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Discussion Starter #1
Saw a question and it made me think for a bit:

Do you prefer to fall in love at first sight, or slowly grow fond of a person?
At first I said, slowly grow fond of a person, but assuming both 'routes' end up with a happy relationship, I didn't convince myself that love at first sight would be terrible...

If you had the choice, which way would you prefer to fall in love. Assuming you have a great person for you, there is no ulterior motive, and both ways would end happily. Would it matter? No? Yes? Why?

I haven't thought about this in a minute, so I need to awaken my romance chemicals and figure out what my answer would truly be.. :blushed:
 

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The question isn't a real dichotomy. So my answer isn't one or the other of those.

This question makes it seem like there is no attraction at first sight, and it only manifests over time for the latter.

And it also suggests that at first sight you experience the fullness of your love for this person and it never grows beyond first sight for the former.

I prefer to be attracted at first sight, and grow fonder slowly over time.
 

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Agree with @Lord Pixel

If there is not some instant connection, it’s dobtful anything will grow from there. But love develops over time. You can have lust at first sight, but not love.

If it matters, I’ve had instant connections with all my close friends too. Almost crush-like in fact.
 

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My wife told someone before we ever talked that she was going to marry me.
The first time I remember her looking at me she had a look of absolute certainty in her eyes that was hard to ignotre.
So what makes someone attractive isn't what they look like but rather how they look at you.
How did my wife know I was the one? Because I reminded her of her father.
I was immediately comfortable with her when we first met.

So for us it was a combination of first sight and then growing closer within a committed relationship.
26 years later she told me she still got goosebumps looking at me.
We liked each other. We didn't get along in many ways but deep down we did like each other.
Before she died we had an opportunity to have dinner at a diner where we shared one of our first dinners together which seemed to complete a circle for us.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
The question isn't a real dichotomy. So my answer isn't one or the other of those.

This question makes it seem like there is no attraction at first sight, and it only manifests over time for the latter.

And it also suggests that at first sight you experience the fullness of your love for this person and it never grows beyond first sight for the former.

I prefer to be attracted at first sight, and grow fonder slowly over time.
Agree with @Lord Pixel

If there is not some instant connection, it’s dobtful anything will grow from there. But love develops over time. You can have lust at first sight, but not love.

If it matters, I’ve had instant connections with all my close friends too. Almost crush-like in fact.
These responses are along the lines of what I've come to think, sparks are very exciting, but I like the slow realization that I just can't get enough of someone else. I'm not stellar at being present in my emotions, so it always takes a while for it to click, even if my actions give me away long before.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
My wife told someone before we ever talked that she was going to marry me.
The first time I remember her looking at me she had a look of absolute certainty in her eyes that was hard to ignotre.
So what makes someone attractive isn't what they look like but rather how they look at you.
How did my wife know I was the one? Because I reminded her of her father.
I was immediately comfortable with her when we first met.

So for us it was a combination of first sight and then growing closer within a committed relationship.
26 years later she told me she still got goosebumps looking at me.
We liked each other. We didn't get along in many ways but deep down we did like each other.
Before she died we had an opportunity to have dinner at a diner where we shared one of our first dinners together which seemed to complete a circle for us.
The bolded gave me complete chills, what an amazing thing to know for SURE. I'm very happy you both had that immediate ease with each other, that's ideal in so many ways.
 
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I'm not sure I'm capable of (being aware of?) attraction at first sight, and I definitely need to watch and prod before I can firmly conclude that I'm interested. I am probably capable of physical attraction at first sight, but suspicious of it since it comes so easily and often for the wrong people.

In other words, I would generally say that I prefer to grow fond over time, but it'd be interesting to experience strong feelings on day 1, see what that feels like.
 

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Containing my criticism for all other responses here, I say clearly and out rightly Love at first sight. How long is that first sight? If one looks too unabashedly, does that count as love or does it change into wilfulness? If it is contained within the first encounter then what of the times when you look at your lover years after being together and find them totally new. what if every single day you look at the person and find her new over and over and find yourself endlessly fascinated as to who is she? Where did she come into my life from?

love at first sight is a rocky road. The person will turn out to be different from your enchanted imagination and that will be rather painful to endure. But after that happens a few too many times, you kind of get addicted to it. What is this magical thing happening to me? You want more of it. More and more. The violation of your imagined ideal becomes the beautiful ideal. With time the assaults of heartbreaks become subtler, softer and in their softness there is much delight. You can look back at your life and cry for hours for how beautiful it had been and I would not trade for anything for what I have with my wife.
 
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Containing my criticism for all other responses here, I say clearly and out rightly Love at first sight. How long is that first sight? If one looks too unabashedly, does that count as love or does it change into wilfulness? If it is contained within the first encounter then what of the times when you look at your lover years after being together and find them totally new. what if every single day you look at the person and find her new over and over and find yourself endlessly fascinated as to who is she? Where did she come into my life from?

love at first sight is a rocky road. The person will turn out to be different from your enchanted imagination and that will be rather painful to endure. But after that happens a few too many times, you kind of get addicted to it. What is this magical thing happening to me? You want more of it. More and more. The violation of your imagined ideal becomes the beautiful ideal. With time the assaults of heartbreaks become subtler, softer and in their softness there is much delight. You can look back at your life and cry for hours for how beautiful it had been and I would not trade for anything for what I have with my wife.
It's only love at first sight though, not love everytime you look at them.
 

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I'm not sure I'm capable of (being aware of?) attraction at first sight, and I definitely need to watch and prod before I can firmly conclude that I'm interested. I am probably capable of physical attraction at first sight, but suspicious of it since it comes so easily and often for the wrong people.

In other words, I would generally say that I prefer to grow fond over time, but it'd be interesting to experience strong feelings on day 1, see what that feels like.
It mostly feels like infatuation lol.
 
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Ok, I don't think words will serve me there lol, it's a taste you can only know while chewing.
Yes... Like durian. I shall keep my eyes open.
 
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Lol, I'm glad there's an actual food like that.
This thread does make me wonder if INFPs tend to expect their relationships to be emotionally intense, at least in the beginning. One of the more recurring themes with my INFP ex is that she doesn't feel like anyone has "wanted her from the get go", which pains her very much. I think she has dated the wrong kind of guys for that, such as yours truly :-/ Although I made other mistakes as well from day one, it still makes me wonder.

Do you think INFPs tend to want Fi-re from very early on? My INFP ex is SX-first, if that makes any difference. I'm SP-first. The only form of early attraction I have detected in myself so far is physical, everything else seems to build up more gradually. Bit like an old steam train slowly building up speed. And I don't like physical attraction coming on quickly, because what if the soul inhabiting the hawt body is unattractive to me? They tend to be for me ... I tend to be physically drawn to SPs, but not mentally :-/
 

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This thread does make me wonder if INFPs tend to expect their relationships to be emotionally intense, at least in the beginning. One of the more recurring themes with my INFP ex is that she doesn't feel like anyone has "wanted her from the get go", which pains her very much. I think she has dated the wrong kind of guys for that, such as yours truly :-/ Although I made other mistakes as well from day one, it still makes me wonder.

Do you think INFPs tend to want Fi-re from very early on? My INFP ex is SX-first, if that makes any difference. I'm SP-first. The only form of early attraction I have detected in myself so far is physical, everything else seems to build up more gradually. Bit like an old steam train slowly building up speed. And I don't like physical attraction coming on quickly, because what if the soul inhabiting the hawt body is unattractive to me? They tend to be for me ... I tend to be physically drawn to SPs, but not mentally :-/
Sorry to hear about what happened with you and your ex BTW.

I get what you mean when you say you can't trust physical attraction head on. It sucks for me when I am so physically attracted and then they open their mouth and all my interest just ricochets right off them.

Um, I only got myself as a reference here so if you don't mind me using that.

That seems more SX-dom to me. Like super duper strong feelings from the person upfront are rare for me, and they can be suspicious to me, like I don't trust all this head on interest coming from a stranger, but it's nice, but suspicious. I can't trust it because the person doesn't know me, so what are they interested in, my looks, well that's not gonna hold interest for long. Yea I'm ok with someone wanting me from the get go, but not super duper, I actually prefer to earn their interest instead of them being so keen so fast. I can trust their interest when I have personally built it in them through flirting and banter, because I know why they like me and if I can sustain that or if it's a natural part of me, then I know they like the real me.

I also agree with you that for me it builds up more over time, but physical and even a good amount of rapport is experienced at the initial start. It never starts at 0, it starts from something then builds. Perhaps SX needs it to start at a higher amount. Gender could also play a role, I don't think many guys experience being so wanted up front. So her expectations might be different as a girl. Does she mean wanted at all, or intensely wanted?
 

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I've had both... but the first sight is more like how they look at you.. their smile and what you perceive that the smile means. Just as a certain smile will tell me something, so will a certain touch. I am very sensitive to words, touch, and facial/body language.

I will say, too, that my own intention toward someone will often be the determining factor in how I feel. So if I have high hopes, love will grow easily... but, even more... if they open their heart to me and share things with me that are very intimate, very personal.. BOOM!
 

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If you had the choice, which way would you prefer to fall in love. Assuming you have a great person for you, there is no ulterior motive, and both ways would end happily. Would it matter? No? Yes? Why?
Love at first sight would be an experience. I cannot bring myself to say it doesn't work like that -- that's too much of a blanket statement. My only experiences with others have been a spark at the beginning, but it always wore off; and nowadays, that wearing seems to come at a faster pace than I'm aware.

Sparks are more interesting. There is a sense of passion involved, like shooting stars in the night sky, where they come and go at their own will; and if it so happens not to go, it's probably an oncoming meteor about to strike me dead. My shell is pretty coarse, I think, to feel desirability towards gradual affection, and that spark at the beginning is probably the only thing strong enough to pierce through. A gradual tending wouldn't produce much effect, as the shell would simply repair itself and develop a stronger immunity, boring and tiring us both.

I do enjoy that spontaneous warmth in the diaphragm when eyes meet for the first time. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, I know the other person feels it too. I think if one is conscious enough, one can observe how their face responds to the feeling in a short burst, usually with how their brow quivers or their throat does a quick contraction as if they took a sharp, uncontrollable breath, or I'm simply arrogant to assume meaning to such observations -- to have acted upon them, however, never once backfired.

That's all I have.

Another experience, though, had been a mutual hatred towards one another, then as the cliche goes, there was a huge misunderstanding on both parties, tears flowed, passion erupted. Life always gets in the way, however, and if one or the other isn't willing to make the compromise or sacrifice, naturally a separation is inevitable. Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder, I think is the saying. Passions are susceptible to death, so I think there needs to be a balance between passion and obsession to keep the spark alive. I do have commitment issues, so maybe listen to everything I say, then do the complete and utter opposite.
 
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