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I am an INFJ from America, now living in Beijing for 2 years. As my friends try to set me up for dates, they ask what I am looking for. This made me reflect on my past relationships and I have come to the following conclusions:
1. PDA is acceptable, but not too much; leave the intimacy between the two of us.
2. Please don't share our problems with your friends, it is embarrassing and I feel the blame is entirely on me if you choose to discuss with others.
3. It's no reflection on you, I just need time to myself and sometimes I like to sleep without cuddling.
4. Please understand I don't like to argue. I'm not talking down to you when I try to discuss our problems, I just don't think anger is the answer.
5. I will shower you will love and affection so please don't break my trust. I will invest the majority of my time to you. I am devoted and will do anything for you, please don't take advantage. I tend to let things fester too long.
6. Please do not go through my belongings and I will show you the same respect. Trust is the foundation of a relationship. If you love me, you must trust me; visa versa.
7. I don't feel I need permission to go somewhere without you, so please do not ask permission from me; it makes me feel dominating and brutal.
8. Sometimes I just need to hear "I love you" for reassurance. I know your affection shows this, but words are necessary as well.
9. I can't always be the agressor in the bedroom. I need to feel desired and attractive (therefore, it's your turn to initiate lovemaking).
10. I am still the person you met. I have not changed nor have I disguised any emotions, needs, or personality quips. Do not expect me to be something different than I truly am. I am willing to budge on things, but am unable to change in to something you want me to be.

My friend tells me all INFJs are similar, so I am interested in your feedback. Perhaps it's because I'm a Virgo, an INFJ, or just plain 'ol me. Anyone out there feel the same?
 

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Might want to rewrite it in the affirmative?

IE. instead of saying what you dont want... say what you DO want
Thank you for your response. However, I'm not looking for critique or an editor just feedback on the meat of what I have written, not the style in which it was compsed.
 
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I agree with everthing except I always like to cuddle :happy: when you put it like that, which is is exactly as i see it to, I dont think we are that difficult!

I will love you as you are......so all you need to do is love me as i am, and we wont fight or argue or get angry with you, we will just discuss thing and then fix them.
I need my space and in return you get yours, I get to me and you get to be you.

thanks for that i feel its sits exactly right for me to. :blushed:
 

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I agree with almost everything you've said NotaPrettyGirl except for the last line. I would say something like: "My moods may change frequently, and I am not always the same person you met. However, if I really like you these continuous changes are not a reflection of you. It's just the way I am."
 

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Anyone out there feel the same?
Similar, but not same.

There is nothing more intangible or mysterious than a relationship, in my opinion. The ebbs and flows of so many competing desires on both sides expressed in segments of time and through gestures so subtle they can hardly be said to have happened at all.

Either it is making you happy or it is not. I would try not to try to assign rules or values to it... because there is no rule that cannot be bent or broken by the unendingly flexible nature of the human spirit. Within our spirit lies the truth... and it is a truth that is too complex and fluid to be expressed within the confines of words.

Sometimes intimacy would make me happy and I want to cuddle... sometimes I need to separate myself a bit to think. Sometimes I would like to be the aggressor in the bedroom... sometimes I'd like to be aggressed upon :p Sometimes I'd put off a conflict and brush it under the table... sometimes I'd speak to it calmly and directly. All just... ebbs and flows. (I hope that my ebbs and flows might harmonize in a way with my partner's and that ability to understand, empower, and love through all of the intangible chaos of the human spirit is what I see as being important)

Of course, that's just my opinion.
 

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Similar, but not same.

There is nothing more intangible or mysterious than a relationship, in my opinion. The ebbs and flows of so many competing desires on both sides expressed in segments of time and through gestures so subtle they can hardly be said to have happened at all.

Either it is making you happy or it is not. I would try not to try to assign rules or values to it... because there is no rule that cannot be bent or broken by the unendingly flexible nature of the human spirit. Within our spirit lies the truth... and it is a truth that is too complex and fluid to be expressed within the confines of words.

Of course, that's just my opinion.
Good post. However, I don't think it's a bad thing to have your desires (or what you don't desire) defined. Perhaps, it serves more as an introspective tool than anything else. However, I do agree with you on the mysterious nature of relationships. There have been plenty of people who should have worked, but totally did not. As well, there are those who shouldn't have worked out that ended up doing fine as a couple. As usual though, my knowledge on dating is limited and suspect because I have yet to find anyone who I feel a deep connection to.
 

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Good post. However, I don't think it's a bad thing to have your desires (or what you don't desire) defined. Perhaps, it serves more as an introspective tool than anything else. However, I do agree with you on the mysterious nature of relationships. There have been plenty of people who should have worked, but totally did not. As well, there are those who shouldn't have worked out that ended up doing fine as a couple. As usual though, my knowledge on dating is limited and suspect because I have yet to find anyone who I feel a deep connection to.
Yes absolutely! I hope I'm not screwing with the thread (lmao), but I couldn't really put my wants, desires, or standards into stone, really. And inspiration just struck.

While I remain the same person... what I want changes. Sometimes I want one thing... and other times I'm completely different... so I can't really agree or disagree with any of the points listed in the OP. What I find to be absolutely exciting is when you stumble upon that rare person out there who empowers you through all of your ebbs and flows.

It's a rare and surreal connection.
 

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Thank you for your response. However, I'm not looking for critique or an editor just feedback on the meat of what I have written, not the style in which it was compsed.
I think she actually has a value point though. Everything you describe is so general... it's almost like reading the horoscopes. The "requirements" that you described can be summed up in terms of privacy, trust or intimacy issues. All i got from that is "please respect our privacy and please trust me. Also I will shower you with intimacy, I would like see some of that back sometimes and other times i need some space (now that you have all of your options covered....)."

What I mean to say is that this description is so general; so yes, anyone can relate to this. Unless you're an intp.... :frustrating:
 

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Sometimes intimacy would make me happy and I want to cuddle... sometimes I need to separate myself a bit to think. Sometimes I would like to be the aggressor in the bedroom... sometimes I'd like to be aggressed upon :p Sometimes I'd put off a conflict and brush it under the table... sometimes I'd speak to it calmly and directly. All just... ebbs and flows. (I hope that my ebbs and flows might harmonize in a way with my partner's and that ability to understand, empower, and love through all of the intangible chaos of the human spirit is what I see as being important)
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Oh oh so true my friend. We are ebb and flow. Like water in so many ways. I need someone who can love me through my rough seas, my gentle rains and the quiet still nights. I am more than willing and able to do that for another person, it just seems its hard for us INFJs to find someone to do it for us in return. We are givers. We will shower someone with affection and be loyal to the end, but we aren't always easy to live with. I know that my emotional well being is very directly tied to my physical/social well being. It is only be identifying how I feel and why I feel the way I do that I can back track and change my outlook on a day. Understanding that INFJs are just a little more in touch with not only our own 'inner selves' than others but also reactive to the emotions of those around us is important. Complex creatures we are, but are we worth it? I like to think so....
 

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Oh oh so true my friend. We are ebb and flow. Like water in so many ways. I need someone who can love me through my rough seas, my gentle rains and the quiet still nights. I am more than willing and able to do that for another person, it just seems its hard for us INFJs to find someone to do it for us in return. We are givers. We will shower someone with affection and be loyal to the end, but we aren't always easy to live with. I know that my emotional well being is very directly tied to my physical/social well being. It is only be identifying how I feel and why I feel the way I do that I can back track and change my outlook on a day. Understanding that INFJs are just a little more in touch with not only our own 'inner selves' than others but also reactive to the emotions of those around us is important. Complex creatures we are, but are we worth it? I like to think so....
A great relationship is when you find someone who loves all of you... not just you at your best <3
 

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I am an INFJ from America, now living in Beijing for 2 years. As my friends try to set me up for dates, they ask what I am looking for. This made me reflect on my past relationships and I have come to the following conclusions:
1. PDA is acceptable, but not too much; leave the intimacy between the two of us.
2. Please don't share our problems with your friends, it is embarrassing and I feel the blame is entirely on me if you choose to discuss with others.
3. It's no reflection on you, I just need time to myself and sometimes I like to sleep without cuddling.
4. Please understand I don't like to argue. I'm not talking down to you when I try to discuss our problems, I just don't think anger is the answer.
5. I will shower you will love and affection so please don't break my trust. I will invest the majority of my time to you. I am devoted and will do anything for you, please don't take advantage. I tend to let things fester too long.
6. Please do not go through my belongings and I will show you the same respect. Trust is the foundation of a relationship. If you love me, you must trust me; visa versa.
7. I don't feel I need permission to go somewhere without you, so please do not ask permission from me; it makes me feel dominating and brutal.
8. Sometimes I just need to hear "I love you" for reassurance. I know your affection shows this, but words are necessary as well.
9. I can't always be the agressor in the bedroom. I need to feel desired and attractive (therefore, it's your turn to initiate lovemaking).
10. I am still the person you met. I have not changed nor have I disguised any emotions, needs, or personality quips. Do not expect me to be something different than I truly am. I am willing to budge on things, but am unable to change in to something you want me to be.

My friend tells me all INFJs are similar, so I am interested in your feedback. Perhaps it's because I'm a Virgo, an INFJ, or just plain 'ol me. Anyone out there feel the same?
I think it's perfect. I feel the same.

I wouldn't publish it to friends though or even say it all to someone all in one moment; they might be overwhelmed, and a new relationship might make you feel slightly different to past relationships.
 

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Relationships. Either a euphoric high or an emotional hell.

It's good that you know what you want, or have an idea at least. I too have ideas of what I'd like to find, but when it comes down to it, the first cute girl to show some genuine interest in me will probably have the best chance. :p
 
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