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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
How to Deal With Passive-Agressivity

Hello everyone.

Being an NF, I have the tendancy to avoid conflict and taking a passive approach to life as opposed to an agressive one. Though, because of this tendancy, I sometimes tend to be passive-agressive. For a long time, I've been avoiding sarcasm and other passive-agressive behaviour. But, because of my avoidance of conflict and my uncomfortable nature in those kinds of situations, I find myself at another wall to go over.

Thus, the real question is how to be more assertive. I think I've succeeded in accepting that everyone has needs, and that all needs are as important. So, I find myself with the ability to express my needs rather than letting them bleed into my frustrations. So now it really comes down to how to look at conflict and turn it into a constructive situation rather than avoiding it, altogether. With that said, I can conclude that I have my internal conflict shuffler is built. I just have to find it in me to speak out when I feel the need to.

Any help would be greatly appreciated,
Lykourgus
 

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Hm...So trying to be more assertive without causing any trouble. Typically in these types of situations I try to be as objective as possible, and phrase my words very carefully as not to cause any misunderstandings. I'm a bit confused as to what you mean (I apologize, I'm a bit out of it right now), could you give an example?
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
My dilemma comes from the idea that is it best to say something truthful but that might hurt someone's feelings or simply put it under the rug? Sometimes, I try doing so through passive, indirect means. Like hinting that there's a certain annoyance or issue that the person needs to deal with. Most times, this isn't caught-on by that person. Not to mention that some could view this strategy as passive-agressive. Especially when it comes to expressing annoyance, which I have the tendancy of doing.

So, really, the dichotomy is: cold truth vs sugar coated truth vs under-the-rug.
 

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Ah. This. Okay, now I know what you mean, and hopefully I can be of some help!

I've faced this many times, and from my own experience, it really depends on who you're talking to. If it's someone that doesn't know you well, just a stranger, or acquaintance, it's best not to hit them with simply the cold truth. If it's someone you know well, someone you know is understanding, and willing to listen without assuming you're saying things out of spite, then you can tell them the truth, and talk about it. When it comes to strangers, I wish I could get them all to understand what I'm trying to point out without miscommunication, but it just isn't that likely. In those situations I find it best to keep my opinions to myself, as to avoid further conflict. It's often easier to let others stick to their guns than try and persuade or reason with them.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Fair enough, appreciated. Just today, I've actually opened up to one of my friends in an assertive manner and respectful manner. Thus, I think your protocol seems more appropriate. As long as the right words are used, and the right context, it is possible.

Thanks again, and have a good evening!
 
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