My bad break up sounds like it was a different scenerio, because I was the one doing the breaking, but it still, nonetheless, affected me for a long time.
I was in a mentally/emotionally abusive relationship for 6 years, from the time I was 16 to 22. He was extremely controlling. I have always been one of those 'strong minded' people that would never allow themselves to be put in such a position, but it happened very slowly and in calculated steps. In the beginning I was very pleased with the relationship, and of course I was very young so I guess you could call it puppy love. Fast forward 6 years later and I was engaged to a person who emotionally beat me down whenever he could, especially in front of other people. I had one girl-friend who I was allowed to see 2 times a month, for a certain amount of hours, and had to be home at a certain time. He also alienated me from my family, telling me lies that they had said about me, or putting pictures in my mind that they didnt care about me, and were unhealthy. (Which is not entirely untrue) I was expected to work 3 jobs and go to school, clean and cook, for the majority of the relationship while he sat around on his fat ass playing videogames and telling me how bad my cooking was. (along with everything else of course) He sexually abused me, not by physical force, but if I did not give him a blowjob and swallow, with no reciprocation, he would tell me that he didnt really feel like I loved him.
I stayed in that relationship for so long because I believed the good in him. I believed he had a good heart, and that would shine through with time and effort on my part. Also, my age mixed with such a slow change from good to bad, I believed thats just how things were in any relationship, and I put forth so much effort for so many years to try to "fix" the relationship. Also, whenever I did fight back (which was often) he would break down in tears and say he felt so bad for how he acted and he really did love me so much, he was just a bad person and I deserved better. He was basically appealing to my Fe side (manipulation) because of course once that happened I assured him we would work on it together and that he was not a bad person, and that I would support him while he went through his "hard time"
That was such an easy out for him. Playing on and using my vast ability to love and forgive.
Once I finally woke up and broke up with him, he manipulated that friend I was never allowed to see into believing that I had said nasty things about her, which really he was the only one who said bad things about her. So she and I didnt talk for about 7 months. He also cried to her every day about how much he loved me and how he wanted me back so badly, so he painted me out to be the bad guy. I am not manipulative, so I did not reciprocate that although I could have. It would have been easy, but I am just not that kind of person.
Now pretty much everyone knows how he is, and dont really hang out with him anymore. His guy friends were my friends too, and he told them lies as well, but they all see through it now.
What made me wake up and realize it was time to go was our group of friends were going to a park one day to go cook out and just be in nature, I really wanted to go, and he said no. I dont know why, its one of the first times I was just like......no.....Im going. He was pissed but I just didnt care anymore. Enough is enough. I went, and actually found out that all my friends were really happy to have me there. I had a great time. I was so happy. The next morning back at home was one of the most depressed Ive ever been. I glimpsed a little bit of freedom, then went back home to him. I knew I had to get out.
It was the hardest thing Ive ever done. I had to leave my house, my dogs, his family (which had taken me in) were terrible to me afterwards. All the friends I thought would be there were gone, I was homeless, confused, and had nothing to show for the last 6 years of my life.
He is a born-again christian now, and realized that "all the effort he was putting into me and our relationship, he should have been putting into the lord" All his facebook posts are scripture and Im not sure why it bothers me so much. I hate him even more for it. I guess its because he is the worst person I know alive, and hes going into ministry? God help us all. Literally.
Its been almost a year and a half now, and it really took a good 8 months to get settled into myself before I really started to feel normal again. I had to build everything back up, and that was really tough. Now my life is amazing, I live for me and my close friends who reciprocate my love, and are as selfless as I am. I have a wonderful SO who was with me through the entire thing and has never judged me for being weak or insecure at times. I enjoy my freedom every day. I am in school, and I got my dog back, and we live happily by ourselves in my home.
The thing I was scared of most was being alone. Or feeling alone. Or that I was making a mistake. Dont be scared. Move forward. One day at a time and the mantra is every day you get a little stronger. Each step you take that is painful, you get stronger. You may not feel it at first, but all those little tiny steps and leaps of faith begin to add up, and one day you wake up and you feel....good. You feel strong. You feel like you might get through it. Every step forward you take is one you will never have to take again. One day, one hour, one step at a time. Just do it.
You wont realize it at the time, but even your weak moments are making you a stronger, healthier, happier person.
Dont give up