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So I made one of the biggest mistakes ever: I fell in love with one of my best friends. He's an INTJ male and the most incredible guy I know. I didn't do anything about it for a long time because I didn't want to ruin the friendship, but my feelings got too strong for that. So I told him how I felt last night. We had a great conversation about it full of honesty and respect, but he doesn't feel the same way. He said he thought about it months ago when a mutual friend brought the possibility up, but his conclusion was that we wouldn't be good together. That was the hardest thing to hear because I obviously thought very differently. We have an excellent working relationship and a strong friendship. From my perspective, things would be fantastic if we were together. But that doesn't matter anymore.

What does matter is that my friendship with him is at a critical point. We both are very committed to staying friends, but this is going to be in our minds whether we like it or not for a long time. Is there anything that helps you get over someone? I know there's no overnight solution, but anything that will help speed up this process will help save our friendship. I don't want to let go of my love for him, but I know it's what has to happen.
 

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Embrace your inferior Te here. Get to solid impersonal logic and say to yourself, humanity is messy sometimes, but it's natural. Our hearts go where they will, and it doesn't always pan out, period. It's been happening for thousands of years and will continue to happen. So presto chango, back to being friends. And then fake it til you make it with that attitude. It will take hold soon enough and you'll be able to laugh about that time you told him you had feelings for him and he didn't, but how you're both glad you could put it aside because you've had a great friendship ever since.
 

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usually in this situation an INFP would act on emotions and delete him from their contacts.
but still keep his number in case.



INTJ's tbh i don't see how they are good lovers.......they are moderate people happy with moderate things. anyways that's all.
 

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@BelleoftheTARDIS

I think what Tuesdayschild was saying about accepting it as a normal part of being human is important. I want to add that it's not a huge deal. You can be friends while still having an attraction for him, so long as you don't act in a way he finds uncomfortable.

I'm sorry he didn't end up agreeing with your feelings, but it sounds like you're a good friend for respecting those boundaries and also trying to maintain your friendship. There is nothing wrong with feeling attracted. Just that fact that you were close enough with him to be open, and to have him accept that about you is really nice and friendly.
 

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I think @TuesdaysChild has the right of it, sometimes our relationships can get really messy, but it seems from your post theres real affection between you two if not romantic feelings. All you can really do is accept his feelings, difficult as that may be, and move on with your friendship, eventually the pain and any embarrassment will fade and it will all just be a funny story you two laugh about.
 

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Honestly. I have only found two "quick fixes":

1. Villainize them (not preferable for obvious reasons)
2. Find someone new!

Otherwise I think you will need a fair amount of time and distance to get through it.
 

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The only thing that's ever helped me and this will suck to hear... But 'Time', just give it time. It may take longer/shorter than other break-ups, but in the end every relationship ending hurt less until it didn't really hurt at all anymore. Unless of course I focused on really specific things from them, then they still hurt 'a little' even now. I'd recommend staying busy, and giving it time. :/
 

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I'd say be kind to yourself and take some distance for now, if you want to stay friends in the long run. Go a couple of weeks/months (whatever you need) without talking to him. Don't fake it and pretend everything is fine when it's not. Take time and distance, you can still be friends after that. It's been almost a month since you posted this, so I don't know how you are doing, but I'd really like to emphasise to put your own well-being first right now. If you can't imagine him talking about and being with someone else without cringing, you're not ready to resume your friendship, no matter how tempting it may be to have any contact with him at all. You cannot force your feelings to go away, it takes time and self-care and a touch of your Te. Wishing you the best!
 
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