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Hoping I can get some help from you guys.

My best friend recently found out that she is an INFJ. She is a nurse and struggling with the mass amount of different emotions she is bombarded with. I am trying to help her learn how to filter, but I'm not sure how to articulate it to her. She is having a hard time and I really want to help. Thank you!
 

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Hoping I can get some help from you guys.

My best friend recently found out that she is an INFJ. She is a nurse and struggling with the mass amount of different emotions she is bombarded with. I am trying to help her learn how to filter, but I'm not sure how to articulate it to her. She is having a hard time and I really want to help. Thank you!
She needs to strengthen her Ti. Fe won't go overboard when it's checked by Ti. It's basically running outside sensation/information thru a thinking/rationing process. Once it's done, the mind would obtain a certain peace and less likely to feel overwhelmed all the time.
 

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There's a certain subset of professions that can be particularly difficult for some many to handle. We're talking like policing, military, firefighter, EMT, social workers, certain types of nurses/doctors (especially ER) and alike. There's a certain irony in that while people in these professions are often tasked with helping people, their way of coping (or lack thereof) tends to lead them down a path that wears them down and seemingly far removed from your everyday person. Bluntly, they usually end up a bit screwy in the head. As you can imagine, certain types of people like HSP are predisposed to more woes in these sort of fields, but I think it takes its toll on everyone in different ways.

(skippable)
So if we take policing as an example, since that's where I'm most experienced, I like to think everyone goes in with good intentions, but something happens along the road. Some get really power and control driven -- a man's man sort of macho type. Whereas some of the guys that I've met really seemed sullen, apathetic, or potentially even suicidal. Usually both end up paranoid though. In any case, you can see how some harden too much while the other basically decays inside. That aside, in policing there's something called the "blue wall" and the idea is behind that is that cops talk to cops because there's no one else they can talk to about the shit they see or experience.

  • So as it pertains to your friend, I imagine it might be helpful for her to talk to other nurses and explore how they feel/cope with such things -- the more perspectives she gets the better as this may help her work through her own thoughts.
  • Awful as this may sound, some people find joking about cruder topics tends to help.
  • Another option is getting a therapist (ideally) or perhaps call a free Crisis / Help phone service occasionally.
  • Not sure I'd recommend this to most people as there are trade offs, but I'd look into de-personalization or de-sensitization techniques.
  • While I'm always shaky on it, sometimes medication may help, but I'd try to explore the other options first.
  • Outlets are important as well so that she can de-stress when work it over (+ important to get some good sleep).
  • This is just me, but people with anxiety or high emotional volatility sometimes need to up ease on caffeine or sugar.
  • If worse comes to worst a career change or perhaps switching to a potentially less stressful nursing position.
 

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Just from reading this forum I notice that INFJs do too much internal processing, which ends up in an unresolved loop, to which they keep adding new input until they gridlock. Then some have more developed Ti which makes them seem like a different type. I'd say more human interaction on a practical level would help, like hanging out with ENxPs who generally resolve easily and are more result-oriented.
 

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I am the friend she posted about :)
I'm an RN (obviously) and I work in a family practice. We see up to twenty patients a day in my office (my practice has three offices). It's not overly stressful, it's much more relaxed and fun than any other nursing job I've had and I love my job.
It's only been a few weeks since I took the Myers Briggs test and started looking into the INFJ personality.
I've been having a lot of problems lately, my moods are all over the place, I'm constantly stressed out and exhausted.
I'm thinking half my problem is the amount of patients we see in a day...all of them in a different mood/mindset. Happy, sad, depressed, angry, cranky, anxious...I just bounce around them all throughout the day. By the time I get home at night (usually in time to stuff my face and put the kids to bed) I'm crabby and exhausted.
CandyKaBOOM said I need to try to learn to filter everyone else's feelings so that it isn't so overwhelming, I'm just not sure how you guys do this?
I'm very very new to all of this, so I'm not sure what Ti is or how to develop is or what an ENxP is?
 

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I am the friend she posted about :)
I'm an RN (obviously) and I work in a family practice. We see up to twenty patients a day in my office (my practice has three offices). It's not overly stressful, it's much more relaxed and fun than any other nursing job I've had and I love my job.
It's only been a few weeks since I took the Myers Briggs test and started looking into the INFJ personality.
I've been having a lot of problems lately, my moods are all over the place, I'm constantly stressed out and exhausted.
I'm thinking half my problem is the amount of patients we see in a day...all of them in a different mood/mindset. Happy, sad, depressed, angry, cranky, anxious...I just bounce around them all throughout the day. By the time I get home at night (usually in time to stuff my face and put the kids to bed) I'm crabby and exhausted.
CandyKaBOOM said I need to try to learn to filter everyone else's feelings so that it isn't so overwhelming, I'm just not sure how you guys do this?
I'm very very new to all of this, so I'm not sure what Ti is or how to develop is or what an ENxP is?
So you're the one... that's very cute.

OK lets forget the technical gibberish then. You're probably internalizing your patient's problems, so you just need to unwind. I love nurses.
 

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Argh I saw a great list online on a blog a couple months ago about signs that your Ti is strengthening and now I can't find it to share with you. When I started learning about INFJ I became more aware of all sorts of things so there is an adjustment period / learning about all these new ideas about yourself. Its exciting! Welcome to INFJ land!

INFJ's do things a bit different so advice that works / comes from other types may or may not work for you. That's ok. Your goal is to figure out what works for you. How to unwind and decompress, and how to be at work all day and be compassionate and all that without burning out. You can do it. I bet other INFJ nurses have some insight into this and may help (calling INFJ nurses!).

To answer your question, it develops over time like other skills with people. It takes time but personally I believe it is the natural development of an INFJ over the course of their life to develop their Ti. Not abandon their Ni and Fe, just grow as a person and for INFJ, that means strengthen the Ti.

An aside - I was reading an article a while back, and it was about developing compassion. I read it and thought: there are people who need to be told this? Whaa???? Every MBTI type has a 3rd function that they can work to strengthen. Ours is not in the area of feeling other peoples feelings, so your post makes perfect sense to me as an INFJ. But post it or tell it to someone with some other MBTI type, and they'd be like "what are you talking about?".

Most people here have way more insight into the functions than I do. To my mind, Ti is about boundaries and coming to understand that your values regarding caring for people (the reasons you are a good nurse) are not incongruent with your self care.

It can feel really weird when you start to realize you are practicing strengthening your Ti with people. I think that it can feel confusing to an INFJ to not feel so much from another person when you are used to "bouncing around" as you describe.

It can feel like you are training yourself to be a jerk - to do what you hate most, be uncaring or narcissistic! But it's not. Ti is what develops in an INFJ as you become more wise in life. It gives us longevity so we can age well. Well that is what I believe right now anyways.
 

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I am the friend she posted about :)
I'm an RN (obviously) and I work in a family practice. We see up to twenty patients a day in my office (my practice has three offices). It's not overly stressful, it's much more relaxed and fun than any other nursing job I've had and I love my job.
It's only been a few weeks since I took the Myers Briggs test and started looking into the INFJ personality.
I've been having a lot of problems lately, my moods are all over the place, I'm constantly stressed out and exhausted.
I'm thinking half my problem is the amount of patients we see in a day...all of them in a different mood/mindset. Happy, sad, depressed, angry, cranky, anxious...I just bounce around them all throughout the day. By the time I get home at night (usually in time to stuff my face and put the kids to bed) I'm crabby and exhausted.
CandyKaBOOM said I need to try to learn to filter everyone else's feelings so that it isn't so overwhelming, I'm just not sure how you guys do this?
I'm very very new to all of this, so I'm not sure what Ti is or how to develop is or what an ENxP is?
I dealt with this when I first got into massage therapy. Other therapists warned me about "taking on" my client's energy and I didn't believe it at first until it started happening. INFJ's can become ungrounded fairly quickly, and physically internalize stress more than a lot of other types. I did little things to keep in touch with myself and body. I wore a small heating pad on my lower back that kept me loose. I used grounding essential oils with my clients unless they requested otherwise, and I'd put it on my own pressure points. I'm not sure if you could find a way to incorporate aroma therapy into your day as an RN? Salt scrubs are supposed to neutralize energy, and I'd use them when I got home at night. Lots of comedy shows and stand up before bed as pick me ups. I'd take long walks instead of lunch breaks too, and I'd snack throughout the day - mostly on vegetables and tofu or other forms of protein. I tried to avoid sugar and caffeine and larger meals since they'd contribute to crashes and I reserved that kind of stuff for days off. Little adjustments like that actually went a long way.

Good luck! That's awesome that you love your job :)
 

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Just from reading this forum I notice that INFJs do too much internal processing, which ends up in an unresolved loop, to which they keep adding new input until they gridlock. Then some have more developed Ti which makes them seem like a different type. I'd say more human interaction on a practical level would help, like hanging out with ENxPs who generally resolve easily and are more result-oriented.
It's true, that helps.
The two ENTPs i know well tell me regularly to calm down, to stop beating myself up... And though their words are no revelation, it certainly does help.
 

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@RNMommy

Hug for you to be a nurse. No amount of money or glory can induce me to be a doctor or a nurse. I knew how much I could absorb other people's energy field. Facing sick people all day can seriously damage my own mental health.

It took me 20+ years to finally be rational enough to treasure the moment and let go after the moment's gone. When you face a patient you help the patient any way you can. Once the patient's done, you shut it down mentally. After all, you are but one person, not God. Whatever suffering this patient is going thru, you can't be there for her/him.

We all have our own cross to bear. Momentary kindness and loving gesture often go a long way, longer than the giver realizes. If most people you encounter a day would pad your back, say something positive, or simply smile at you, wouldn't you feel so much better regardless how bleak your situation may be???

So you try your best to be that person, a person to exude positive energy in small doses and tiny gestures. It's a fine balance but you can do it (you have to do it), if you want to work as a nurse for the next 20, 30 years.
 
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