[curious0610]

How do you communicate with people who have a really distorted version of reality, and are insistent that there is something inherently wrong with you that you need to "fix" or "change" in order to be accepted by them/their distorted version of reality?

And let's say, they're so immersed into their distorted reality, confronting them about this is just a nightmare. You just want to communicate with them and have a normal relationship with them, without them always turning it into how there's something wrong with you, that you need to fix or change about yourself.

It seems like things are going wrong in their life. So their way of coping is by trying to change/correct things they have control over, and the only people/circumstances they feel they have control over is their children, and how they can "help" them "fix" who they are.

Advice?

 

[bellisaurius]

I agree. You're trying to swim upstream if you think you can deal with your parent's worldviews. That's just something people can't really change. I've just generally tried to keep my distance, and interact on a schedule. Whenever the conversation gets serious, I crack a joke about when me and my brother were kids, and just try to keep everyone laughing.

 

[curious0610]

I agree. You're trying to swim upstream if you think you can deal with your parent's worldviews. That's just something people can't really change. I've just generally tried to keep my distance, and interact on a schedule. Whenever the conversation gets serious, I crack a joke about when me and my brother were kids, and just try to keep everyone laughing.

I've tried the distance thing. But it feels so superficial and empty.
I want for things to be better, back to normal, but it seems like whenever I do get closer, they try to drag me along with their worldview/view on their life/me/.
I just FEEL worthless without having that old close bond with my parents, it also doesn't help my parents keep threatening me I'll never be successful in life without their approval/support, but this approval/suppport is contingent on me "fixing" who I am so that it aligns with their distortion of reality

 

[bellisaurius]

I've tried the distance thing. But it feels so superficial and empty.
I want for things to be better, back to normal, but it seems like whenever I do get closer, they try to drag me along with their worldview/view on their life/me/.
I just FEEL worthless without having that old close bond with my parents, it also doesn't help my parents keep threatening me I'll never be successful in life without their approval/support, but this approval/suppport is contingent on me "fixing" who I am so that it aligns with their distortion of reality

It is kind of superficial and empty, unfortunately, but both your and your parent's best long term interests are served by your being as good and successful a person as possible. Things that get in the way of that hurt everyone. They can't fix you, and you can't fix them, so the only avenue left is to create the mental space you need to keep afloat until things change and your help will actually be useful.