Personality Cafe banner

1 - 10 of 10 Posts

·
Registered
INTJ
Joined
·
449 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I've had ENFP friends for a long time, but the time with them was always limited and it never grew anywhere. Maybe "friend" is not the right word, but first things first.

Every time I met an ENFP (3 so far, all female), we shared a very strong mental connection that I don't have with any other type. A connection of thoughts to the point where one can start a sentence and the other one can end it. You probably know that feeling more than I could describe it. Jumping from one idea to another, analysing life and people, telling funny stories or all of that in one big crazy mix. We were very passionate and often forgot about time and I can tell the ENFPs were enjoying it a great deal (just as I did). Yet, it never went anywhere...

While these shared moments felt great, they are far between and rarely occur. While I get the confirmation that the enjoyment is mutual and such occassions should be repeatet it is hard to actually get something done (call it meeting or date, idc). Usually, the concrete replies are that there is no time or another evasive statement. I get that I am not that important, but it does not make me feel like a full friend, but more as a fun side acquaintance that can be used when a convenient occassion arises.

I would like to break into a closer circle of friends, but that seems out of reach. I see little point in shallow friendships and search for depth. Maybe I am just a naive INTJ who understands people very little. Maybe I don't know you guys well enough and perhaps that is just a thing that I need to accept.

I don't have many friends and really value a meaningful relation to another person. There seems to be a huge amount of potential that is just out of reach. I don't know what to do about it or if I can even change it
Does any of this sound familiar and is there some light that can be shed on the situation? Is what I said not so important after all to an ENFP?

I don't want to give up the possibility that this grows into something more (whatever that may be), but on the other end I am sick of chasing what seem to be lose ends.


I thought about explaining it all in greater detail, but I don't want to write the story of my life here. But I'll happily provide further information.
 

·
Registered
INFJ 6w5 Scorpio
Joined
·
2,223 Posts
My brother's an INTJ, so I pretty much know INTJness. Cousin INTJ, you guys come close, oh so close, to having it all with ENFPs; and for many, it's close enough, and I respect that. But to have it all, you've got to change that T into an F. There's no other way to put it. F is where their souls are.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
381 Posts
My brother's an INTJ, so I pretty much know INTJness. Cousin INTJ, you guys come close, oh so close, to having it all with ENFPs; and for many, it's close enough, and I respect that. But to have it all, you've got to change that T into an F. There's no other way to put it. F is where their souls are.
Quit saying that Odinthor. My gf is an INTJ and I'm in it to win it. I keep seeing your INFJ/ENFP bond awesomeness text and I would be lying if I didn't day dream for a minute. Maybe I'm too F and need that T. :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
826 Posts
If you'd like to get into this circle, it's a waiting game @Imaginary Numb3r. I could give you a few pointers though, but ultimately you've gotta see the path in front of you and gauge how you wanna walk it.

Now these things may be difficult, because to my knowledge it's not your type's cup of tea, but you've gotta initiate with us. If you strive to communicate with us first, as we usually do with everyone, it'll turn our heads. We'll feel special, honored. An introverted, quiet soul reaching out to talk to us? Even low-level things like the weather or abstract thinking like quantum mechanics, if you reach out to us first to communicate, you have our attention.

Another step on the path is meaningful communication, a kind of subcategory to the paragraph above. I have many loose friends/associates I joke around with, or might chat with about what's happening at the current moment, but very, very few that calmly but firmly try to introduce themselves more into my life, and meaningful communication is that method I tell ya. What's on your mind? Ne and Ni may be as far apart as day and night, but they're both levels of light in the atmosphere. Rambling aside, open up to me what pressing thoughts you have on your mind at the moment. I'd definitely be interested (speaking from your ENFPs POV, though keep in mind we're not carbon copies, so she may react differently) in what's racking around in that INTJ mind of yours, as I know it's good. Let me in on it.

Some other things I find that may give you the keys to the inner sphere is if you recall something I've told you in a previous encounter, and continued on it in some different way. For example, if I said I was studying the Pauli Exclusion Principle and you educated me further on the topic, discussed it with me thoroughly to make sure I understood this new information, added to what you've said now with some related info, and finished it off in a big bow with ending with a question, I will fall in love with your mind. An ENTJ I know does this to me daily and it's like...mental foreplay. This may be unique to me, it may not be, but in general, bringing a previous conversation back from the grave and expanding on it with new info will always have my eyes perk up.

The only other thing I notice would be to put yourself out there for me. What I really mean by this is saying "My schedule is clear this weekend, if you'd like to do anything." Now if you've already made your way a distance into my inner garden and you willingly allow me alone time with you, it's a guarantee you're in at that point. A sunny day outside, somewhat light breezy, lots of clouds in the sky, talking it up with someone that matters to me? The only way you could get closer to me would be to actually kiss me at that point.
 

·
Registered
INFJ 6w5 Scorpio
Joined
·
2,223 Posts
Quit saying that Odinthor. My gf is an INTJ and I'm in it to win it. I keep seeing your INFJ/ENFP bond awesomeness text and I would be lying if I didn't day dream for a minute. Maybe I'm too F and need that T. :)
But how will I round up all you ENFPs for me if I let the INTJs feel they have hope?

Strategy, my good man, strategy . . . :crazy:
 

·
Registered
INTJ
Joined
·
449 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
Thank Ghostcolors and@The Producer.
Especially the lengthy reply was quite insightful!

I must say, much of what I read confirmed what I suspected, but it is good to know for sure. However, I still got a couple more questions.

First, what's it with ENFPs and texting? In real life, ENFPs are so energetic and rich of words but when writing messages it feels rather... short? Often, I get barely more than some yes/no statements without much passion behind. It does irritate me somewhat.

Now, with the curent ENFP, we've known each other for a year and did a couple of things in the beginning, then we were busy and I thought she didn't have much interest in spending time.
3 months ago, I came back from abroad and thought to give it another try. We love tea and met up at my place for it (like 6 hours). We also met a couple times in the train (she's a train operator and I can join her in the front) which I think we enjoyed both a lot.

We have some plans for watching some specific movies or going to eat tiramisu, but it's all very vague and she has a very tight schedule until end of november.

Sometimes I think she's into me, the last time we met I did notice her nipples were... visibly hard. (Perhaps I should have kissed her, idk). But then, she doesn't seem to react when I ask about her schedule so I could come visit her at work again (like in the past). Should I just do nothing until november?

It all just messes with the part of my brain that expects consistent behaviour or tries to see a clear logical explanation.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,567 Posts
First, what's it with ENFPs and texting? In real life, ENFPs are so energetic and rich of words but when writing messages it feels rather... short? Often, I get barely more than some yes/no statements without much passion behind. It does irritate me somewhat.
Well you are talking to ENFPs who are willing to write long responses to you so we aren't the best people to ask about short messages. I do find texting itself I don't enjoy using as much as other means of messaging which I will gladly write forever on.

Sometimes I think she's into me, the last time we met I did notice her nipples were... visibly hard. (Perhaps I should have kissed her, idk). But then, she doesn't seem to react when I ask about her schedule so I could come visit her at work again (like in the past). Should I just do nothing until november?
Maybe you should have kissed her but maybe also it's a sperate issue and she doesn't want to meet up whilst she's working. (And maybe kissing her at work is inappropriate? Or at least not the right environment to relax with you) maybe you should ask what her schedule is so you can spend free time with her?

It all just messes with the part of my brain that expects consistent behaviour or tries to see a clear logical explanation.
Maybe it's just a consistent behavior that's foreign to you. I'm sure there's a consistent reasoning behind her actions but you just don't know what that is yet. Something to look forward to discovering?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
705 Posts
I've had ENFP friends for a long time, but the time with them was always limited and it never grew anywhere. Maybe "friend" is not the right word, but first things first.

Every time I met an ENFP (3 so far, all female), we shared a very strong mental connection that I don't have with any other type. A connection of thoughts to the point where one can start a sentence and the other one can end it. You probably know that feeling more than I could describe it. Jumping from one idea to another, analysing life and people, telling funny stories or all of that in one big crazy mix. We were very passionate and often forgot about time and I can tell the ENFPs were enjoying it a great deal (just as I did). Yet, it never went anywhere...

While these shared moments felt great, they are far between and rarely occur. While I get the confirmation that the enjoyment is mutual and such occassions should be repeatet it is hard to actually get something done (call it meeting or date, idc). Usually, the concrete replies are that there is no time or another evasive statement. I get that I am not that important, but it does not make me feel like a full friend, but more as a fun side acquaintance that can be used when a convenient occassion arises.

I would like to break into a closer circle of friends, but that seems out of reach. I see little point in shallow friendships and search for depth. Maybe I am just a naive INTJ who understands people very little. Maybe I don't know you guys well enough and perhaps that is just a thing that I need to accept.

I don't have many friends and really value a meaningful relation to another person. There seems to be a huge amount of potential that is just out of reach. I don't know what to do about it or if I can even change it
Does any of this sound familiar and is there some light that can be shed on the situation? Is what I said not so important after all to an ENFP?

I don't want to give up the possibility that this grows into something more (whatever that may be), but on the other end I am sick of chasing what seem to be lose ends.


I thought about explaining it all in greater detail, but I don't want to write the story of my life here. But I'll happily provide further information.
1) Ask them deeply personal questions about their lives and beliefs but don't put forth judgements or give advice or try to fix anything unless prompted.

2) Share your own deeply personal thoughts with them when prompted.

3) Be consistent in action/thought/speech.

4) BE YOURSELF.

If all this fails, find another ENFP. Cause sometimes I don't get close to people because I know we can never agree on deep issues due to differing beliefs. It's not that I dislike them, I just feel that they'll never be able to fully "get me". And that is what I seek in my "innerest" circle of friends- people who can get the closest to grasping the true sense of my core, my soul.
 

·
Registered
ENFP-A - 2w3 - JEEP
Joined
·
5,689 Posts
1) Ask them deeply personal questions about their lives and beliefs but don't put forth judgements or give advice or try to fix anything unless prompted.

2) Share your own deeply personal thoughts with them when prompted.

3) Be consistent in action/thought/speech.

4) BE YOURSELF.

If all this fails, find another ENFP. Cause sometimes I don't get close to people because I know we can never agree on deep issues due to differing beliefs. It's not that I dislike them, I just feel that they'll never be able to fully "get me". And that is what I seek in my "innerest" circle of friends- people who can get the closest to grasping the true sense of my core, my soul.
Exactly. I'm not sure if it's a Te thing that develops as we grow older but I've noticed as I've aged that I move on very quickly if something is not fitting. I just don't like a pinchy shoe. If it's giving me blisters or it keeps falling off I don't buy it. The same could be said about a relationship. I need comfortable shoes. If someone shows they don't get me, then no skin off my back. I'm polite but they won't be brought into my inner circle. Of course, I can be wrong about an individual and resection them but they have to show they can handle me not just on my best days but my worst. That's the problem with us we can be walking on sunshine about 90% of the week but watch out for the undercurrent.

Anyways to the OP, you'll know your ENFP is opening up to you if they show a darker or quieter side one day be proud in the moment and stick with them. They'll adore you for it. Grasping us at our core people need to understand the duality of Ne's yin and yang.

 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,477 Posts
My brother's an INTJ, so I pretty much know INTJness. Cousin INTJ, you guys come close, oh so close, to having it all with ENFPs; and for many, it's close enough, and I respect that. But to have it all, you've got to change that T into an F. There's no other way to put it. F is where their souls are.
So I have lost 3.... an embarassing 3!!!!! hours of my life writing long essays that got eaten when the computer crashed 3 times in answer to this and to the INTJ/INFJ thread. @odinthor, you know what my vote is anyway. =) @ImaginaryNumb3r... you remind me of the only INTJ I would have considered getting with. I still think of him fondly and wonder how he is. Please do pursue this, I do believe you could have a good life with a ENFP, and probably anyone you choose, really. But I do think you are following something that will be sincerely right and beautiful for you, I know I am presuming a lot here, but I think you at least need to be with an F. An ENFP or INFP or INFJ for you, I'd say. I think you'll find fulfillment and companionship on a level you crave.
So I am going back to the INTJ/INFJ thread and write my essay.... again.... THAT's how much I care! =) @ImaginaryNumb3r let me point you out to some other threads. There are lots of them on INTJs and ENFPs. Maybe read my post after I write it (4th time is the charm?) on the "would you chose INTJ or INFJ thread, it may help. By the way, nipples get hard due to temperature, usually-- they are actually very un-similar to how the penis works (words every man should know). Are we playing with our hair? licking our lips? glancing and/or staring a bit? (Lets see if the other girls give you more ideas.) You'll see those signs as you do what The Producer says and make an effort to invite us to spend time with you, recognize them for what they are-- it means you are making a sexual impression. But many men have left a sexual impression on me that I dismissed immediately. The way to win a ENFP is by reaching her soul and heart like the other girls have said. Okay, off to the other thread...
 
  • Like
Reactions: odinthor
1 - 10 of 10 Posts
Top