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I lead a pathetic lifestyle, wasting my life in overwrought fantasies, boredom, aimless internet surfing. I constantly relive old wounds and fight the responsible persons in my fantasy. I'm self-indulgent, unfocused, friendless, an elitist...

... and I struggle to find a way out. I really want to live a meaningful live, one with an active connection to the world. I need concrete steps... I'm willing to be inspired by ideas, tips and grateful for every input.
 

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Basically, you value two main things as a 4: principles and your imagination. Using both you desire to mold yourself into something brilliant and well thought out. Aiming to become it is problematic because it's a combination of principles you value and your grandiose imagination. Together they make an ideal character, but it's not you. It's not that you can't become like the character, or even greater, but the patience needed for you to get there would be demolished by your setting an absolute standard for yourself. Anytime you don't seem to be making progress towards it, you get hit hard.

Beware the habit of imagining yourself in an ideal capacity and hoisting it above all else as your solemn goal. It's synonymous with perfectionism. This self you imagine cannot exist as you see it. It has no substance, and no experience behind it; no realism of what it really takes to have attained its status. It's a beautiful shell.

One course of action is to remember you envision such ideality because you have great confidence (not the same as self-esteem). You basically are aware of what others like and of what makes you feel good. It gives you a sense of potential, which your Intuition uses to paint the finished product. Use that confidence, and don't let your Intuition get that far ahead of you. You have the confidence to face the world's principles, and you acknowledge your gratifications apart from the external world. Maintain them separately. Mixing them up will cause you trouble.

For instance, if you fall short of a worldly principle, you'll feel a lack of control in your life, pushing you to take control of something else - your gratifications. 4s popularly end up using their gratifications to make themselves that valuable image they envision; make themselves great people. They are destined to fail using this path, as they're neglecting principles they actually value, even proclaiming them as unimportant. You are, in fact, using your "fantasies, boredom and aimless internet surfing" to develop yourself using your gratifications. Feels like an endless path to an endless answer, right? Your gratifications are insufficient to help you 'find yourself.' There is no stable foundation for you in them. You must be aware of, separate and balance principles and gratifications.

You want to avoid that end-result focus. In avoiding the tendency to picture and pursue a future image, you'll be more grounded in what you do as you do it. You'll be 'in the moment.' Realize you don't need to stress your outlets in order to enjoy them, or become anything. Everything and anything takes patience. Also realize the world is not your enemy. Stop fighting convention. Fight those that belittle human variation. Conformation, sameness and 'non-uniqueness' aren't the causes of your suffering. Charlatans can hurt you and lead you to continue hurting yourself thru closing yourself off from others because you're "different." You're not different. You've perfectionistic qualities and decent confidence in your abilities (which is why you believe you can renew yourself).

Be patient with yourself. Then again, be overly patient with yourself. 4s are a bit high strung due to their personal expectations. They gotta chill. if I gave a hands-on tip to you, I'd say pick something within your power to manipulate that you feel you have little control over. Realistically make progress with it. For instance, I get bad acne. I began a realistic regiment and I'm sticking to it responsibly. It gives your confidence a meaningful boost, while giving you a sense of patience paying off.
 

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Concrete steps:

1. Meet a psychotherapist once and see how it goes. If you like it, continue seeing him/her. The rest of the steps I suggest will probably not have a very strong effect on your life, but this one may if you commit to it.

2. For me, reading J Krishnamurti has been helpful in times of inner turmoil. Try him. You could start at J. Krishnamurti Online. The official repository of the authentic teachings of J. Krishnamurti, but the best is to get a hard copy of this book - http://www.holybooks.com/wp-content/uploads/Freedom_from_the_Known.pdf .

And taking care of your general physical and emotional health may help meaning evolve out of you. So,

3. Spend time out of your house, even if it means being alone at a cafe, library, park, etc. It just makes your mind less self-absorbed.

4. Exercise. At the least, go take an hour long walk in the park. The body and psyche are one unit, and you cannot take care of the psyche without taking care of the body.

Hope these are helpful.
 

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I lead a pathetic lifestyle, wasting my life in overwrought fantasies, boredom, aimless internet surfing. I constantly relive old wounds and fight the responsible persons in my fantasy. I'm self-indulgent, unfocused, friendless, an elitist...

... and I struggle to find a way out. I really want to live a meaningful live, one with an active connection to the world. I need concrete steps... I'm willing to be inspired by ideas, tips and grateful for every input.
If you want to lead a meaningful life, I suggest you could start doing voluntary work for a day in the week. Many doors will be open for you, so there's plenty of opportunities. I'm not saying you have to do that to be meaningful, but it's at least worth the consideration. If you don't think that's meaningful, it's interesting to reflect on why this isn't the kind of meaning and purpose (not being aimless) you are looking for.

Does it have to be wanted or needed (and gratified) to be meaningful? Or useful (not wasteful) and marketable or popular? Is meaningful the same as virtuous? Does it have to be exciting (not boring) to be meaningful? Can it be meaningful independent from others? Do you want to make a difference or do you want to make the difference? Does it need to be different to be significant? Why do you even care about being meaningful in the first place?
 

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http://personalitycafe.com/type-4-f...ions-enneagram-type-fours-13.html#post3682764

This is something I posted on the "personal growth for 4's" thread. I came across it a while ago, before even discovering I was a 4, it was called the "10 keys to happier living". The website has more details as well. I think it will provide you with some good ideas to try. And it also nicely lays out the overall goals for a happier life through the ten keys.

When I am lost, sometimes looking at that poster helps set me back on track.

I wish you the best of luck!
 
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