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How to Gauge Starting a Relationship with an ISFP

433 Views 0 Replies 1 Participant Last post by  cahlin
Hello all!

I am but a humble INFJ woman who is looking to start a relationship with an ISFP woman. We met on a dating app at the beginning of the summer, and we both ended up liking each other's profiles and I made the initial communication, but she was the one who actually asked to meet in person. We ended up really hitting it off, and eventually started seeing each other a couple of times a week with minimal communication in between. I am pretty good at reading people, and can tell that she likes me immensely, just from her smile, the way we engage in conversation, her body language, and the way we can stare into each others eyes for long periods of time. She is just so gentle in a way that I'm not used to, in the sense that she never pushes me, never expects too much from me, and is non-judgemental (at least externally). Coming out of some pretty controlling/abusive family relationships recently, it's been such a blessing and it makes me appreciate her even more.

When we first met I was coming out of a relationship and wasn't looking for anything too serious, or at least didn't have any expectations going forward. I think it showed a little bit in my interactions, just a lot of uncertainty and a lot of holding back on my part. I honestly wasn't expecting to feel as strongly as I do for this ISFP, and it kind of scared me a little. I think we both pulled back a little bit (we ended up having sex a couple weeks after meeting each other, which was such a passionate and emotional experience, but it was the only time we had sex), but I can tell that both of us are wanting to show more in terms of affection, which I will admit has been mostly my issue.

Anyhow we never have really discussed what either of us are looking for, nor what we are expecting out of us dating. I ended up leaving for a month to go on a trip overseas which I had booked months before I met her, but she interestingly enough went on the exact same expedition just a year prior. Before I left however, she decided that she didn't want to stay here in Colorado, and basically told me that she was planning on moving away, which I decided to be stoic about and supported her. We ended up "hanging out" until the day she left, where I feel there was a lingering uneasiness between us about not really wanting to say goodbye. She initially told me that she was leaving for good, but then that day said that she'd be back at least to get her stuff if she was moving on elsewhere. It seemed to me that she was kind of sad and a little clingy towards me that day, bought me ice cream, stared into my eyes, and talked about future travel plans. Anyway when we were parting ways she leaned in for a kiss but I opted for a an INFJ the uncertainty of her coming back held me back from showing my true emotions.

With me being overseas we actually started communicating a little more than we did while we were in the same town, texting when I had reception, her wishing me a happy birthday with kissy emojis, updates on her travels and mine etc., we even talked about traveling to New Zealand together. There were a couple of weeks however that I had no reception, and when I finally made it back we've texted almost everyday...and I feel at least on my part my feelings have grown for her like tenfold, to the point where I can't get her out of my mind. As the days progressed she was complaining to me about how she is having such difficulty because of her failure in planning for her future, and that she was unsure what she wanted to do. Eventually she just asked me what I thought she should do and I said she should move back here because she has family and it makes financial sense until she can figure out what she wants to do. Maybe there was a bit of a selfish motivation in there, but at the same time when she first said she wasn't sure what her future holds I told her I selfishly wanted her to move back here (she hates Colorado), but she should do whatever makes her happy in the end. She decided to move back to CO for at least a little while.

So where we are at now is, it is uncertain if she is staying here for the entire winter or if she's planning on moving on to somewhere else...she did mention that if she does stick it out for the winter, we can figure out our next moves together (as I'm not planning on staying in CO either). I am super reluctant to read into this as her wanting us to move somewhere together (though there was talk of us being in the same city before I had even gone on my trip), or if she's just talking about supporting each other in making decisions or what. She has been wishy-washy in terms of talking about a future together, as have I, but I feel like it's kind of dangling there as this unspoken thing. I am picking her up from the airport late tomorrow night (which she was initially stubborn to accept my offer, and I convinced her with an artistically challenged drawing) and I think she's excited to see me, she said either way we should hang out soon. So I guess my question after all of this is how do I proceed from here? I feel like I want more with her than just a casual dating scenario that we started out as, but her uncertainty as to whether or not she even wants to stay has me a little on guard. I also feel however, that keeping my guard up is just going to hinder me in the end, and I'm almost at the point where I can't keep my feelings contained anyway. I just don't want to scare her off either as I know that she is very independent and likes doing her own thing a lot of the time, as I am very similar. She has mentioned that she has commitment issues. How can I let her know how I feel without overwhelming her or causing her to withdraw?
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