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Discussion Starter #1
Not sure how well this thread is going to be received, but I am an INFP dating an INTP and I swear he's almost always on 24/7, constantly thinking. It's really hard for him to just drop everything he is going through in his mind and just relax. I mean, it's really easy for me because I can just meditate, take a walk, play WoW, exercise, listen to music, etc. and I can relax very easily. He....cannot. lol For the life of me, the only time he can relax is when I massage him and etc in that area. Of course, that's just more work for me when to be honest, I wish there was some other way other than that and sleep for him would help him to relax himself and his head.

Or maybe I'm fighting an uphill battle? Idk, but any advice or personal experiences would really help us out.
 

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Thinking can be also very relaxing, if it is free thinking not job oriented or task oriented...

The drop pants strategy works well, but you cant do that all day long haha...

I myself have no problems with relaxing and I do different stuff during that.
 

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if the INTP is thinking about stuff for work or school. He won't be able to relax until he is finished thinking. Any distraction will just irritate me more. The whole time the attempted distraction is going on, my mind is going to go back to the work I am supposed to be doing...
 

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Discussion Starter #7
The type of thinking he does exhausts him. He does work at home and so he's not easy for him to separate work from play these days. To him, he just can't stop thinking. So when I help him to relax, that's the only time he isn't thinking 100 things per minute and can just rest.

And I tried the 'boobs' thing. lol (and I'm 40 D too) It doesn't always work. Especially when he is working on the computer because he likes to get things done before he does anything else...which drives me nuts because I can easily walk away from something that I had focused on. lol I try to take that load off him by keeping myself busy or hanging around him a bit to remind him I can help him out.

I guess in a way I find it hard to talk to him about stuff I need to talk to him about that is personal when he's always working or thinking about too much in general. I find it hard to interject, although he says I should just speak directly to him. Maybe it's just an INFP thing, but I find it hard to be direct. I can be with good friends, but with him, I just don't want to burden him or make him feel that I have too many issues. I care a lot that I don't care as much as what I want immediately, and I need to work on that.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
if the INTP is thinking about stuff for work or school. He won't be able to relax until he is finished thinking. Any distraction will just irritate me more. The whole time the attempted distraction is going on, my mind is going to go back to the work I am supposed to be doing...
You should see how he is when his mom brings something over and he's busy with work...I just want to slap the shit out of him when he acts like an ass to her. I understand the irritation there, because I am like that with my grandma at times, but still. It's pretty rude. lol
 

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Or maybe I'm fighting an uphill battle? Idk, but any advice or personal experiences would really help us out.
I don't have much advice, but I know the only thing that makes me stop thinking when I'm stressed is really intense exercise - like running quickly or soccer or swimming sprints.

Granted, this may not help much if he prefers lower-intensity exercise.
 

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The type of thinking he does exhausts him. He does work at home and so he's not easy for him to separate work from play these days. To him, he just can't stop thinking. So when I help him to relax, that's the only time he isn't thinking 100 things per minute and can just rest.

And I tried the 'boobs' thing. lol (and I'm 40 D too) It doesn't always work. Especially when he is working on the computer because he likes to get things done before he does anything else...which drives me nuts because I can easily walk away from something that I had focused on. lol I try to take that load off him by keeping myself busy or hanging around him a bit to remind him I can help him out.

I guess in a way I find it hard to talk to him about stuff I need to talk to him about that is personal when he's always working or thinking about too much in general. I find it hard to interject, although he says I should just speak directly to him. Maybe it's just an INFP thing, but I find it hard to be direct. I can be with good friends, but with him, I just don't want to burden him or make him feel that I have too many issues. I care a lot that I don't care as much as what I want immediately, and I need to work on that.
I like getting stuff done in one sitting so I don't get anxious about the details later on.

Although it may be odd to consider this because of how stone faced INTPs can be, but we in fact do care about other people and can be pretty good at helping them if we truly care about them. The older the INTP gets the better he will use his Fe.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Well, if it makes a difference, he is 28 and I'm 22. lol xD And he still has his birthday to look forward to.

I think me and tons of INFPs have huge confidence issues with ourselves so when we deal with more logical/not-as-emotional types, we have a tendency to wonder if we are doing something wrong or not being as good at doing something because we don't get the response we want.
 

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If part of the issue is having a problem talking to him about personal stuff just tell him you would like to talk to him when he gets a chance. The curiosity of what you are going to say will probably make him start thinking about that and drop everything else. As far as ways I relax. I like walking, reading and all the previously mentioned hand jobs and boob stuff is always good too.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
So what you're really asking is not how can you get him to relax, but how do you get more attention from him?
I want him to relax in general, because in the end, I want him to have more of a peace of mind, but as a side note, there are things that require attention between us, so in a way, that would seem I would also want more attention from him...but only because I am not a terribly direct person like he is.
 

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I want him to relax in general, because in the end, I want him to have more of a peace of mind, but as a side note, there are things that require attention between us, so in a way, that would seem I would also want more attention from him...but only because I am not a terribly direct person like he is.
Again, why? If that's not important to him, why is it important to you?
 

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I dunno about him but I'm wired 24/7, it interferes with my sleep

Maybe you should try to tell him that it's ok to be human and imperfect for a while and just to be with you, rather than try to optimize every single experience

and not everything has to be about sex, I don't need sex as much as I need intimacy, just being with somebody and having purely emotional communication, whatever you're feeling at the time

the fact that he works from home makes this more difficult, because his mind will go back to his work unexpectedly
 

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He is 28 and probably at the peak of career when he has a ton of opportunities and freedom for dat cash. Until he prioritizes you over his job, then it probably will not change (cause of dat $$$). What does he do, if you don't mind me asking? I thinking he's like some high stakes wall street financing type (working from home omg so sick). If he has the chances to make 6 figs by just being "on" all the time and never relaxing then fuck relaxing its all about dat cash dolla bill nigguh!

Apologies for my poor English. But my point is that right he is not prioritizing things properly which is why you are spotting a glaring problem in the way he behaves. Until he readjusts his focus then things will not change. Unfortunately handjobs are only a temporary solution (could try a footjob tho...). Long term solution requires more creative solutions.
 

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Like others have said, our minds are always thinking about the things we are interested in. Always. There is no way to shut it off usually.

If you tell us to calm down we will just start over analyzing how to do calm down to the point where we become even more anxious than normal.
 
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