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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
It should be easy. I mean, life. Everybody is talking about it:

"Follow your bliss.
Just do what you like.
Chase your dreams.
Do what you love.
Be happy."

It should be easy, shouldnt it? I mean, i could make it this way. Only problem is - I dont have any idea what i like, what is my "bliss," what is my dream or what the hell i want to do.

I dont dream about sucess. I dont dream about shop with cakes. I dont dream about teaching. I dont dream about travelling. I dont dream about nothing. Or at least for long time.

I have some things i like, obviously. But nothing that i could do.

Sometimes i think i would like to write a book. Or book of poetry.
But everything i was ever able to do was few very bad poems. I dont have urge to write or skills to do it.

I hoped that i could be usefull and happy doing social work.
I end up totally exhausted, not fullfilling my duties, thinking about getting fired before I kill myself or die from exhaustion or anybody find out how much work i wasnt doing. Its paralizing me recently.

I would like to be in love, but i never ever was in love. I am unable to love, propably. And nobody loves me.

Soooooo. What to do?

I actually think it would be easy for me to follow my dreams. But I dont have any.

Future scares me.
I will have to start doing everything different or i will be dead soon.

But which way to go, if I dont know?

--------------------------------------------

What about you?

Do you know, what you want?

Did you have some time in your life, in which you didnt know your path and than find out? How?

How to find out what to do? What I want to do?

How to dream when you dont dream?

How to find the way?

How to be happy in my life?


Thank you for every advice or story. Hope you are feeling better than me.
 

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Ah, I don't have the means to answer to your question. But I offer one small piece of advice.

One can only find out what he seeks after he searches for it. If you don't know what you're looking for in life, maybe it's time to start to look for anything, and maybe you'll find your thing. In my life, I learned that you have to try and make some mistakes before you can finally know yourself. I had to make some choices, and these choices defined who I am and what I want to be.

Maybe you should try it.
 

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Be as natural as possible, then the superficiality we paint upon the world will wash away with the clearness that is the rain.

Are you curious on something? By all means, explore it, research it.
Do you wish to speak your mind? Crush the fear of looking a certain way, and speak it out loudly.
Are you attracted to someone? Then say so, and show her/him that.
Be honest and people will be honest with you.
Sleep and eat when you feel like it.

'What' one must do is always present, but we fool ourselves thinking there must be more to life or we are too afraid to actually do something about it. We make up goals and dreams cause we think they will fullfill us, but they serve no purpose if we can't even embrace the moment we live in and be content with that.

It is just as @Herp said; if you believe to have lost something, the natural thing to do is to 'search' for it, in other words by doing and experiencing the world's wonders around us.

As long as one is natural and listens to what the body and mind say to you, everything will fall into place sooner or later.
 

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Finding your niche in the world...

What about you? Do you know what you want?

I'm a baby boomer, with children and grandchildren. I want happiness for myself and my husband of almost 40 years; to have wonderful and peaceful relationships with all my family members and friends--as much as is possible, that is; to be a blessing to someone every day; and last but most certainly not least, to please the Lord with my life.


Did you have some time in your life, in which you didnt know your path and than find out?


I probably didn't know the path of my greatest joy until recently! It's like I started out on an 8 lane interstate and have gradually narrowed it down to a pathway winding up a steep mountain. My search went from not having any idea what kind of books I liked (at age 10)--to finally finding a few I enjoyed (at age 12)--to eventually discover I LOVED self-help books (in my 20's and 30's)--ending with inspirational books from my 40's through the current time.

How?

All learning came from trial and error, from being willing to reach out and try something new and different. The people God brought into my life brought their interests into my life, also, further broadening my horizons. Interestingly, my adult son has been extremely influential in this regard.


How to find out what to do?

My course in high school included some things way back when that are now available in college. Among those things, I learned typing and shorthand, which helped me all the way through life (in taking notes), as I am very forgetful and always have been.

Computers weren't even around when I was in high school, and I absolutely hated them when my boys first started playing Mario Bros. on their first home computer (in elementary school).

My education prepared me to work places that now require college education. To work in various offices, an excellent knowledge of computers was required. (Thank God for that!) My professional days gave me a better understanding of the world of work. Now I LOVE using the computer, with all of its many gifts!

I love inspirational stuff, and my favorite task ever was typing inspirational documents in my final job before stepping back into homemaking, which I have always loved.

Because of my husband's career, we traveled a LOT!

I used to love to write and submitted quite a few stories to Chicken Soup for the Soul. Although friends and family loved them, I never sold any.


How to find the way?

Find where your passion lies. That's what you can spend hours doing, and forget to eat. Sometimes, you don't even want to go to bed. You'd rather be doing that thing you are passionate about. (This does not count eating, sleeping, and playing video games.)

Within that passion, lies your path. Use it to serve God and humankind. That is your calling, and each of us has one.

Ask God to send you just the right life-partner, and then be patient. Ask him daily for wisdom and guidance.

While I once loved to write inspirational non-fiction stories, now I just enjoy encouraging people. I've been reading to encourage myself for about 40 years, so I suppose I do an okay job of it.

How to be happy in my life?

When you, by using your God-given talents and gifts, are making other people happy, or making the world a better place (because many people are determined they will never be happy), the byproduct will be your own happiness.

My Dad used to say, "You can never build happiness off someone elses misery."

If we care to please God, then anything does not go. There are rules to live by, which can be summed up by the golden rule. Treat others as you would wish to be treated. Be kind, willing to forgive, and always do your best. The Bible says, "If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men." Romans 12:18

Find friends with healthy productive interests. Getting involved with a Christian youth group is a great way to go.

Lastly, find a great mentor!
 

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Nobody loves you because you do not love yourself. How do you expect to share with others an aspect you do not have towards yourself?

Love yourself. Whatever that even means. You'll slowly see what the message means.
 

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@JoCZker

Do you know, what you want?
Yes.
Did you have some time in your life, in which you didnt know your path and than find out? How?
Yes.
How to find out what to do? What I want to do?
You have the answer. Don't ask other people something you already know. Just because you aren't aware doesn't mean that it is not there.
How to dream when you dont dream?
Dreaming is only appropriate once my head hits my pillow.
How to find the way?
Depends on which way you want to go.
How to be happy in my life?
Introspection helps. Come to an understanding of what you need, and want, have a clear path, and sense of direction. Be made aware of what you own, who you are, and what you are. Accept what are you good at and what your setbacks are. Be open to improvement. Do what makes you feel at ease.


And most importantly, stop feeling sorry for yourself.
 

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Sounds like you are in a rut. I can relate. I have felt this way so many times, perhaps even feel it now. They tell you to dream but they don't tell you your dreams aren't going to make you enough money to get by. I'll attempt to answer your questions.

Do you know, what you want?
I have only ever known for sure that I wanted to be a mother. I am on my way to become one right now. I feel happy about this even though I know it's going to be a huge change. I also feel frustrated because my dream of being a mother is not something I can achieve on my own. If if were up to me, I would never work a job and I would just stay home with the kid(s). But you gotta have money to do that. And in order to get money I either have to keep a job or be partnered with someone who makes enough money for the whole family to survive. If I have a job, then what do I do with my kid? I would like for my husband to be the breadwinner, I want that so bad. But you can't control other people. I married someone who doesn't have high ambitions, much like myself. He makes less money than I do. He doesn't have a career. And he doesn't really care. It's tough having to rely on someone else to fulfill your dreams. Makes you feel stuck and resentful. So yes, I know what I want. But I can't have it. No amount of "working for it" is going to help either. Not unless I win the lottery... or marry someone else. Neither of which are going to happen.

Did you have some time in your life, in which you didnt know your path and than find out? How?
I guess it's the opposite. I used to want to be a research psychologist as a profession. I thought that was what I was going to do, no question. I went and got my degree and figured I was on my way.... but things went all wrong. Due to unforeseen circumstances I had to take a two year break from school and work at a pizza place (long story). Then when it was finally time for me to apply to grad school I realized I had zero chance of getting in and that I needed better everything. Better grades, more experience, more this and more that. So I gave up. I stopped caring. I settled. I got my shitty retail job back from when I was in school and never looked back. 32 years old and I'm still doing the same shit I was doing when I was 18. So I guess you could say that NOW is the time I do not know my path in life. I'm having a kid in Sept but we don't know where we're gonna live, we don't know what's gonna happen with our money and jobs, we don't know who will take care of the kid during the day, it's all uncertain. And how will I find out my path? When it happens, I guess. When stuff falls into place. Fate. I have given up control to fate. Sad but true.

How to find out what to do? What I want to do?
I don't know. What are you good at? Sometimes people can switch their focus during the day to perform their job and then come home and be really who they are and who they want to be. That's like how I am. My job makes money. The end. I enjoy it sometimes and other times I can't wait to leave. But you gotta have money, bottom line. I would say, find something tolerable if you can't find something ideal. Maybe the monotony of the tolerable will motivate you to find something better later. Also, volunteering is a great way to make connections and figure out what you want to do while making money doing something else. I volunteer every week at a crisis line. Been doing it 6 years now. It is WAYYY more rewarding than my paying job. I love it. So, you can find rewards in something other than your means to make money. After hours.

How to dream when you dont dream?
Good question. I don't know. At one time, I was looking for a career change but I had no idea what was out there. Instead of walking around and handing out resumes, I picked up a couple books. One of them was the book "Working" by Studs Terkel. It's kinda dated, but it helped me feel more proud of my job. Also, gave me ideas about what jobs were out there. They've made a new book like Working called Gig. I forget the author. It's more recent and has recent jobs in it. You should check it out. Maybe you will read about someone's job and go - wow, that sounds like fun! It's worth a shot. Plus, it's pretty fun to read. It's just narratives/interviews with people all over the country about their jobs and what they think of them. All kinds of jobs. Everything. It's fun.

How to find the way?

How to be happy in my life?

I don't know. I wish I did. Some people need a change of scenery, some people just need a new friendship, something to inspire them. What inspires you?
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Wow. :) Thank you all, for recent answers. Its nice suprise. I am feeling very frustrated lately. Its mainly because my recent job. So, its understandable, i quess, to think about some changes. Especially since i can be without job in few days. But when you dont know, what you want, its quite hard. I am 27 now, bachelor degree, living in not the best country.

And no wonder, I have troubles at work. I should be doing some stuff to work, save what i can . . . But i am rather here and reading your responses. But I am just to tired. My work is very hard, you need huge stress tollerance and be able to work under pressure, which i am not. So i am postponning mostly everything, and than i dont have nothing done. . . . So I am feeling guilty, but also stucked.

I am very glad for every answer, even if its mostly nothing i wouldnt think of. I am in this state of mind for very long time. Thats why i was trying to find some other opinions. And you are such a sweet bunch. :)

And even scientists are here. :) I hope you understand us better by now, Lightened. ;)

About me:
I always wanted to be usefull to somebody else than me. But it seems, that I am not good at it. At least at my current job. Of course its related even to my own state of mind and my own current troubles. But I just feel huge urge to help. And yes, it could be just escaping from helping myself, I am pretty educated when it comes to psychology. :) Thats why I even think sometimes about becoming conselour. But than again, it takes time and money and most of all - If I am not able to live with myself and suck at my current job, how could I help somebody else?

I read a lot also. Sometimes I think I could like to sell books or something like that. But its probably more boring than it look.

And of course, like almost every INFP i would love to be professional writer, just with little problem - i cant write. :) And I dont have urge to learn how to. So, its not very likely.

And yes, you must love yourself before somebody else can love you. If only I have some switch to press, to love myself. But its never that easy. Its long run for me.

Thank you all, for responses. I will think about it, maybe it strikes me somehow. I would be gracefull for some sudden brilliant idea, but brilliant ideas seems to avoid me lately. :)

Well, what can I do.

Take care people, I thank you a lot and I hope you will also feel better, when you are in similar situation as I am.
 

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Ah, I don't have the means to answer to your question. But I offer one small piece of advice.

One can only find out what he seeks after he searches for it. If you don't know what you're looking for in life, maybe it's time to start to look for anything, and maybe you'll find your thing. In my life, I learned that you have to try and make some mistakes before you can finally know yourself. I had to make some choices, and these choices defined who I am and what I want to be.

Maybe you should try it.
I want to thank you. This made my day whole much better.
 

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Nobody loves you because you do not love yourself. How do you expect to share with others an aspect you do not have towards yourself?

Love yourself. Whatever that even means. You'll slowly see what the message means.
A great book for people with low self-esteem is Wayne Dyer's, Your Sacred Self. Don't expect to just read it and set it aside, though. Make plenty of notes; and go over them daily.

We are all diamonds in the rough. Children who grew up cherished by their parents already know this. They had their blessing.

Yet, an unimaginable blessing awaits those who didn't grow up so cherished. "Where lies your greatest pain, lies also your greatest treasure."
 

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Do you know, what you want?
In the long term, not really. In the short term (1-4 years) have 6 things that I want. Wants are based and values and beliefs. Since values and beliefs change with life experiences, wants change. So wanting stuff doesn't seem that useful to me.


Did you have some time in your life, in which you didn't know your path and than find out? How?
I spent ages 19-27 or so not knowing what career I wanted. So I just worked at a movie theater and then did administrative temping to pay the bills. But I knew at the time, that I wanted to have fun. So I made enough to pay my bills and have fun. Then I met my wife and married her when I was 26. That was about the time, I figured that working low paying jobs wasn't going to cover the cost of traveling and other things I wanted to do. I kind of fell into web design and development. I originally learned it to create a site for myself but I liked enough to teach myself how to do it professionally. I've never loved design or development because I've never really loved working. I do it because it gets me closer to the things that I do love.



How to find out what to do? What I want to do?
I don't consider my computers my purpose for working. Everyone has to have a reason to work. Some people want to be fulfilled with work so if they don't find some career that fulfills them then the job sucks. I've always had one single purpose to working for as long as I remember. The purpose of work for me is to find a way to stop working as soon as possible. So it doesn't really matter what job I have as long as it's helping me fulfill that purpose. I'm really passionate about not having to work anymore.

Whatever your reason for working will come to you. Figure out how to make your life easier so you have breathing room. Simplify your life and get of distractions so you can figure out what's really important. We tend to be social and do activities in order to distract us from day-to-day living. It's hard to figure out how to live your life if you're constantly trying to distract yourself.


How to dream when you don't dream?
I don't really dream. It's all about now because I might be hit by a bus tomorrow. So my question every day is, what can I do today to make living this day worthwhile?


How to be happy in my life?
I find happiness is internal and not external (ie something external has to happen, girl has to like me, finding a good job, winning the lottery). I also think that happiness is proportional to the amount of control you feel you have in getting what you want. So if they things you want seem unattainable, it hurts less to not want it then really want something that you have no clue how to get.

Happiness for me involves two things:

1. Gratitude - this is what I'm grateful for in my life right now.
2. Locus of control - focusing on stuff I can control and not on the stuff I have no clue about. I have no clue if anyone is going to like my book so I don't focus on it because what other people like, think and feel is beyond my control. What I can do is focus on how I think and feel and what actions that I can take. It's about holding intention and working towards something you find meaningful but completely letting go of your attachment to the result.
 

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So ironic to see this thread today... I have been very frustrated lately with very similar questions. I'm interested in a lot, but I feel like I don't have the energy to find which of the areas I'm passionate about, and it's made me so jumbled and exhausted. I was actually on the phone last night with a very good friend of mine asking him about it, and he gave me some advice that made me feel a little better.

First, he said to find an area that you naturally "flow" in. Second, my favorite bit, he said not to let the perfect get in the way of the good.

I'm much in the same boat as you, but I hope this brings you the same comfort it brought me. And thanks for the thread, I'm enjoying everyone else's advice as well :)
 

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Read about the Enneagram! Each type has his own traps that look like "the thing" you have to do before you can be happy.
In case you're an Enneagram-type 4 that "passion-seeking/ identity-seeking" could be quite disfunctional and just a coping-strategy (so be aware of that)!
Don-Richard Riso's books are really good on these topics in my opinion.

Just tell yourself that you dont absolutely need to love yourself right now and find your passion, be happy and so one.. Thats way too much pressure. Things will come with time automatically while living a healthy life-style, doing things you like, trying something new from time to time and even with experiences of failure.

Its probably not easy to find "the perfect job" (sometimes I think that especially INFP's may not be dedicated enough to stick with someting forever anyways). So, look for something that seems quite nice to you!

The path is probably not finding all these perfect solutions, its probably more trying to take the best out of each and every moment without putting too much pressure on it to be a lot more different than it already is.

So instead of trying to figure it all out try to just keep moving, try different things and do things you like to do (could even just be making yourself a nice cup of coffee, thats a win already :p), do some physical activity and so one..

Okay, maybe not one of my best posts but I hope you can take yourself a little bit of something out of there :p
I believe in you.
 
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