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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
In connection with my previous post about my relationship, I would like to know how to change my attachment style.
I'm Anxious and I want to be more secure. I think I wasn't so anxious in past, but because some of my relationship experiences I have become more anxious.

If there are another Anxious types, I wonder how do you reduce your anxiety, do you have some ways to be more secure?
Is there a chance to change my attachment style without the professional help? I know I did some self work about this - I'm able to recognize what could be seen as needy, and I have learnt to give space to my partner. I'm not acting like clingy at all, but I know that I'm too attached to my partner. My anxiety grew up since I met my actual boyfriend who is Avoidant. When something doesn't go as planned, I panic, when he is not responding as usual, I'm inventing strange scenarios in my head etc.
I hate all of this. I don't want be so dependent on the others, especially my partner. I want to stop panicking and worry about him leaving me (my biggest fear is related to the situation when someone I love leaves me).

Do you have some tips, experiences, anything related to that?

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You have to improve your view of yourself. I would recommend counseling, if you have access to a place that offers it. It has helped me, so far. If not, here are some things you can do, to help yourself.

1. Dig deep into stuff that happened in your childhood that may have lowered your sense of self worth. Generally our sense of self worth begins with our relationship with our parents, or parental figures.
2. Address the source of your lowered sense of self worth. You don't have to talk to whoever caused it, if it was caused by your relationship with a specific person. You can do like I'm doing, right now, and write an open letter. The point is to get whatever is the source of your lowered self esteem to the surface so you can directly confront it.
3. Take care of yourself, not just physically, but psychologically. Make sure you have adequate rest, and exercise daily. Exercise can be a big boost if you're feeling down. Also, eat a good diet and make sure to get doctor check ups to make sure that your hormone levels are normal, as hormonal issues can make a huge difference in your mood and self view. Also, take care of your appearance, as that often helps to boost self esteem.
4. Get to work accomplishing something that has personal meaning to you. Start a new routine, working towards a goal that has personal meaning to you, maybe volunteer. Just do something for the benefit of others, as the more you focus on others, the less time you have to think about yourself, and thus you have less time to get down yourself.

I know my advice sounds simplistic, but it doesn't necessarily make it easy. Old habits break hard, especially when it comes to your self view, and double especially if it stems from childhood. I hope you can start feeling better.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
You have to improve your view of yourself. I would recommend counseling, if you have access to a place that offers it. It has helped me, so far. If not, here are some things you can do, to help yourself.

1. Dig deep into stuff that happened in your childhood that may have lowered your sense of self worth. Generally our sense of self worth begins with our relationship with our parents, or parental figures.
2. Address the source of your lowered sense of self worth. You don't have to talk to whoever caused it, if it was caused by your relationship with a specific person. You can do like I'm doing, right now, and write an open letter. The point is to get whatever is the source of your lowered self esteem to the surface so you can directly confront it.
3. Take care of yourself, not just physically, but psychologically. Make sure you have adequate rest, and exercise daily. Exercise can be a big boost if you're feeling down. Also, eat a good diet and make sure to get doctor check ups to make sure that your hormone levels are normal, as hormonal issues can make a huge difference in your mood and self view. Also, take care of your appearance, as that often helps to boost self esteem.
4. Get to work accomplishing something that has personal meaning to you. Start a new routine, working towards a goal that has personal meaning to you, maybe volunteer. Just do something for the benefit of others, as the more you focus on others, the less time you have to think about yourself, and thus you have less time to get down yourself.

I know my advice sounds simplistic, but it doesn't necessarily make it easy. Old habits break hard, especially when it comes to your self view, and double especially if it stems from childhood. I hope you can start feeling better.
Thank you so much for your advices. It's a good idea with writing the letter. I know that happened things in my childhood which influenced me very negatively, but I didn't know how to cope with that. Writing a letter can help me I think.
The same about volunteering - it's a great idea!
 

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Be true to yourself, don't change for anyone. Learn to recognize abuse (especially understand how men treat other men, not just their friends, and figure out whether they are apathetic, insecure, or aggressive [it's better that they treat people nicely]) and how to avoid it.
 

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Forget about that kind of attachment style stuff; the more you think about it, the more you're going to unconsciously box yourself in with it. It's negative, so if you think of yourself as that kind of person, then you'll be more like that kind of person to justify it to yourself. Follow the sort of practical advice that @dulcinea gave. Definitely exercise: humans were meant to engage frequently in physical activity, so make exercise part of your routine. You don't have to break yourself with it, but exercise is the best solution to break up anxiety.

Getting a good breakfast in the morning will greatly improve your mood for the rest of the day too. Never neglect that.
 
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My anxiousness seems to revolve around feedback I recieve, and actions I observe that don't meet expectation. Realizing my partners love language was very different from mine helped me realize the information was there, and the feelings are what I wanted them to be, I just didn't see it the way I needed to. A change in perspective, and how I assess the available information has helped quite a bit.

What drives your anxiousness?
 
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