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How to end it with an emotionally unstable boyfriend?

3836 Views 5 Replies 3 Participants Last post by  LemonKaleidescope
Hi! This is my first time on here. I doubt anyone will actually read this let alone respond but I just need to get this all out there. I've been really torn and confused lately because I just don't know what to do about my relationship. P.s. thanks in advance for reading my sob story haha! Ok so here's the deal...

I'm a junior in high school and so is my boyfriend.. we've been together nearly two years so you'd think we're just young and naive but we're sort of like a married couple. He has a really messed up family (older brother in an out of rehab who's living at home and constantly getting in physical fights with my boyfriend, dad is an ex drug dealer) who in the past hasn't been supportive of him. Although he has never been mean to me, I can tell he has anger issues by the way he fights with and talks about his brother and dad. Once he got in a severe fight with his dad who is on the verge of physical abuse and he called me and told me he'd rather just be dead and that he was going to try and kill himself ( I think this was a cry for attention because the way he was planning on doing it would clearly not work, thank god). I know he tries and hides his issues from me because he thinks they'll scare me away. I've tried numerous times to talk with him about it but to no avail.

He also has sort of a jealousy issue and it's come to the point where I've lost most of my guy friends because it's just easier not to talk to them than for my boyfriend to feel threatened by them. He's never tried to directly control me or forbid me or anything but I know how he feels.

With it coming to close to my senior year and getting ready to leave for college, I already know that I don't want to continue the relationship. My grades are a lot higher than his and I know he feels inferior and almost worthless because of it.

The problem is that I just don't feel the way I did towards him as I did in the beginning. I think he's always been able to sense my hesitations towards the relationship and because of that, he just tries harder to hold onto me. Before I had any doubts about the relationship, we would do the typical teenager-in-love-thing and talk about our future and we even promised we'd get married. I know that in his mind, he thinks he'll never do better than me (totally not true) and so he hangs onto me and constantly tells me how much he loves me, how I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him, etc. I feel extremely guilty because I let him say these things and I even say them back to him even though I know in my heart that it's not true.

He's extremely irrational when he's upset and I'm scared of what he might do when we break up. He doesn't have a whole lot of friends or a great family to support him and he's told me before that I'm his only motivation. I know that this is a kind of manipulation but I also know that he's not kidding. I care tremendously about him and I don't want him to spiral downwards and give up trying because of me. I guess it's kind of selfish because I'm really just trying to escape the guilt of what he could possibly do to himself after we break up.

Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated..
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I know this was a few months ago, but I am definitely dealing with the same situation...though we did break up a few months ago and i recently decided to give him another shot. i did not realize how emotionally unstable he really was until not...same deal: family issues, lack of support, Im his only motivation. I finally convinced him to get counseling, but i need to tell him its over but im not sure's just really hard because I still care about him, and we would definitely be perfect for eachother if he didnt have issues...he has attempted suiced in the past from an abusive relationship and im so scared...any advise?
thank you so much! that was definitely the mindset I had when I first ended it with him, and now I can feel better that I made the right decision. I actually broke it off with him yesterday and it's been hard...but now i certainly know that it takes more than a few months for someone to change. I'm glad your situation turned out well, and thanks again for replying! We just gotta stay strong :p
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