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So my gf recently moved and broke up with me for another guy, were still on good terms but she was a true love of mine she was a first for alot of things emotionally and sexually i want to stay friends with her but im not exactly sure how to move on theres a special place in my heart for her and ofc we'l still be friends but i cant stop thinking about her any suggestions ?
 

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To be honest, I think when you still have feelings for her, it's better to distance yourself from her completely and make the process of the break up trough first. I understand you want to keep this person, especially if you didn't want to break up, but to be honest, I don't think it's a good thing, because you actually need to get over her.
It may be hard, but you can think: f*ck you. I'm not your dog. Want another guy, bye. I'm not going to walk behind you're back if you want to dump me. I'm more than that. Switch the self - respect on and the wanting her off for a while. That's what I would do. :)
 

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You don't know how to move on? No no no that's not true. You know how to move on. You know exactly what you need to do. The answers are inside of you The real question is why aren't you doing it? It's over. You two are done. Finished.

I'm not going to sugar coat this. You know why you are still thinking about her? It's because you are still trying to be friends with her. Why do you still want to be friends with her? It will never be same as it used to be. I care about my wife but if we got a divorce today I'd burn the bridge immediately. Why live in the past? I may not know the terms of said "break up" but if yall decided to end it then end it. Life goes on. There are plenty of women out there you can get along with. The thing about the past is that it's behind you for a reason...so you can move forward. Funny thing about people who live in the past is that they stop moving forward trying to recapture what's already gone. Your relationship with her is gone. Get over it. Yeah it might hurt at the moment but that pain is part of being alive. That pain can lead to growth. Go live and continue to grow as a person. You don't need her. Grow into a better person than who you were in the relationship. People change. That's life. So you change. Don't keep her around. Don't go back to her. Outgrow her. Find someone else (if that's you desire) or just go find yourself.

TL;DR Forget her, she's in your past now. Go chase a better future.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAiivE30wF8
 

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Leaving you explicitly for another man is a very painful way to get dumped, calling up instant issues of inadequacy and so on. That's quite a knock to your self esteem. Make sure you self examine HONESTLY after this. Don't be overly hard on yourself. It probably wasn't your fault 100% - these things can happen because two people are not right for eachother - not because they're right for no one.

In terms of being friends, don't even think about it for at least a few weeks. The most important thing after a breakup is to create distance and establish a new routine that doesn't involve the other person. That means no texts, emails, calls, coffee, avoid passing her in the street if you know where she hangs even for a short while. You have to go cold turkey on this person. In the meantime: take up running. cycling, learn klingon, pottery, become a master painter. Find new things to do other than talk to her and think about her. Re-acquaint yourself with the friends who got put on the backburner for her (because naturally your SO comes first in a relationship, but outside of one you can put a lot of other people shared first and it's fun).

After a month, you'll find that you're doing a bit better. Missing people is about expecting them to be there, so you need to create a life where she's not meant to be present.
 

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You don't know how to move on? No no no that's not true. You know how to move on. You know exactly what you need to do. The answers are inside of you The real question is why aren't you doing it? It's over. You two are done. Finished.

I'm not going to sugar coat this. You know why you are still thinking about her? It's because you are still trying to be friends with her. Why do you still want to be friends with her? It will never be same as it used to be. I care about my wife but if we got a divorce today I'd burn the bridge immediately. Why live in the past? I may not know the terms of said "break up" but if yall decided to end it then end it. Life goes on. There are plenty of women out there you can get along with. The thing about the past is that it's behind you for a reason...so you can move forward. Funny thing about people who live in the past is that they stop moving forward trying to recapture what's already gone. Your relationship with her is gone. Get over it. Yeah it might hurt at the moment but that pain is part of being alive. That pain can lead to growth. Go live and continue to grow as a person. You don't need her. Grow into a better person than who you were in the relationship. People change. That's life. So you change. Don't keep her around. Don't go back to her. Outgrow her. Find someone else (if that's you desire) or just go find yourself.

TL;DR Forget her, she's in your past now. Go chase a better future.
Not sure why ENFJs are so obsessed with the past. They are the ones most interested in keeping channels of communication open with people they've left behind, and preserving memories, and wondering if their ex is keeping their memories too. Yet, they keep lecturing others about letting go of the past. As you move ahead in life, you gain new tools and new experiences to understand things better. Maybe someone's own understanding of the past is incomplete? Maybe when the person has a new experience, learns a new way of looking at things, this person can revise their understanding of the past too.
 

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Not sure why ENFJs are so obsessed with the past. They are the ones most interested in keeping channels of communication open with people they've left behind, and preserving memories, and wondering if their ex is keeping their memories too. Yet, they keep lecturing others about letting go of the past. As you move ahead in life, you gain new tools and new experiences to understand things better. Maybe someone's own understanding of the past is incomplete? Maybe when the person has a new experience, learns a new way of looking at things, this person can revise their understanding of the past too.
And you're saying that based on what?

Here's an ENFJ who's exactly the opposite. I'm not going to say more than that, since no matter what I say you choose to not listen.
 

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Not sure why ENFJs are so obsessed with the past. They are the ones most interested in keeping channels of communication open with people they've left behind, and preserving memories, and wondering if their ex is keeping their memories too.
The past is a source of wisdom, and funnily enough, wisdom dictates that negative experiences should not be pulled again from the dark for the sake of reliving negativity. That's Robert's point.

Keeping in touch with people is a very present matter, if you wish to keep somebody in your life, you upkeep the relationship. This is just your perspective on the matter, which is that that is bringing up the past. Also, do people in general not
preserve memories, or do something as oddly specific as wondering about the thoughts of an ex?

I don't mean to pry, but I sense some projecting, here, did you have your own experience with an ENFJ?

Yet, they keep lecturing others about letting go of the past. As you move ahead in life, you gain new tools and new experiences to understand things better. Maybe someone's own understanding of the past is incomplete? Maybe when the person has a new experience, learns a new way of looking at things, this person can revise their understanding of the past too.
I'll go ahead and bold some points from Robert's post that you also hastily ignored.

You don't know how to move on? No no no that's not true. You know how to move on. You know exactly what you need to do. The answers are inside of you The real question is why aren't you doing it? It's over. You two are done. Finished.

I'm not going to sugar coat this. You know why you are still thinking about her? It's because you are still trying to be friends with her. Why do you still want to be friends with her? It will never be same as it used to be. I care about my wife but if we got a divorce today I'd burn the bridge immediately. Why live in the past? I may not know the terms of said "break up" but if yall decided to end it then end it. Life goes on. There are plenty of women out there you can get along with. The thing about the past is that it's behind you for a reason...so you can move forward. Funny thing about people who live in the past is that they stop moving forward trying to recapture what's already gone. Your relationship with her is gone. Get over it. Yeah it might hurt at the moment but that pain is part of being alive. That pain can lead to growth. Go live and continue to grow as a person. You don't need her. Grow into a better person than who you were in the relationship. People change. That's life. So you change. Don't keep her around. Don't go back to her. Outgrow her. Find someone else (if that's you desire) or just go find yourself.
His post in it's entirety does not correlate with your points, which is why I am assuming that you may be projecting. Correct me if I am wrong, or shed some light if you may.

And to make things clear, I understand how several users here are interpreting you, but I am curiously going through patterns in your posts and want to know where you're coming from. I have several INTP friends and if you are anything like them, your arguments can be taken in a negative light in the wrong crowd.
 

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Ok here's a refined response which can shed some insight into the ENFJ mind:

The past is a source of wisdom, and funnily enough, wisdom dictates that negative experiences should not be pulled again from the dark for the sake of reliving negativity. That's Robert's point.

Keeping in touch with people is a very present matter, if you wish to keep somebody in your life, you upkeep the relationship. This is just your perspective on the matter, which is that that is bringing up the past. Also, do people in general not
preserve memories, or do something as oddly specific as wondering about the thoughts of an ex?

I don't mean to pry, but I sense some projecting, here, did you have your own experience with an ENFJ?



I'll go ahead and bold some points from Robert's post that you also hastily ignored.



His post in it's entirety does not correlate with your points, which is why I am assuming that you may be projecting. Correct me if I am wrong, or shed some light if you may.

And to make things clear, I understand how several users here are interpreting you, but I am curiously going through patterns in your posts and want to know where you're coming from. I have several INTP friends and if you are anything like them, your arguments can be taken in a negative light in the wrong crowd.
My arguments are for not the right or wrong crowd and not made with the ultimate goal of being take in a positive or negative light. Opinion of people doesn't affect me as much as it might affect an ENFJ. If someone finds value in what I say they will accept it. If not, thats fine too.
 

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Ok here's a refined response which can shed some insight into the ENFJ mind:



My arguments are for not the right or wrong crowd and not made with the ultimate goal of being take in a positive or negative light. Opinion of people doesn't affect me as much as it might affect an ENFJ. If someone finds value in what I say they will accept it. If not, thats fine too.
That may be your perspective on the subject of your posts, though my point was that even though you mean to be objective, the lack of tact can make it difficult for your readers to truly comprehend what you're trying to say. This sub is particularly sensitive in that regard, I've seen a lot of users ignored entirely or personally shot down due to this.

Excuse the roundabout way of expressing this.
 

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That may be your perspective on the subject of your posts, though my point was that even though you mean to be objective, the lack of tact can make it difficult for your readers to truly comprehend what you're trying to say. This sub is particularly sensitive in that regard, I've seen a lot of users ignored entirely or personally shot down due to this.

Excuse the roundabout way of expressing this.
No I totally understand what you were trying to say at first, but I pointed out the unrelated interesting bits underlying your post.
Trust me, my lack of tact, or complete contempt for tact has cost me much in life ;)

My own experience with an ENFJ is that she was the most lovable and loving person I had ever met in my life. I don't have any grudge or resentment towards this type but I came here to understand if some patterns are consistent, and hopefully contribute too. If they sound harsh, please accept my apologies.
 

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No I totally understand what you were trying to say at first, but I pointed out the unrelated interesting bits underlying your post.
Trust me, my lack of tact, or complete contempt for tact has cost me much in life ;)

My own experience with an ENFJ is that she was the most lovable and loving person I had ever met in my life. I don't have any grudge or resentment towards this type but I came here to understand if some patterns are consistent, and hopefully contribute too. If they sound harsh, please accept my apologies.
Hah fair enough. And it's all good man, you've actually pointed out several patterns of ENFJ behaviour which was actually pretty impressive since most people come here just to drool over us and offer no real intellectual conversation.

ENFJs don't seem to like people prying into their heads, even though they do that quite naturally.
 

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Hah fair enough. And it's all good man, you've actually pointed out several patterns of ENFJ behaviour which was actually pretty impressive since most people come here just to drool over us and offer no real intellectual conversation.

ENFJs don't seem to like people prying into their heads, even though they do that quite naturally.
Well I accept your compliment.

Yes I knew this girl only for a month but I knew her deeply. We talked for hours, I watched her intently. I understand ENFJ behavior patterns mostly because I was interested in her well being, and wanted to get rid of some defense mechanisms she constantly utilized to escape responsibility.

In fact from hurting her several times due to my obsession for logical consistency, I've learnt that maybe sometimes its better to let go of a few things, and be forgiving towards the people who love you. Even if they're imperfect, even if they indulge in a little bit of deception to protect themselves, its fair to give them another chance out of love. I'm still an INTP but my mind has opened up a bit.
 
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