[ponyjoyride]

My colleague is an ENTJ and he's... well, an asshole. I don't think that he's really that bad but he's lately had a lot of stress because of his studies and life in general so I think it has affected him and he's become an extremely unpleasant person. He's trying to control everything and everyone. He's very critical of everything and he's criticizing everyone else all the time yet he makes a lot of mistakes which he is unable to admit (I know that at least INTJs are able to see their own faults and also say sorry if needed when someone points out the mistakes and gives a rational explanation why there's a mistake). He also has a some sort of illusion that everyone wants him to stand out and be a leader when in fact everyone just wants him to stfu.

I think that his behaviour crosses a line of being normal for a healthy ENTJ so I just wanted to ask you how should I deal with him the next time he makes a scene about some irrelevant thing that really even wasn't a problem before he made one of it or when he interferes in my projects and tries to control them even though he doesn't know enough about them to be helpful and he ends up only complicating my work?

 

[NastyCat]

Bash him over the head with a shovel. Yes, the shovel also comes in handy if you accidentally kill him.

But on a serious note, tell him to back off in the nicest possible way and that you will ask him for his opinion when you need it. Then blast him with criticism stating that people do not appreciate his overly direct methods of criticism and the fact that he is merely a self-appointed leader for something that doesn't really require one. He should be able to handle it if it he's a real ENTJ.

I don't really have any subtle or backhanded techniques that I can advise you with -- sorry.

 

[RhoAlphaNuAlpha]

Are you sure the guy is an ENTJ and not an ESTJ?

It's my experience, and talks with other ENTJs on this forum, that using Ni in their functions (Te/Ni), you should be able to get the ENTJ friend of yours to see his disruptive behavior and generally get them to learn a "lesson" of some sort from it, ie: they should be able to see the other side of it.
Your experience with INTJs being more prone to "at least...be able to see their own faults and also say sorry if needed when someone points out the mistakes and gives a rational explanation why there's a mistake" is most likely caused by Ni dominance. An ENTJ shouldn't be so different either as we also use it as a second function. Any ENTJ should be able to do the same.
It's possible your friend isn't well developed?

Speaking personally, if Im generally behaving in such a way, all I need is for someone to point it out.
I dont think there really is a correct way in approaching it, I think just being direct is your best bet.

 

[dude10000]

How to deal with a stressed ENTJ?

Look, don't "deal" with people. Just be honest, let them know what's on your mind, and *why* you think the way you do. If he's just a colleague, and not your superior, then definitely speak up.

Also, make sure your goal is about pointing out and pursuing reasonable alternatives, and not about getting your buddy to "stfu." Communication is a necessary part of work and doesn't cost anything.

 

[wiarumas]

ENTJs don't get stressed really. Stress is a motivator to us. Stress, in a sick way, almost feels good.

My first reaction was - that probably isn't stress. That sounds like frustration because he is being dismissed as a leader or being ostracized from the group.

ENTJs have big egos and disrespecting it (especially younger, unrefined ENTJs) can make them act very snide and cold. I bet its frustration with his lack of control over the situation, a fixation on efficiency, and the team dismissing his input.

It sounds like he needs to let go of his "my way or the highway" attitude and work effectively in a team. Unfortunately, there is no easy way to do this. Definitely do not say or try anything to fix the situation. Just act more supportive and at least consider his input to stroke his ego. I don't care if people adopt my point of view, but if they automatically reject it without considering it, I take it as a personal attack. It will develop into a "I'm going to watch you crash and burn because you should have listened to me" type attitude.

 

[Slkmcphee]

ENTJs don't get stressed really. Stress is a motivator to us. Stress, in a sick way, almost feels good.

My first reaction was - that probably isn't stress. That sounds like frustration because he is being dismissed as a leader or being ostracized from the group.

ENTJs have big egos and disrespecting it (especially younger, unrefined ENTJs) can make them act very snide and cold. I bet its frustration with his lack of control over the situation, a fixation on efficiency, and the team dismissing his input.

It sounds like he needs to let go of his "my way or the highway" attitude and work effectively in a team. Unfortunately, there is no easy way to do this. Definitely do not say or try anything to fix the situation. Just act more supportive and at least consider his input to stroke his ego. I don't care if people adopt my point of view, but if they automatically reject it without considering it, I take it as a personal attack. It will develop into a "I'm going to watch you crash and burn because you should have listened to me" type attitude.

I love stress. But too much of a good thing can make you sick.

I have been stressed before at work. It took a monumental level of stress for me to act the way this guy is, but I get it. I have to admit that I was over-scheduled and over-committed. I felt as though I could pull it all off if only everyone would do as I directed them.

But people don't always work that way, even when they work under you and especially when they work with you. I went off on a fellow (female) colleague in front of an entire cafeteria of students (elementary, no less!) because she tried to tell me (sympathetically) that "Everything will be okay!"

"NO! Everything will most definitely NOT be okay!" was my response along with a brief but loud description of why everything was going to hell in a hand-basket. Asshole, I know.

Likely it's not so much that he feels as though everyone wants him to stand out and be a leader...ENTJs feel obligated to jump in there and "fix" what they perceive to be chaos (which ENTJs cannot abide). Because many of us are accustomed to having people mildly pissed at us for being (brutally) honest and direct, we may not get that we are losing the "support" of the people we are trying to help.

The best way to handle this? One on one when there is no stressful event going on...at the beginning of the day or the end of the day, maybe over a beer or coffee. Be direct, don't sugarcoat things, but don't tell him that everyone wants him to stfu. *Do NOT be confrontational with an ENTJ.* Address the issues you are having and use logic to help this person develop a reasonable way to use their talents to help others without destroying morale. Like all other temperaments, we really do mean well.

ENTJs are valuable to have in your corner. We are hard-working, loyal, logic-driven and good "first-responders." We think big, give a s#!% and we want to bring things to the most efficient conclusion. We also have a tendency to overestimate what we can reasonably accomplish. Something makes this person feel as though he has to be this way. Help him to see the situation from your perspective and ask him to do something that really will help you.

 

[NastyCat]

I can't even tell that I'm stressed at times...