Personality Cafe banner

How to convince an ISTJ that there's hope for the future...

4796 Views 16 Replies 7 Participants Last post by  Skitzabeth
I've been involved in a very tumultuous and strange relationship with an ISTJ for about 7 years now. He is pretty much my best friend in the entire world, but when it comes to "relationship" stuff, we've been in a lot of weird situations that just haven't been conducive to things working out. His Sensing and my Intuition clash a lot, and we have a tendency to argue for hours and hours on end about whether or not we should be friends or be more.

The point is, from my point of view, we have overcome a lot, and I think there is a lot of hope for our future. The weird circumstances we were in before are all over now, and we just need to make it through one more year of not living in the same city. I believe we can use this time apart to grow closer in other ways, and that we don't have to be miserable. And then, after we are in the same city again, I believe we could really be a functional, healthy, and very happy couple.

But at this point, after all of the effort with little results, he is ready to throw in the towel. I have written him extremely long letters with all of our past experiences written out in detail, explaining why us not working out was largely due to circumstances that made it impossible, or personality differences that we have now overcome. I have shown him time after time, that we should and can "work" as a couple. That it's been getting better and will continue to do so. But no matter how many well structured and logical arguments I make, all he can say is that experiences have obviously shown that we don't work, and that he's tired.

I feel like his Sensing is taking over and not allowing him to see the potential that we have. He is so loyal to me and our friendship, and I know he loves me more than anything, and I understand his frustrations, and his desires for the both of us to be happy, but I don't think ending everything we have worked for is going to make us happier in the long run, and I can't figure out how to make him see that. He is also very stressed about other things in his life right now, and I think he is projecting some of that on to me.


Gosh, my situation with him is always hard to explain to people, and I always end up making either him or myself sounding neurotic, but I promise it's just really complicated. Neither of us are crazy, and if you had hours and hours to listen to the whole story, you would understand.

My MAIN question is, how do I get an ISTJ with such a strong sensing preference, who has already made up his mind that, that our bad experiences in the past are not indicative of our future success when so much of the context of our lives and who we are and how we've learned to relate to each other have changed???

Is there any hope?

(Maybe this should've been in the relationship section? But I'd really like input from other ISTJ's).
1 - 1 of 1 Posts
Like Caius said: new evidence. Otherwise, like has been stated more than once, his mind is made up already. We DO make up our minds about things and stick to those decisions UNLESS new things come to light that trump previous facts and experience.
1 - 1 of 1 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top