[Angelus]

I have an INFP friend (I'm sure of her type, she also tested as one) whom to me, seems to be very wounded at the core. My feelings for her change depending on the circumstances. She can be a real burden sometimes...I feel awful for saying that though, but it's simply true. But I know I can be too when I'm lonely or sad. So I really feel like I should help her!

So to summarize:
- She seems lonely. She compensates this by going out with people she doesn't like and sleeping with guys she doesn't know. Then later on she feels self hate for it.
- I think she feels misunderstood too. She has lately decided it's her calling to become an energy therapist so she's quitting university and no one really supports her with that path.
- She drinks and parties a lot, and does things she regrets.
- She can turn super emotional all of a sudden and start crying.
- Her parents are divorced. Her dad cheated on her mom, so she resents all men. Her mom is depressed so she feels like she needs help but at the same time resents her bad parenting.

Any ideas on how to cheer her up? I guess there are some obvious ones...But thing is that we haven't really been as close recently as we used to be. I don't want to be awkward like that. Something you INFPs would really appreciate?

 

[illicit iridescence]

But thing is that we haven't really been as close recently as we used to be. I don't want to be awkward like that. Something you INFPs would really appreciate?

I have this one friendship in which we stopped having contact for a year or two. Not like we had any beef, circumstances just led us to go our separate ways. But we've picked up on communicating again about a year ago, and we hang out every now and then. It's really nice to have a friend, with whom nothing changes, even if everything changes.

One of the first things to consider is how you can get that close again. I'm sure she'll appreciate it if your attempt isn't too forced or unnatural. Well, if it truly is the case that you've drifted apart from each other. For me and my friend, we only drifted apart in time and place, not in spirit. So yah, I think that is a good place to start, you may have drifted away from each other in some form.

Perhaps something also happened to her during this time of drifting apart. She may not feel like having contact with you for reasons unknown.

One of my previous roommates has made attempts to get social with me, which I'm lately not much in the mood for. I suppose he considers me a good friend, more than I consider him that way. It is a skewered friendship of sorts, and I just don't feel like picking up the phone when he calls, or text him back when he texts me. It is nice being thought of, but yah. :S

So while there is a good possibility your INFP friend will appreciate you trying to pick up 'where you left off', she may have reasons unknown to you that makes her want to be lonely or something.

I'd say go ahead and try. Gently. ^^

 

[Angelus]

@eyenexepee
Well, I know she wants to be friends! In fact, last time we saw each other she said some great things about me...How I'm a deeper person than most are, and how she appreciates it a lot. But to be honest...I've turned her down a few times now when she asked to meet me. The honest reason was that I couldn't (during to some circumstances), so I told her she should come by another day. But that other day just never came; neither of us contacted each other about it. Now I feel sort of bad about it. She has also asked me to go out clubbing with her a few times, which is really strange and a sign of loneliness in my eyes, caus she has NEVER partied with me and she knows I'm not a party person. So I turned those invites down as well... To be honest it's felt like I'm a rebound friend for her. Like she'll come to me once she feels lonely enough, but would rather spend time with other friends.

Now I'm feeling like I should ask her over and also tell her something that would make her feel remarkably better.

 

[illicit iridescence]

Well, I know she wants to be friends!
[...]
Now I'm feeling like I should ask her over and also tell her something that would make her feel remarkably better.

What's keeping you from doing so? ^^

If you are what you say you feel like, a rebound friend, well don't worry. I've only read two posts of yours but I got this feeling you've got it in you to be more than just a rebound friend. :3

It may take you out of your comfort zone, but why not go clubbing with her once? Perhaps that's her way of inviting you to a part of her life that she hasn't shown you yet.

 

[Stable Genius]

I'm glad to know I'm not the only INFP who's down with clubbing and partying.

But to answer your question, maybe the best thing to do is just to listen to her, and try to sincerely understand where she's coming from. You said she feels misunderstood and lonely, and if that's the case maybe that would be the best thing for her. You probably can't change her views on men, and sleepign around and partying and whatnot, but you can at least sympathize with what led her to do those things.

Wounded people can be a burden, I hear that, but I also know the flip side of the coin as well. I think the thing is to not let her down, and just be there for her, listen to her and really try to relate to her. It sounds like enough people have let her down in life allready, and nothing hurts worse then being let down by a friend.

Goodluck to you and your friend, I sincerely hope she'll get better, and I have no doubt in my mind that you can be of some help to her.

 

[perfectcircle]

You can't take away her problems but you can give her a good thing in her life, your friendship. Just try to sincere and caring.

 

[The Healer of Souls]

Why not invite her to come and join us here on PerC? It's a great way to, as it says, discover yourself! Maybe she hasn't discovered herself? You never know... Some of us are kinda lonely here and have problems too...

And tell her that she's special and there are people who care for her (like us) and she doesn't need to do that, she's a lost angel that just needs understanding... I'm lost too by the way...

Here's a hug for her ^_^