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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I hope I lured you in with the title, if so, welcome :kitteh:

Recently I've come to conclusion that Ni-Te, while analytically powerful, is almost a liability when it comes to connecting to people. It can proxy Fi, but only in a distorted form, stripping it of the personal meaning it has. Trying to understand how I feel about things has been relatively easy once I realized that, my anima/inner woman/inner feeler is pretty much in charge of all things human-centered, to the point that I don't see "her" as separate from me.

The challenge I face is in reaching out to people, like right now I'm forced to use Te to explain, which in no way can channel all my feelings in natural form. My suspicion that extroverted perception approach is much better fit has recently been getting stronger and stronger. Mostly due Se experiences, where I'm out exploring. A recent and simply example was last week where I was the mood to find some nice shirts for my clothing collection, so I went to the city center, which ended being a so much more open, exploration, like/dislike experience. Unfortunately it takes quite a bit of energy, so after a few hours I'm refreshed, but need recharging.

Ne is much harder for me, in very short bursts I can do it, but it has the potential to crash my brain, or at least that's what it feels like when I tried to use it. I've had to rely more on experiences of interacting with Ne users to understand it. Together with Si, I'm more able to be present with people who use this heavily in the last half year.

So here I am, with the understanding that the Ni filter isn't helping with experiencing life and people, but I come from a place where everything was channeled through Ni. Fi and Se are in various stages of pre-adult life. I still have have a child like curiosity, but the world I face is an adult one.

This brings me to friendship, I told myself once that if I have 5 friends when I die I will have done well. I need to start looking for people I can connect with, and who can accelerate the process of building non-Ni experiences. Right now I'm still trying to experience genuine connection, without having to dump the totality of my feelings on a person in a sort of child like enthusiasm, which usually is too intimate for a friendship.

I'm not really into "guy bonding" over activities, I'm more curious about a combination of intellectual connection and knowing the depths of someones inner being. And willing to risk failure if it helps me understand people better. Knowing that I'm most often found at home or work, I realize I have to do something to reach out. But I don't have the energy to do random searching, it already costs a lot of energy to figure out one person, honestly I wouldn't mind some kind of online service (I live in the Netherlands, in case there are lurkers :wink:).

I'm in my early 30s now, and the natural window for finding people, especially BFFs, is over. Where to look? What do I offer an ENFP, knowing that Ne is one of the hardest things for me to do consciously. I sometimes feel like I'm starting to realize basic stuff that others have known for at least a decade more, because I didn't understand how important the extrovert perceiving was for connection to people.

I'd like to hear your ideas, thoughts and feelings :happy:
 

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Well we actually find Ni fascinating! I'd say, don't discount it yet! INTJs just need to develop or figure out how to use Fi, in my opinion.

Something so unique and cool that you did that I haven't heard anyone else say they've DONE is to try to teach your brain to work in one of these other areas--- that's fascinating! I haven't tried that. The only times I think I experience Ni is when I seem to have a sense that there is more information out there or a sense that the information I've got should fit a certain way--- but actually, I don't know.
You must have a very in-depth knowledge of MBTI functions in order to even attempt to do what you did!
I am into self-improvement. I'm also willing to make mistakes to progress. I think we could help each other. I'm in this with you. Lets figure out what to do..... PM me! =)
Great job, btw!!! Impressive, girlfriend!
 

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Discussion Starter #3
Now that the ENFP crowd is back in the house (weekend over :tongue:), what do I do to attract you to this topic?
I can try some weird titles :kitteh: Or maybe bait you with the promise of a puzzle? I can try doing a death stare if it makes you happy :exterminate:
 

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Discussion Starter #5
I can't imagine ever being "lured" by an INTJ, unless they have incredibly subtle pro ninja social skills to fool me (doubtful). Otherwise I'm going to see that move as cheesy.

My connections with INTJs have precisely been special because they were authentic, and felt like wonderful accidents.
So I'm supposed to make myself findable? :eek:h:

Aren't ENFP's usually/often the paradoxical playful/serious people?
 

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I enjoy the INTJ type (My girlfriend is one). The death stare is a challenge, and I like challenges :cool:
Usually, the ENFP does the finding but it's always welcome whenever someone does it. There are plenty of interesting ENFPs here so that's a good start, but they're generally everywhere so it won't be that difficult. We enjoy playfullness and witt which I'm sure you have. :ball:
 

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Discussion Starter #7
I enjoy the INTJ type (My girlfriend is one). The death stare is a challenge, and I like challenges :cool:
Usually, the ENFP does the finding but it's always welcome whenever someone does it. There are plenty of interesting ENFPs here so that's a good start, but they're generally everywhere so it won't be that difficult. We enjoy playfullness and witt which I'm sure you have. :ball:
Interesting combo, I wonder what you look like (vibe) as a couple :kitteh:

How do you recognize ENFPs when they are blending in? :unsure:
 

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Great post @HumanBeing as I have the same issues. The Ni and Te makes it hard to connect with people and sometimes I offend them or miss the point of what they are trying to convey. Let me know if you make any progress. I'm interested in seeing if we can grow to make such life changes within ourselves.

Like @Alesha said, learning to use Fi is the key so I have been trying to do that but its hard. I find I try to use thinking to come up with responses that seem like feeling responses, like in an emulated way but often it doesn't work. I wonder how I learn to use Fi.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
@clem

This wouldn't have made any sense to me a year ago, but the key to Fi (among other things) is to be present with your emotions. Doing that can help you get closer to your own feelings about things. You are allowed to like/dislike things just because it feels right. Letting your anima to the forefront also helps, even it feels really weird at first.
 

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Discussion Starter #12 (Edited)
Is your anima a "Genki Grrl" like mine?
:kitteh:
No, my anima doesn't resemble that at all. She is a caring and wise woman, emotionally mature, present with life. It's a bit hard for me to know all the details, because she is me, not separate anymore.

Edit: I did forget playful, but not like the trope you mentioned.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
@Judson Joist

I dug a little deeper in my mind, and there was a phase in my life, about 4 or 5 years ago, when I was into a specific kind of anime. One that focused almost exclusively on the (emotional) relationship between girls/women/etc. But even at the time I had already had my anima dreams already, so I experienced those mostly as a process/phase, although I obviously didn't immediately transition to the awareness I have right now. That required an actual life experience that forced me to realize that my choices were causing me to have a "sage like" distance, and this distance was a part of why I never *felt* connected.

I admit it's a bit hard to talk about this, because the words don't mean a lot without the experience. Hope it helps somewhat :happy:
 

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So I'm supposed to make myself findable?


Aren't ENFP's usually/often the paradoxical playful/serious people?

You just gotta be yourself.. Connecting with more ENFPs is more about two things- getting better at identifying us faster so that you can be aware that you are in the presence of one (for example, I have refined this skill with INFP/INFJ/INTJs- especially because they are the types I tend to be attracted to), and then also just putting yourself out there more.

ENFPs will admittedly be more drawn toward things that involve abstract concepts/ideas and interaction, but overall we are common enough that we are found in a huge range of places. It's more about putting yourself out there, meeting more people, and being good at identifying us so you know what you are working with.

For example- my favourite type has to be INFJ.. My first girlfriend was an INFJ, back then I didn't understand how we connected at that level, which I had not done so before. Over the years I met a few more INFJs here and there, and now I can identify them relatively quickly- there are tell-tale signs. Same with ENFP/INFP/INTJs.. Other types are harder for me because I have had weaker connections with them.

ENFPs are even particularly a type where we tend to vary a lot from each other in many ways, but we do have certain tell-tale signs. Granted it's easier for me because I've been through many stages of development, and been in many different situations, so I understand how we can vary... but you can figure the puzzle out too if you pay attention.

Other than that... yes- just make yourself "findable" and wait a number of months/years LOL. It'll happen as long as you are doing the best things to develop yourself at the same time.
 

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@HumanBeing I've been meaning to mention something as well. So ENFPs, we can be super good at "meeting people where they are at". So what that means is I talk about different things with an INTJ than I do a INFP.....and I know you want the 100%. And that's always what I'm saying I need from INTJs is to open up to the 100%, so well done for sure! Not everyone is so fearless. Tangent: You've probably seen my posts on that around. The most recent one on a thread that was older and it turned out that the INTJ-ENFP couple have now been together romantically for a year! (So cool!)

But the thing is... I do know who I am 100%, and I personally want as much of that 100% showing with my friends and loved ones as possible. Especially if I'm talking Romantic interest-- in fact, I would say I married my husband because I finally felt I could be at least 90% and at least mention the 10% with him. I do not know if this is so for other ENFPs... I mean there is a level where I'm totally content for my acquaintances to only see 20%--- but my closest people will need to see more. This is because of the amount of different interests that are important to me and also their ability to understand my intuitive/feeling/thinking self. Example: I'm only going to talk nature and hiking with one acquaintance and that's all I need from them. My closest friends I want to be able to open up on all of it-- especially the parts I find most meaningful. ENFP gang, what do you think? Is this you too?

But there is almost a problem sometimes, or may be. Usually in meeting people where they are at and not expecting more, then the relationship doesn't deepen. I will have to almost evaluate this process of "meeting someone where they are at" that is pretty darn easy/natural for me and then figuring out where to push out. Maybe more later, but there will be a richer discussion here with the ENFP think-tank. =)
 

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[...]
ENFPs are even particularly a type where we tend to vary a lot from each other in many ways, but we do have certain tell-tale signs. Granted it's easier for me because I've been through many stages of development, and been in many different situations, so I understand how we can vary... but you can figure the puzzle out too if you pay attention.
[...]
I don't want to reveal any secrets; but the lapel button saying "Kiss Me I'm an ENFP " you guys always wear pretty much gives it away.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
I don't want to reveal any secrets; but the lapel button saying "Kiss Me I'm an ENFP " you guys always wear pretty much gives it away.
If only they wore something like that, or if I could see it :sad:
 
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