Personality Cafe banner

1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
39 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hello you wonderful ENFPs :happy:

I'm an INFJ(HSP), and my younger sister is an ENFP. I would love to know what you guys feel is the way you prefer/want to be treated when you are going through something and being extremely emotional. When my sister is going through something I tend to try and breakdown the situation and get logical about it to make things less overwhelming. this approach tends to makes my sister think I'm just over-simplifying things and I don't get it. Being logical, in a way, makes me feel that I'm being mean (unintentionally), and I'm not providing the right type of support or comfort. It gets worse when it is a situation where I feel helpless and I can't do much more than be a listener and a comforter.

I've read many things online but I believe that it is best to hear what you think, coming from your real experiences and feelings. It would help me greatly to know and understand how I can be a better supporter.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
930 Posts
Hello you wonderful ENFPs :happy:

I'm an INFJ(HSP), and my younger sister is an ENFP. I would love to know what you guys feel is the way you prefer/want to be treated when you are going through something and being extremely emotional. When my sister is going through something I tend to try and breakdown the situation and get logical about it to make things less overwhelming. this approach tends to makes my sister think I'm just over-simplifying things and I don't get it. Being logical, in a way, makes me feel that I'm being mean (unintentionally), and I'm not providing the right type of support or comfort. It gets worse when it is a situation where I feel helpless and I can't do much more than be a listener and a comforter.

I've read many things online but I believe that it is best to hear what you think, coming from your real experiences and feelings. It would help me greatly to know and understand how I can be a better supporter.
Personally, I don't mind the logical approach but ONLY after I've been comforted :p If you leapt straight into trying to pick the situation apart with logic without giving me an ice cream and a hug so to speak, I think I'd be a bit annoyed.

Try and tell your sister you're there for her and let her vent if she needs to. Then try and do something fun with her, and then after try and reason through the problem and try and find a solution. This would work on me, anyway :p good luck, I know how annoying it is trying to cheer up siblings when they see things differently.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
957 Posts
Snuggle us.

Seriously though, the way to go is to tickle Ne. Broaden perspective, place things out of their contexts, crack jokes (not insensitive ones, the ones that point subtly at the irresistibly funny irony of human fate), make her stare at the possibilities that lie ahead, get her to talk about something that fascinates her, a project she can dive into. Anything that opens the idea floodgate.

Though don't do this systematically, it is ok to just let yourself feel pain sometimes ;-)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
39 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
Thank you for your input @rawrmosher :) I will need to tone down the jump into it approach then, I believe it annoys her too. I'll definitely try your way, hopefully it works with her too ^_^ It really isn't easy cheering siblings up, especially with being older, its so easy to unintentionally switch to parent-mode rather than friend-mode. Thanks again :D


@Hurricane lol that is usually my first approach. When it comes to my siblings, I'm like Oprah when it comes to hugs and snuggles :p

Thank you for the ideas.. I'll do my best to remember this next time a situation comes up, it will be hard, but if it works for her, it will be awesome.



 

·
Registered
Joined
·
158 Posts
Give us HUGS!!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,800 Posts
Appreciate us by showing and telling us. Give us space, we're practically introverts. Loves us unconditionally, forgives us when we are forgetful or spaced out, respect our quirks, listen to our ideas, make us laugh a lot, be goofy, teach us without judging us, surprise us with little things, spend time with us, give us room to move around, let us explore and go on adventures , RUB OUR BELLIES, hug us.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Ahiko

·
Registered
Joined
·
825 Posts
I feel happiest when I'm accepted for who I am - all the good and the bad and the random. If I'm in a time where I need comfort, I like to reach out to people who listen to my story first and then provide their feedback. Feedback that expands my view on things and helps me see other perspectives that I may have missed are really appreciated. If I have great respect for a person and they give me some constructive criticism (even if it may offend me a little), I will be more willing to accept it rather than from a person who quickly judges and rationalizes my thoughts.

Adding some sincere praise goes a long way. Don't overdo it though because it can easily be picked up if it's forced. When you praise us for something we're good at or doing right, it reminds us that we're doing something right amidst all the other thoughts that are floating around in our head. Otherwise, we may just think that everything we're thinking or doing is wrong.. which makes our mood worse if our thoughts are judged or rationalized too quickly. Warm us up a bit and we'll be more willing to hear things that may be a hit at our character.

I feel the least happiest when I feel my character is being judged or not accepted. If I'm in an environment where my personality, intellect and passions aren't accepted or they're criticized, I feel very, very outcast and unwanted. It makes me really unhappy and angry.

Also, you may want to look into ENFP's shadow type. We take on some qualities of ISTJs when we're not in our healthiest state.

Hope this helps!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9 Posts
Personally, I believe a logic-based approach could work if I'm not TOO emotional. If I'm feeling overwhelmed I might start calming down at a steady rate if I'm just hugged and cuddled and whatnot, and if I feel I'm genuinely being loved and cared about. Maybe even instantly sometimes.

A heads up, though, I'm not sure if I can speak for all ENFPs but if you're going to try and use logic when I'm feeling overwhelmingly emotional and/or angry you're just going to end up making me feel worse, as much as I understand your approach at the time, I eventually just won't feel in the mood to recognize your reasoning. :s
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
Top