I know INFJ's easily get drained by people. What are some tips to non-INFJ types that would keep them from being a drainer? If someone takes an interest in you, what can they do to show that interest and yet not suck all the energy out of you?
What could an S change that could make that different for you? Any specific examples?Other N's.
S's will suck the life out of me faster than most.
TWitch
Think ahead, be more aware of the consequences, think things through, I'm tired of saving their hides.What could an S change that could make that different for you? Any specific examples?
Be yourself, because if I want to build a friendship with you it won't be because you're acting uncomfortable from holding back parts of your personality. Getting that vibe from you would drain me.If someone takes an interest in you, what can they do to show that interest and yet not suck all the energy out of you?
1. This is a good general guideline and not so much type specific I think.-- not have (social) expectations that make an INFJ feel obligated to go along/do something they may not want to do
-- not exacerbate their inferior Se by not exposing them to too much external stimuli (like a group of high-energy, chatty people).
-- be straight-forward but considerate in what you mean, so there's no mixed-signals that Ni could get confused about and injury to Fe is less.
INFJs, what do you think?
I agree with you on the point about shutting down Ni. I think inferior Se could manifest in a number of ways, though. Both in the "That's just the way it is" way you mentioned, and the external stimuli way. I would think that too much external stimuli would make it difficult for Ni to properly find meaning also.2. Actually, this may not be too huge of a problem. The thing about dominant Ni, inferior Se is that it's actually drowning out that crap—Ni is usually said to be "exclusive" as opposed to Ne's inclusive, exploratory mindset (to a certain extent I believe this is probably true of Si and Se). The things you think are bothering the Ni dom may in fact be going completely over her head. The way Se explosions manifest tend to be when this tendency is brought into the light and openly attacked.
In this sense, it's not so much dealing with fact that is offensive to Ni, because each individual is ultimately oriented somewhat by concrete data. It's when the Ni user is not allowed to apply meaning or interpret anything on an abstract level that you will notice problems surfacing. Key point at least for me personally: Don't ever shut me down with "That's just the way it is and there's no use thinking about these things [in alternative ways]."
That's not true. INFJ's DO take in concrete data through Se... how else do you think they get it? They make external value judgements on Fe. Fe is not an information gatherer. We primarily take data in through Ni itself, and it's usually correct. But sometimes a bit off, hence the inferior Se. N-S are on the same "scale" of psychological preferences. They both get information. F/T makes decisions based on that information.I agree with you on the point about shutting down Ni. I think inferior Se could manifest in a number of ways, though. Both in the "That's just the way it is" way you mentioned, and the external stimuli way. I would think that too much external stimuli would make it difficult for Ni to properly find meaning also.
Another thought: INFJs take in external concrete data through Fe, not through Se (as with ISPs). Ni-Fe finds meaning for social harmony/self-expression. Se, combined with tert-Ti, creates a detached analysis for what simply is in a present moment, which is degenerating since it is the opposite of Ni-Fe.
I am certainly no expert on INFJs, but I would think that for other types to not drain out an INFJ, they would have to:
-- not have (social) expectations that make an INFJ feel obligated to go along/do something they may not want to do
-- not exacerbate their inferior Se by not exposing them to too much external stimuli (like a group of high-energy, chatty people).
-- be straight-forward but considerate in what you mean, so there's no mixed-signals that Ni could get confused about and injury to Fe is less.
INFJs, what do you think?
Can you give me an example of this?That's not true. INFJ's DO take in concrete data through Se... how else do you think they get it? They make external value judgements on Fe. Fe is not an information gatherer. We primarily take data in through Ni itself, and it's usually correct. But sometimes a bit off, hence the inferior Se.
Thanks for the correction -- there's a reason why I shouldn't be writing forum posts at 3am!N-S are on the same "scale" of psychological preferences. They both get information. F/T makes decisions based on that information.
Agreed. I apologize if I made it seem like INFJs only used four functions. As to my analysis -- I'm not sure I am able to articulate coherently my thoughts yet (and they're only thoughts, not theory). I agree I messed up with the Fe-information-gathering thing, but that wasn't the point what I was trying to say... I will think about it more first. (it would also be tangential to this forum thread anyways).Actually, I don't think that is how your analysis works at all, INFJ, like all other types use all 8 functions, some are just used more than others.
This. I have an ISFP friend I've known for years and the mental comfort the friendship brings me is like a Hästens boxpring with an eiderdown duvet. I mean, I never feel like I have to do something. The only thing less draining than being with her would be actually lying in bed. Of course, I still tell witty stories and everything like friends do, but it's not like it's a demand. No pressure.I get easily drained around a person for one of three reasons:
1. They are needy, emotionally unbalanced, and insist on using me as a free therapist; or
2. I don't know them well enough to be comfortable around them yet, and I'm feeling anxious because I'm trying to think of things to say; or
3. I have largely negative interactions with that person.
With the people I'm closest to, I have a bit more stamina - I can spend a lot more time with them before I need to go off and recharge. And when I do need that, I just tell them that. Most of my friends are introverted, so they get it and don't take it personally. With some of my extrovert friends, I actually have to explain why I feel this way because it confuses them, and I don't want them to think I'm "tired of them."
I can't speak for other INFJs, but I don't get drained from people who simply let me be myself. It doesn't matter if they're S or N types at all (I suspect my brother is ISTJ and he's one of the best people I know), and S types in general can have a "grounding" effect on me that gets me out if my own head for awhile, which, sometimes, I desperately need.
Is this true with a SO as well?Well thats hard because to be honest mostly everyone drains me eventually. I don't know if other infjs agree but personally I think istjs definitely don't drain me as much as a lot of other types. To not drain us just try to give us some space for a little while. Normally we enjoy being around people for periods of time but then we begin to feel drained. One thing that stops me from being drained is having a meaningful discussion with someone or sometimes planning something can help.
I realize this question was not directed at me but I couldn't resist:"That's not true. INFJ's DO take in concrete data through Se... how else do you think they get it? They make external value judgements on Fe. Fe is not an information gatherer. We primarily take data in through Ni itself, and it's usually correct. But sometimes a bit off, hence the inferior Se."
Can you give me an example of this?
I just wanted to address the idea that we all have 8 functions. I believe having 4 functions is enough to explain everything. The functions don't act on their own when we think, they are working together constantly. The simplest explanation is to say that we use 4 functions and that at certain times the way the cooperate seems like we use the other functions. Ni and Se together could look like Si or Ne depending on the circumstances. Just something to think about.Actually, I don't think that is how your analysis works at all, INFJ, like all other types use all 8 functions, some are just used more than others.