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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I dated this guy, who was my friend first, and we went on 2 dates. On the first date, we had good chemistry and we could find lots to talk about. We laughed a lot and exchanged some playful banter. I texted him, thanking him for the date, and invited him out for the second date a few days later. On the second date though, things kind of... fizzled. I realized that we have a lot of differences (not non-negotiable, but made it harder to find things to talk about). It was kind of awkward on the second date and there were a lot of awkward silences. We had a hard time finding things to do that were fun for both of us (not a lot in common hobby-wise). He never made a "move" on either of these dates (snail male type of guy, quiet) and showed closed-off body language (not sure it was because he was shy or just didn't like me romantically). Also, I am a slow walker, and I asked him nicely to slow down for me a few times, and he did temporarily, but then started to go faster. I felt kind of disrespected (that's the only thing really).


Despite me knowing we aren't compatible, I can't help but be sad. He was a super polite guy and treated me great on our dates and I loved how polite and kind he was. He was a gentlemen and such a nice guy despite all our differences, and he was the first guy I ever dated. I know moving on is for the best, but I can't help but miss his company. Neither of us have reached out to contact each other, so I'm guessing this "thing" is done.

How can I move on and stop thinking about him and the "what-ifs"?

Thank you!
 

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I dated this guy, who was my friend first, and we went on 2 dates. On the first date, we had good chemistry and we could find lots to talk about. We laughed a lot and exchanged some playful banter. I texted him, thanking him for the date, and invited him out for the second date a few days later. On the second date though, things kind of... fizzled. I realized that we have a lot of differences (not non-negotiable, but made it harder to find things to talk about). It was kind of awkward on the second date and there were a lot of awkward silences. We had a hard time finding things to do that were fun for both of us (not a lot in common hobby-wise). He never made a "move" on either of these dates (snail male type of guy, quiet) and showed closed-off body language (not sure it was because he was shy or just didn't like me romantically). Also, I am a slow walker, and I asked him nicely to slow down for me a few times, and he did temporarily, but then started to go faster. I felt kind of disrespected (that's the only thing really).


Despite me knowing we aren't compatible, I can't help but be sad. He was a super polite guy and treated me great on our dates and I loved how polite and kind he was. He was a gentlemen and such a nice guy despite all our differences, and he was the first guy I ever dated. I know moving on is for the best, but I can't help but miss his company. Neither of us have reached out to contact each other, so I'm guessing this "thing" is done.

How can I move on and stop thinking about him and the "what-ifs"?

Thank you!
He is one in a million and not in the he is rare....You will find the right one by not focusing on the wrong one. Good luck!
 

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He is one in a million and not in the he is rare....You will find the right one by not focusing on the wrong one. Good luck!

@5tarrynight I agree with this advice. You can move on and stop thinking about him and the what-ifs by changing your focus. Get busy with a hobby, have fun with friends, work toward a goal. Eventually you will realize that you are not thinking about the what-ifs anymore.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thank you for the advice! :proud: I'm thinking of filling my calendar with social gatherings and starting new projects to forget about him. I want to get so busy that I will stop thinking about him. Is this a good place to start?
 

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Thank you for the advice! :proud: I'm thinking of filling my calendar with social gatherings and starting new projects to forget about him. I want to get so busy that I will stop thinking about him. Is this a good place to start?
I think that's a great place to start.
 

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I don't think you should forget. Mayhaps remember in a constructive way? There may be something to your overthinking? It could signify a crush or a desire to get to know someone better. Yet, if there hasn't been contact, I think it could be best to move on and focus on something else or someone else if they're around. It could motivate you to do something better or improve upon yourself or just find value in a completely different way.

I have been overthinking a lot myself, and it is a scary thing and it costs energy. Overthinking about a person that I like. I am uncertain if she is just being polite or if she actually likes me. I don't know if I am good enough or if I am idealizing too much.
 
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You sound young (sorry if I'm wrong on that impression), so there may be comfort in knowing it'll be easier to handle once you're older. At least, relationships have gotten easier for me after a very bad heartbreak I thought I couldn't ever get over. It took me over 1 year to get over it but I did. Now I look back on it knowing that I don't need someone and can heal from any potential breakup. If you don't want to be friends with him then the best advice I can give is don't talk to him and focus on doing things you like and working on your goals. Before you know it you will have no feelings left and you'll eventually like another person. When you stay in contact with someone, it makes it more difficult to let go.
 

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I don't want to shit on your sadness for this loss, for I myself am not supposed to be missing someone for 12 years. If this means so much to you, give him a message and complete this unfinished business once and for all. Whatever the outcome may be through you confession, will be the ultimatum of whether it's time for you to move on.
 
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