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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I wanted to post the title 'How to rediscover the love for life' but realized I hadn't really discover that before.

So, my problem as follows:

immediate problems:
-No job yet (for 6 moths now). I don't have a stellar degree to land anything decent and too much into debt to pursue further studies. My major was psychology, but don't have marks to pursue graduate school, or the skills to pussue anything in the field.
-I've become agoraphobic. Interacting with anyone scares me a lot. I don't even go out anymore.
-Don't have any friends.
-I just spend everyday doing nothing, and stay submerged in a sense of purposelessness.
-I have no love for life.

Chronic problem:
-I've always been overweight and I believe that it's the problem to everything. My self-esteem is low because of this, and that's why I don't interact with people much, and that's why all the other problems are occurring
-I have no idea what to do as a career.

I've always wanted to be one of the normal folks, going to their 9-5, smile, enjoy life, enjoy love, etc. but I feel it's impossible for me to do so. i feel like the ship has sailed and there's nothing I can do now to love life. Nothing cheers me up, and I frequently wonder what'd it be like to 'not exist'.

Anything I can do to get out of this rut and discover the love for life? All of us meant to love life?
 

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Disclaimer: I'm a young and have limited life experiences, that said, I'll throw out some ideas and maybe we can at least talk about things :). I'm also sure some people with more life experience can give you some more/better tips.

Yes, we are all meant to love life, just in different ways. We each have our own journey that we undertake in life of self-development and self-discovery. The good news is that you haven't missed the ship. You are just under the process of making repairs on your own ship. Note the word process. This is going to take time, and results won't always be instant.

It sounds like you are - for very understandable reasons - depressed ("the rut"). Of course, the first thing recommended would be to see a counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist. I'm not sure if you can do this or not, so I will try to give some general advice I think will be helpful. I am aware that things I will say are easier said than done, but know that there are people rooting for you, including a part of yourself. :)

Anyway, some general ideas that may help you:
  • Unless you absolutely need Facebook to communicate with a close friend or family, temporarily delete it or at least don't go on it too much. FB can distort our views of how others' are living their lives compared to ours, and this can contribute as a catalyst to falling into a "rut".
  • Do some form of exercise and dieting. There are free apps and ways to track your daily intake of calories to help keep yourself accountable. Exercise can include initially just walking around everyday.
  • Along with this, losing weight is essentially expending more calories a day than you consume.
  • Once you start feeling a little bit better about your body, you might even consider joining a gym if possible. If you have 24 hour gyms, you can join one and go at times where there are some, but not too many people. This could be a good way to get used to being around people, while being in a place where people are focused on themselves and not on you (thus hopefully reducing some anxiety)
  • Also, start setting out small goals for yourself every day, and as you get better at accomplishing them, add more. For instance, let's assume I lay in bed all day. My first goal might be to make sure I take a shower everyday at a consistent time. I then might add making sure I brush my teeth right after.
  • In order to figure out what you want to do, try making a list of careers you don't want to do?
  • Or, figure out a general idea of what you want to do. "I want to help people" or "I want to make a lot of money" or "I want to build cool stuff", etc. Then gradually get into the specifics of that general idea.

As far as hobbies go, what used to be your hobbies? Are there an kind of small clubs that sound interesting in your home town you could join? Like an archery club or something random?

Sorry for the splattering of general ideas. Let me know if you want to talk and feel free to PM me if you want about anything. Remember that this will be a process, and you should focus on the small victories. You aren't going to change your life around in a matter of a day, just like you can't put a roof on a house until the foundations and walls are built. Focus on getting on a schedule of some sorts, and go from there. And remember, you can do this, you are able to do this, and you deserve to live a happy life.
 

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Stop actively seeking a meaning and try to focus one of your problems. It doesn't have to be the most crucial one. One step at a time. I know it will be hard and frustrating at first. Just trust me and try to live the life beyond definitions, instead of loving it on purpose. You will end up loving yourself and it will be "the life", not "your life" anymore.
 

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Stop actively seeking a meaning and try to focus one of your problems. It doesn't have to be the most crucial one. One step at a time. I know it will be hard and frustrating at first. Just trust me and try to live the life beyond definitions, instead of loving it on purpose. You will end up loving yourself and it will be "the life", not "your life" anymore.
this is exactly what it is. the harder you try to find something, the more you push what is natural and true to yourself off to the sides.
 

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Dear god, I can relate, OP! I've always thought I had absolutely no love for life whatsoever, and even when I'm not depressed, people think I am?

I never really GOT what people loved about life. :p I just try to forget about it and find things to occupy my time, but it's something anyone who gets to know me WILL find out eventually and it really bothers some people. I wish I could give some advice. Sadly, all I can really suggest is getting a job, since that seems like the first step in your case. And if you can't find one, have you considered using volunteering to try getting your foot in the door somewhere?
 

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I think you have to find the special things that you love about life. In this way it's not about "do I deserve to love life?" but "what is there in life to love, and how can I love it properly?"

One of my coworkers majored in psychology. We work at a low paying job together (I majored in English) *waves,* lol. She was actually born with deformities, whereas I just imagine them (if you consider charisma and personality, she has the more well-formed between the two of us).
I agree that you should focus on changing one thing that you can.

But IDK about people who seem to love life. I know that I don't love life for the same reasons as them. I don't think it's useful to compare. If I were in another person's place, who really loved their life, I don't know that I would love it too.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Dear god, I can relate, OP! I've always thought I had absolutely no love for life whatsoever, and even when I'm not depressed, people think I am?

I never really GOT what people loved about life. :p I just try to forget about it and find things to occupy my time, but it's something anyone who gets to know me WILL find out eventually and it really bothers some people. I wish I could give some advice. Sadly, all I can really suggest is getting a job, since that seems like the first step in your case. And if you can't find one, have you considered using volunteering to try getting your foot in the door somewhere?
Volunteering is something I'll have to do and something I'm open to. Many wise men had said the quickest cure to depression and loneliness is volunteering. I can see myself working with people with disabilities and addictions so I might look for a volunteer position along those lines.
 

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Volunteering is something I'll have to do and something I'm open to. Many wise men had said the quickest cure to depression and loneliness is volunteering. I can see myself working with people with disabilities and addictions so I might look for a volunteer position along those lines.
I think volunteering can be a godsend for some people. Good luck. :)
 

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I focus on a love for God and he gives me moments in life to love.

Looking just to worldly life as fulfillment never worked that well for me long-term. If you really think about it, life at face value isn't always fulfilling... some people are lucky maybe... some people just chase after one high and then the next.

Life by itself, without God, was never intended to be fulfilling because it's not really life. Even if you don't believe, who said worldly life was supposed to be fulfilling in the first place?
 

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-No job yet (for 6 moths now). I don't have a stellar degree to land anything decent and too much into debt to pursue further studies. My major was psychology, but don't have marks to pursue graduate school, or the skills to pussue anything in the field.
Start applying anywhere and everywhere you think you could work. You have a degree at least, so that opens some opportunity.
-I've become agoraphobic. Interacting with anyone scares me a lot. I don't even go out anymore.
My roommate can be like this a lot. I'm not sure what to do. I would say ease your way back into the world. Just look for people that make you feel comfortable and you can actually trust.
-Don't have any friends.
Start doing things. Examine yourself. Before entering into a relationship with another of any kind, you should first know yourself, AND like yourself. If you don't want your company, who will?
-I just spend everyday doing nothing, and stay submerged in a sense of purposelessness.
Well do something. Do chores, do an art, do exercise, look into philosophy, go to somewhere like starbucks or a low key bar.
-I have no love for life.
To basically repeat what I said before, you have to love and want to be around yourself before anyone else will want to. You have to know yourself. Work out and take care of yourself, do things you like, and you will find people who like that to. Same thing goes for things you love. You have to be able to relate to others and see where they are coming, and also know yourself and love where you are coming from.

Chronic problem:
-I've always been overweight and I believe that it's the problem to everything. My self-esteem is low because of this, and that's why I don't interact with people much, and that's why all the other problems are occurring
Eat less, exercise more. Make it a life habit. It works every time. I was in wrestling. I saw people of all weights getting in shape and losing weight.

-I have no idea what to do as a career.
Well start trying to do whatever makes you the most money. Since you don't really care what job you have, just follow income.

I've always wanted to be one of the normal folks, going to their 9-5, smile, enjoy life, enjoy love, etc. but I feel it's impossible for me to do so. i feel like the ship has sailed and there's nothing I can do now to love life. Nothing cheers me up, and I frequently wonder what'd it be like to 'not exist'.
9-5s aren't that great, just stable and secure usually. Just start applying everywhere. One of my roommates moms has a job as a loan officer at bank and she majored in Biology.

Anything I can do to get out of this rut and discover the love for life? All of us meant to love life?
Follow that advice for your questions. If I wasn't clear, please ask me to clarify.
 

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One thing that always helps is exercise. It's easy to say and hard to do, I'm with you there. I would advise using mental health and not weight as a motivator; you will simply feel much much better. Despite what the mass media will tell you, you can be a heavier individual and still be quite physically healthy.
 

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Probably the best way of discovering a love for life is to be curious about it, and to want to explore and find out.
Now, you say that you're in a rut. How much do you know about life outside your own country? About history and science and the arts and other cultures?

Can I suggest:
  • Travel / adventure. Books in which people see the world & have new experiences. Although it may not help you in your immediate material circumstances, it will remind you that there's a world out there to explore, and will hopefully engage your curiosity.
  • Magazines: National Geographic, Scientific American, &c.


A lot of having a positive world view has to do with the mental atmosphere you create. What sort of books do you read? What sort of music do you listen to? What sort of TV do you watch?
Comedy. Anything which makes you laugh, particularly if it's clever & good natured, is great.

Practical stuff: Have you seen a careers counsellor, or a job advisor? Are you registered with any job agencies? Are there any mental health support groups in your neighbourhood? Have you had a look on Meetup?

I’d also put in a vote for volunteering. I went through a stage in my early 20s when I was isolated and miserable. I realised that, unless I took action, life wasn’t going to get better, and I wasn’t going to do anything. So I threw myself into the deep end: I became a tour guide at a local museum (one of the best ways of overcoming social anxiety is to be in a position where you have to engage with people), taught English to migrants, and worked backstage in the theatre.

Also: what about TESOL/TEFL? The courses aren’t expensive (less than $1K), and it will give you a skill that is in demand across the world. It's something you can do (that pays) while working out what to do with yourself. It would be a ticket out of your current situation, and into the outside world. If you find your immediate surroundings drab, would (say) SE Asia, Eastern Europe, South America or Turkey be more exciting?
 
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