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@princess0 people do do that. don't fret about it. *hugs* it's a tough time mate. tough time. day by day you grow.

Think of that obsession like quitting cigarettes. Whenever you think about him, also think of the problems you were facing. You don't really want the dry throat and stinky smell of cigarettes do you? Think about it. You want it back just because of a craving. It will add nothing in your life.

It's gonna be hard, but don't you worry you'll be up on your feet soon. I think you already must be feeling better over a month down the line. :) so cheerio! a good friends company is great as a replacement :)
ps. sp's in generally seem to be awesome pals in break ups. Neither too serious nor too unfeeling. :)
 

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Focus on your life and see the positive in a breakup. These are wonderful points in your life where you can spend lots of time with improving yourself and grow as a person. Embrace your feelings, but try to things that you've always wanted to do. Good luck to everyone who is living through a breakup at the moment. Life will get better, trust yourself.
 

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For me, it works to isolate my ex completely out of my life and cut all interaction with them.
I can't do any of the 'let's be friends' bullshit. It doesn't work, especially if I've been hurt.

I usually get absorbed in a project (usually school or work) immediately after a breakup and aim all of my energy in it, until I've distanced myself enough to be able to deal with the feelings of disappointment, sadness, anger, whatever I've left.

I don't always do this, but sometimes pros & cons list helps to deal with the subject. You may realize there are more cons on the list. Even if it's just your mind falsely trying to justify the breakup by convincing itself it could have never worked and it's best this way, it helps to move forward and let go.
 

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Just to build on what everyone has been saying here,

Even if you find that you were in a situation where everything went wrong because of the other person, it is imperative to take some responsibility for it. Yes, he/she hurt me, but guess what, I let him/her hurt me. I allowed him/her to hurt me and I told myself it was okay or even worse, that I deserved it. And that is unacceptable, because I need to take care of myself. I need to love myself.

Once you take responsibility, you regain control over a terrible situation and therefore, your life. Never forget to work on yourself. I am a huge believer of our relationships being a reflection of ourselves. There is a lesson in every break-up.
 

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it is never only one who has done wrong in a relationship, it is always both. Say what you have on your heart and say it nicely. If you do not come to a decision, take your things and go. Difficult to get the person out of your mind? start with a hobby that requires a lot of thinking, with new people who do not know you. myself, I began to play computer games, met many wonderful people and great fun too, it does not cost much at all, but of course you're going to do something you are interested in and makes you forget all the shit that happened. bit problematic when you have children together, when you need to have contact with each other all the time. But it works if you can come to an understanding, and that is that it was not the right one, but it will make you stronger for the right one that will in the future come to you, and never blame anything on yourself for it is not so, Pluss and minuses do not go together..
 

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So I broke up 10 days ago and it was awful, I didn't want to but it was the only possible solution. I miss her terribly though and I know she also cared but her personal life is such a mess... I saw her today though, bump into each other at uni. Small talk and all, it was nice but then I think fuck why did it have to end? I really miss her.
 

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Well, I figured you never really get over a break-up, you just get used to it.
Then you look forward to other things.

The key problem that we have excess spare time after a breakup. So find something you can do at that time as Setrleua suggests health or if your like me go bird-watching or something. Maybe learn a new song.
It depends on the person and personality type I suppose, as well as how and why a break up happened. I can honestly say I have never been more broken in my life when mine happened, part of it was I didn't see it comming, though now looking back I am better for it. But at the end of the day people are ultimately replaceable. You don't forget them out of bitterness or some petty emotion like that, you forget them because they have made themselves irrilivent. Just takes time, and a bit of logic.
 

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That initial post was extremely helpful; I didn't think I wanted to know why someone I love more than anything would leave, but its better than the eternal torment of an Fi-Si loop that debilitates me where I try and conceive every possible thing that's wrong with me rather than one or two things.

On the cusp of a newly and seemingly innevitable separation, I really don't know what to do.. I'm struggling to distract myself in any way I possibly can by playing nonstop music and staying up as late as i can flipping through games or books or facebook. I'm scared ill enter a loop again and feel depression set in, and at least what would work to help me get out of it would be using my aux Ne. I need to see a beautiful bright future to have the hope required to stay happy. I don't feel happy at this moment, and I know if I just let my Ne loose, maybe I could be happier. I'm so scared though, because I keep imagining how the person I loved went off to spend a night with an old crush. A healthier me in the future would no doubt reassure I need to stop living in this complacent moment and let my mind go to the wind to suffer and subsequently climb back out of the hole I'm teetering on.

If another INFP is near that edge of melancholy over a break up, I'd hope that advise could be helpful. Exercise positive Ne, and maybe work through that stuff in your head at a comfortable pace without slipping further down into feeling sad, but maybe not close your mind so hard that you cant think straight at all.

For everyone else, I'm sorry if I don't have much advice. We're all going to make it through, even if it doesn't seem like it right now. I'm proud of anyone who's riding these feelings out, its not easy and you're never alone
 

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Simple way for a guy to deal with a breakup.

Here is the plan:
1) You must break up
2) Fuck someone else asap
3) Get into routine sex with your ex
4) Take her on a fancy trip and propose
5) On the way back tell her that you fucked someone else
6) Propose another five to seven times
7) Break mentally while having sex with your ex (being rejected so many times should bite your bloody ass), scream that this is the last time, which is certainly not
8) Have an on and off coffee/drink/sex/chat/movie with her
9) Get her to a point in which even sex seems like a fucking disaster for both of you
10) Grab your bloody balls and shut any contact with her off

Feel free to apply for a fantastic drama in your life.
 

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Move on and keep the good memorys for later (dont go in that the first few month) dont stay home alone for long times... be active do someting with frinds, work out, explore new cities etc. Maybe u can even think back later with a smile about the time u spend together. In generel focus more on the future not the past.
 

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I'm not sure where to put this. Here seems most appropriate.

I suffer abandonment issues pretty badly. Though my girlfriend has expressed every day since we started dating how much she enjoys my company, I can't help but feel I withdraw emotionally on an almost instinctual level. I wake up every morning to a Facebook message from her and she tells me all the time how much she likes being my girlfriend and how attractive and intelligent she thinks I am. I like her a lot, too.

The problem is that I've experienced one or two tough breakups in my life and, if it's sufficient to say, I'm done with it. I don't want to listen to songs on the radio and think of someone that's left me, I don't want to have the conversation where your heart sinks into your stomach and you know what the person is going to say to you. Rejection is just not for me anymore. In my most recent relationship, I was told that I was always sort of "showing her the door" and that is not what I want to do this time because as much as I push people away, it does get lonely from time to time and it's really nice for someone to be close and tell me that I'm cared for.

Honestly, when people become my friend or decide they're attracted to me, I wait for them to get bored and leave. I've come to believe that most people are going to at some point or another and aren't interested in the same things I am as far as relationships go. Any time in the last five years or so that a girl has confessed feelings for me, I find myself thinking "really? For how long? How long are YOU going to be here before you realize you really didn't want to get to know me in the first place?" And honestly, I think it's having a detrimental effect on all my friendships and relationships. I just find myself talking to most people with one foot out the door because I think of all forms of affection as fleeting and temporary. Knowing that on an intellectual level is easier than feeling it and I can pretty safely say that I don't feel it.
I can relate, dude, but hoepfully you can get to therapy. It's really helped me and it is waay preferable to feeling insecure in a relationship and absolutely devastated when someone leaves. EMDR therapy has really helped me.
 

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This is exactly how I feel, but I'll add a detail. Sometimes it isn't them who decides to leave us, sometimes it's us who may be the one who leaves. We are unique and alone and though we cross paths with others they don't "become" us, nor us them. We simply become part of each other's experience on the planet. The length and magnitude of those experiences varies.

The most important thing I've learned is that our hearts are designed to either love none, one, more than one, or many. If we embrace incredible things being alone becomes enjoyable. That's how we weather the storm of independence in between and during telationships. Find the thing in your world that brings you joy and soon others will be attracted to your spirit.

I'd say I've changed and grown over the years to accept the temporary nature of not just relationships, but of everything. There are constants, though. Things we can control to some degree, but not entirely. Keep many of those things near. Work on your health, too. Constructively use alone time and cherish together time even if it might be fleeting. We can only experience each moment as we are in it. Do we hesitate to go to a concert or watch a movie because it will conclude?

My best mechanism for happiness and survival is to embrace that which is within my world at any given time. Stay in the moment and surround yourself with friends and other joys. Losing things is horrific, yes but inevitable. You're ability to adapt to the circumstance is self-love. Practice it. It's the best gift you can give yourself and the surest way to being whole. I greatly miss many relationships but I take assurance that those who love me now would have never had that chance if I didn't grow to be better through the devastation of loss.

I embrace that which is in my world in the present.
 

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Kill her.
 

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Working on it right now. Got reacquainted with a long lost ex-GF to help ease the pain. Just talking mostly. Burying myself in my work. Drinking more than I should. Trying to map new experiences over place and things that remind me of her.....

Regardless, it is bloody painful and difficult.
 

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Coming from an ENFP who experienced a recent break up:

-Don't hold any grudges or animosity, get to the level where you accept things as they are and don't hypothesize what could've been. There are reasons you got to this point. Take it as a lesson learned.
-Keep busy
-Hang out with friends
-Meet new people
-Day Adventures
-Plan more parties
-Tinder
-Go to Work
-Re-explore the things that once make you happy. Relationships are time-consuming and can change you as a person without you even noticing. Get back to hanging out with the people you were unable to see and the things you enjoyed doing.
-Make sure to self care (pamper yourself and don't regret it)
 
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