LemonKaleidescope;bt34328 said:
I know this was a few months ago, but I am definitely dealing with the same situation...though we did break up a few months ago and i recently decided to give him another shot. i did not realize how emotionally unstable he really was until not...same deal: family issues, lack of support, Im his only motivation. I finally convinced him to get counseling, but i need to tell him its over but im not sure how...it's just really hard because I still care about him, and we would definitely be perfect for eachother if he didnt have issues...he has attempted suiced in the past from an abusive relationship and im so scared...any advise?
I'm glad I can actually help someone else with this now! Iended things with my now-ex about 2 months ago and I can tell you that it was one of the smartest decisions I've ever made. I know you care about your boyfriend bottom line: if you aren't happy in your relationship, you should end it. First of all, it sounds like he is not at a point in his life where having a girlfriend is healthy- needs to get help for himself and figure out his own life before he wraps someone else into it. It's not fair to you and I'm sure deep down he knows that.
Even if you two are perfect for each other, right now is not the right time to be with him. Maybe at some point in the future when both of you are at a good place in your own lives, it could work. But you will never get to that point as long as he has his own issues that need to be taken care of.
I'll be honest, the break up was hard. Even though I tried for a while to make it obvious that our relationship was coming to an end, he was completely blindsided when I actually did it. He kept calling me and texting me and he even convinced me to let him come to my house to just talk about it (bad idea). He just kept asking me why I ended it and what he did wrong and all that I could say was that I was sorry and that deep down I knew it wasn't going to work. He tried really hard to change my mind but from the start I knew I wasn't going to. If you do choose to break up with your boyfriend, you need to make a promise to yourself that you are going to go through with it. He will say
whatever he can to try and convince you otherwise but you can't give in.
If you go through with it, I would say to cut off all communication for at least a few weeks afterwards. He'll probably say that he has no one and he can't lose you and he might even threaten to kill himself. If you think he is capable of hurting himself, call his family and tell them that you're worried about him. If he has a temper and you think he might get violent, end it with him somewhere public or with someone you know nearby.
Although it was difficult, the choice I made was ultimately the best for both of us. Friends told me that he was really depressed for a while but even in two months I think he's doing substantially better. I promise that actually breaking up with him is the hardest part. It will be really crappy for a few days probably. But it WILL get better! I know I sound corny but I am so much happier now than I was half a year ago. I did have some great times with him, but that's just not worth it if your conscience is telling you it's not right.
One of my favorite quotes is "It won't be easy, but it will be worth it". You deserve to be happy and it is clear that you aren't. It'll only be worse for both of you the longer you delay it. I wish you the best of luck!
