Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 24 Posts

·
Registered
ISFP
Joined
·
1,175 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I was always classified as the uncool nerd all my life and I cannot fathom for the love of me why this keeps happening!

Well, I tend to talk less, I avoid problematic people, I'd like to make big cash when I grow up and be respected so I study as required. That's it. No extra pepper in it.

Being called "nerd" is not that bad...I really couldn't care less, but lately, it's been used every time I try to talk, raise a topic, breathe...and it's being used in a derogatory manner like it's the worst thing to be. It annoys me so much but I don't want to lash out and make people grow any hostility towards me, I already lost many friends, and I wanna do something right this time.

What is to be done?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,779 Posts
I was always classified as the uncool nerd all my life and I cannot fathom for the love of me why this keeps happening!

Well, I tend to talk less, I avoid problematic people, I'd like to make big cash when I grow up and be respected so I study as required. That's it. No extra pepper in it.

Being called "nerd" is not that bad...I really couldn't care less, but lately, it's been used every time I try to talk, raise a topic, breathe...and it's being used in a derogatory manner like it's the worst thing to be. It annoys me so much but I don't want to lash out and make people grow any hostility towards me, I already lost many friends, and I wanna do something right this time.

What is to be done?
I don't know what your interests are, but if they lend towards the abstract (interests such as engineering, mathematics, coding and philosophy come to mind here), you are likely to be stereotyped as "nerdy" in popular culture. This isn't a bad thing.

If you want to make friends, look for people who share these interests. Befriend your classmates if you are a student, and attend conventions and webinars that are related to your interests. Not only will this help you network professionally, it's a good way to get laid as well.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,779 Posts
I was always classified as the uncool nerd all my life and I cannot fathom for the love of me why this keeps happening!

Well, I tend to talk less, I avoid problematic people, I'd like to make big cash when I grow up and be respected so I study as required. That's it. No extra pepper in it.

Being called "nerd" is not that bad...I really couldn't care less, but lately, it's been used every time I try to talk, raise a topic, breathe...and it's being used in a derogatory manner like it's the worst thing to be. It annoys me so much but I don't want to lash out and make people grow any hostility towards me, I already lost many friends, and I wanna do something right this time.

What is to be done?
I don't know what your interests are, but if they lend towards the abstract (interests such as engineering, mathematics, coding and philosophy come to mind here), you are likely to be stereotyped as "nerdy" in popular culture. People obsessed with films, literature and other popular culture are also called "nerds" on occasion, but they are better described as geeks.

Regardless, if you want to make friends, actively seek out people who share your interests. Once the cornavirus outbreak abates, befriend your classmates if you are a student, and attend conventions and webinars that are related to your interests. Not only will this help you network professionally, it's a good way to get laid as well.

If the above doesn't solve your problem, consider adjusting your physical appearance, particularly your hairstyle and choice of clothes. Gothic lolita and other cosplay-esque styles are quite cliquey and only appeal to a small minority of people.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,375 Posts
First of all stop lying to yourself, it does bother you and you do care, whether you should or not is a different story

Also, being called a nerd is just how you act and the vibe you give off it has nothing to do with your interests

I don't know you irl so I can't give proper advice
 

·
Registered
ISFP
Joined
·
1,175 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
Who calls you 'Nerd', are they random people or specific circle or group of friends? If It's the second latter, I suggest moving out of them.
It's a specific group of "friend" circle. I'm actually treated nicer by random strangers. I find it hard cutting off people because I think everyone else is going to be like this, that if I cut them off, I'll be alone again so what's even the point.

It's like deja vu, I keep making the same mistakes and meeting the same type of people who treat me the same and I cannot gather up the courage to move out to socialize with other people again, and be disappointed again. This sucks to be honest, especially that I am still so young, and stupidly enough still can't find a decent person who respects me for me. Thanks for replying. :happy:
 

·
Registered
ISFP
Joined
·
1,175 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
I don't know what your interests are, but if they lend towards the abstract (interests such as engineering, mathematics, coding and philosophy come to mind here), you are likely to be stereotyped as "nerdy" in popular culture. People obsessed with films, literature and other popular culture are also called "nerds" on occasion, but they are better described as geeks.

Regardless, if you want to make friends, actively seek out people who share your interests. Once the cornavirus outbreak abates, befriend your classmates if you are a student, and attend conventions and webinars that are related to your interests. Not only will this help you network professionally, it's a good way to get laid as well.

If the above doesn't solve your problem, consider adjusting your physical appearance, particularly your hairstyle and choice of clothes. Gothic lolita and other cosplay-esque styles are quite cliquey and only appeal to a small minority of people.
Haha no, I'm not gothic lolita-esque IRL. Maybe in a more accepting society, I would be inclined to try it out, but where I'm from...I believe I blend in quite nicely. It's just my behavior, it is most probably not that open. I'm guarded for good reasons. I lose people from my life when I start feeling too much.

Conventions and webinars sound like great ideas. I was about to incorporate that in my routine but then the pandemic came around. I would actively avoid "too smart" people because I thought I was not good enough for them, so I hung out with safe options who are more or less passive, and are not on the same page as me; they are incapable of 'sticking'. I guess I just need to grow a pair and through trial and error find a decent group of people to hang out with once and for all. Thanks for the advice. :happy:
 

·
Registered
ISFP
Joined
·
1,175 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
First of all stop lying to yourself, it does bother you and you do care, whether you should or not is a different story

Also, being called a nerd is just how you act and the vibe you give off it has nothing to do with your interests

I don't know you irl so I can't give proper advice
God, yes, that's a punch to bring be back to this damned reality. It bothers me A LOT. It's not the word, it's just how is it being said that annoys the crap out of me.

What is a "nerd" vibe? That is what I wanna know so that I can dilute it out, and blend in better...?
Anyways, Thanks for the reply. :happy:
 

·
Premium Member
ENFP, 4w5, so/s_ Cosmic
Joined
·
3,421 Posts
It sounds like they're the problem. No descent person would negatively judge you for just being you and not hurting anyone.
I've known and currently know plenty of nerds that are good people and pleasant to be around.
Haters gonna hate, and if ppl hate u then they're not worth being liked by in the slightest.
 

·
Electronica Wizard
Joined
·
6,670 Posts
Maybe, it's not what your interest is, but the notion of what you are in terms of outer appearance that amuses them to mock you. They're already looking down on you for being socially awkward in their eyes. Some people are like that..

Personally I don't see a problem with you being passionate about science, mathematics or coding. I think it's cool. I love it when a friend of mine would randomly throw in some info I wouldn't have normally known for myself during our conversation as long as we keep it casual and fun.. However, no many people are interested and it's ok. You don't have to worry about them.
 

·
Electronica Wizard
Joined
·
6,670 Posts
The thing about charismatic nerds is that they are full of passion and they're never afraid to show it. People tend to notice passionate people by the way they talk that inspires others. If you can't connect with them through your knowledge, you could get them involved through human emotions. People are emotional beings. That's the most basic of human understanding. Even the stoic ones. They do have emotions too. I'm not trying to convince you to manipulate them in a negative way, but to make them understand why you do what you do that is relatable to their lives. It's like a form of story-telling or show and tell to guide them through the process of how you feel or think about certain things of interest.

Don't ever "dilute" your nerdiness. Mould it, shape it and let it evolve.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,762 Posts
I was always classified as the uncool nerd all my life and I cannot fathom for the love of me why this keeps happening!

Well, I tend to talk less, I avoid problematic people, I'd like to make big cash when I grow up and be respected so I study as required. That's it. No extra pepper in it.

I remember “nerd” was a term given to certain kids in high school. Labels for people. Some of them were nerds, others were just cleverfully finding new ways to hurt people (or give silent encouragement to push them forward; reverse psychology)

all the “nerds” ended up somewhere good, because intelligence reigns supreme in any given circumstance.

If you’re an obsessive ”nerd”, they ended up in great places. I knew a nerd made his way to Cambridge as a researcher.


Being called "nerd" is not that bad...I really couldn't care less, but lately, it's been used every time I try to talk, raise a topic, breathe...and it's being used in a derogatory manner like it's the worst thing to be. It annoys me so much but I don't want to lash out and make people grow any hostility towards me, I already lost many friends, and I wanna do something right this time.

What is to be done?
“Nerd” or obsessively talented. I find both synonymous.

Generally, highly intelligent people have sensitivity issues. Immunological problems and sometimes problems with anger. Like Steve Jobs was apparently an angry person. My dad is a professor and he’s the same. It’s cause they see more of a picture, and it becomes difficult to explain it or dumb it down for other people. So intelligent “nerds” become more reactively sensitive.

Friends come back when they see what nerds can accomplish. If you’re intelligent, you may sometimes lose the company of people who don’t have that intelligence or who can’t see what you can see. You do you. You do your thing and let others come and go, like the wind.

When you use the term nerd , I remember high school? If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you now? (Just to gain some clarity into tailoring the advice to your age group)

I used to hang out with populars and nerds, and I can tell you I am more thankful that I associated with nerds. The populars I knew turned out to be such deadbeats and go-nowheres, it was the nerds that truly impressed me.
 

·
Registered
♂️ Xennial - Melancholic/Choleric
Joined
·
3,834 Posts
Good parts of nerd stereotype:
-intelligent
-knows a lot
-loves intellectual challenges

Bad parts:
-no social life
-lack of physical fitness
-lack of fashion sense

So, keep the good parts and overcome the bad. Find good friends, start wearing up-to-date clothes and take up a sport.
 

·
Registered
ISFP
Joined
·
1,175 Posts
Discussion Starter #15
Good parts of nerd stereotype:
-intelligent
-knows a lot
-loves intellectual challenges

Bad parts:
-no social life
-lack of physical fitness
-lack of fashion sense

So, keep the good parts and overcome the bad. Find good friends, start wearing up-to-date clothes and take up a sport.
I don't lack physical fitness, and I believe I dress quite well, people appreciate the way I piece together items.

The only problem seems to be "social life" because I think I could be doing better things, and I haven't met anyone with whom I actually like hanging out. It seems too rude but that's what it is. I have to force most of the encounters because I don't want to dishearten anyone. Thanks for the advice :happy:

Maybe I should start hanging out with people with whom I like spending time, so maintaining a social life won't be as much of a chore, though as a med student it's hard to juggle a good sleep schedule, social life, and academic life. We get to choose only two.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
102 Posts
You know what you dont want. So, grab a notebook, and write down who you DO want to be. From there, work backwards and figure out the steps you have to take.

If you just dont want to be a nerd, what do you want? Why would you jump away from friends AND your passions, just to be different than you are now?

In the end, its who you want to end up being. Find that, and work towards it.

Nothing wrong with being a 'nerd'.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,415 Posts
I was always classified as the uncool nerd all my life and I cannot fathom for the love of me why this keeps happening!

Well, I tend to talk less, I avoid problematic people, I'd like to make big cash when I grow up and be respected so I study as required. That's it. No extra pepper in it.

Being called "nerd" is not that bad...I really couldn't care less, but lately, it's been used every time I try to talk, raise a topic, breathe...and it's being used in a derogatory manner like it's the worst thing to be. It annoys me so much but I don't want to lash out and make people grow any hostility towards me, I already lost many friends, and I wanna do something right this time.

What is to be done?
You seem like a pretty cool person from the handful of online interactions we've had, so it might be best to find some new friends who appreciate you for who you are.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,248 Posts
FWIW my first thought on seeing the thread title was but why would you want to? When I think "nerd" I usually think intelligent, interesting, funny, maybe a little awkward in a likeable way, definitely attractive. But I understand upon reading your OP.

WarmMachines said:
I find it hard cutting off people because I think everyone else is going to be like this
Nah. They're just being shitty friends. I empathize though. When you're busy with life sometimes finding new friends feels like an insurmountable task.

Though

that doesn't necessarily mean your current friends aren't redeemable, especially on an individual basis. Do you think there is anyone in particular within the group you might trust to try talking to them separately about your concerns? Especially right now when group gatherings aren't happening, it might be a good time to be able to chat individually.

Maybe I should start hanging out with people with whom I like spending time, so maintaining a social life won't be as much of a chore, though as a med student it's hard to juggle a good sleep schedule, social life, and academic life. We get to choose only two.
Aw haha my dad is a doc and he's made this joke before. He was into music and I'm pretty sure he chose to sacrifice sleep more often than not. He also ended up selling his beloved guitar to have money to move for residency. There was a period of time he thought he might drop out because it was so demanding, and he missed non-med life. He actually made some good friends during med school and residency, though - actually quite a few of them were neighbors, I think. One of the docs he was friends with in residency has been a family friend for years and now me and their daughter are friends too, which is pretty cool.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
517 Posts
Keep the “you” and drop the “friends” and find those who accept and like you for who you are. Please don’t try to be someone you’re not, no one, including you, will be happy about it.
 
1 - 20 of 24 Posts
Top