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This relationship type is a particularly difficult matching, however there is a key to success in any pairing type; love and understanding gets you through.


I started this thread so other ENFP/ISFP couples might contribute motivational, perhaps even ground-breaking aspects of their experiences together.

Any advice and strategic tips on how I can evade the doom of a supervisor relationship type would be greatly appreciated. It'd also provide a good opportunity for constructive discussion surrounding the strengths and needed improvements for this kind of pairing, be it that you have already experienced it or are anticipating one.

I shall begin with a kind of situational analysis;

  • I am a 23 year old ENFP female in a year and a half long relationship with my 23 year old ISFP male partner. We had been best friends for about 6 years prior to dating, and have grown a profound respect and love for one another. We agreed to some successful compromises in our time together, and are planning a solid future as we begin the full thrust of our careers in the near future. Some troubles arise when we communicate, and the clash in our personality types prove understanding one another's needs to be difficult at times.
  • I am quite the extrovert, require the company of others to feel emotionally nourished (whilst seeking occasional solitude to recharge) and need quite a bit of intellectual stimulation whenever discussing anything with anyone. I am generally optimistic, crave peace and harmony and struggle to keep my thoughts to myself.
  • He is introverted, genuine, gentle and calm. Always patient, always living in the moment and constantly entertaining himself with his passions and ideals. He speaks rarely at length of things, but when he does comment or passes judgement, it cannot be refuted - everything he says possesses a certain weight and unshakable truth. He has told me that he struggles with communication, and yet it appears to me that by limiting his words to those only of most importance, he is more an effective speaker than others who leak illiterate garbage and ramble on about the mundane (like me, haha).
  • We meet at certain common grounds; we are both creative by nature and loathe stifling, static situations. We enjoy laughing together, lively discussion about humanity and philosophy, participating in outdoor activities, admiring nature (and disliking the city). Our families get along well together, whom are both easy-going and want only the best, enjoyable and rewarding life for us to share with one another. Both deeply affectionate and amicable in one another's presence, we never have petty arguments as they are easily avoided with acts of compromise, discussion and organisation.
  • He rejects MBTI and most forms of categorisation for many reasons that we've discusssed. We did not however discuss the way my analysis of his personality type further lends itself to the supervisor type conditions of our relationship. He isn't aware of supervisor type relationships, let alone that I am trying to research it to gain better insight into the way we operate together as a couple.

The issues are as follows;

It gets hairy when I need to talk out my worries and anxieties. I'd love to constantly titter away about my thoughts, revelations and uncertainties in the pursuit for self-fulfillment, whereas he needs ample servings of private time to rejuvenate energy. This creates a sense of absence in the relationship; one partner is less available for the other. Unknown to me why, I feel as if his need to recluse is a direct personal attack; that my company is not enjoyable, that he has become overwhelmed by my extroversion and that he would not need as much private space if we weren't in a romantic relationship. Despite recognising that he does need alone time regardless, it still causes me stress because I crave his affection almost all of the time. This sounds self-centred, and even just speaking about it makes me uncomfortable, however it is truly how I feel.


Above all other issues, I am most concerned about the intricacies of the way ENFP/ISFP types theoretically operate. That is specifically, under the supervisor relationship type. Nothing depresses me more than knowing that I might be the very key to causing a potential melt-down in my partner. I am horrified by this idea, that I may be stopping him from being who he naturally is, and as such I will strive to do anything and everything to prevent my partner feeling subordinate in this relationship. The standard in supervisor relationship types is that the supervisor's dominant function painfully fights against the supervisee's inferior function even without their knowing about it (To him, I am fascinating but overwhelming, to the point where our closeness creates dissidence between our strengths and weaknesses; my strengths amplify and further entrench his weaknesses).

I understand that in order for us to make this relationship fruitful for us both, I must reduce my dominant function that feeds my power, control and authority and instead focus on respecting his need for privacy, and ultimately, autonomy. This is evident in moments where he is experiencing frustration or stress, no matter the cause. When I ask him if there is anything at all that I could do to help, he tells me to relax and chill out. Of course I anticipate that doing this would result in stagnation, rather than resolution so I often deny his request and proceed to fret over the situation anyway, unfortunately thus escalating his frustration. This action seems illogical and yet it is the evident data :(

How can I help make this relationship a stronger one? How do I destroy the barriers between us and the power struggle that is a result of our differences?
 

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I'm in a situation almost exactly like yours! I am a female ENFP(25) in a relationship for almost 2 years with a male INFP(26) and I have a lot of the same questions you do.

I don't have as much of an issue giving him alone time. He told me about that aspect of his personality before we got together and he always checks in with me to tell me it's not my fault. I also commute out of town for 8 days out of the month, so he gets plenty of alone time. I think my biggest issue is that my need for self-improvement has me constantly trying to be active, while he hates leaving the house and rarely does something that doesn't involve the tv in some way.
 

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Above all other issues, I am most concerned about the intricacies of the way ENFP/ISFP types theoretically operate. That is specifically, under the supervisor relationship type. Nothing depresses me more than knowing that I might be the very key to causing a potential melt-down in my partner. I am horrified by this idea, that I may be stopping him from being who he naturally is, and as such I will strive to do anything and everything to prevent my partner feeling subordinate in this relationship. The standard in supervisor relationship types is that the supervisor's dominant function painfully fights against the supervisee's inferior function even without their knowing about it (To him, I am fascinating but overwhelming, to the point where our closeness creates dissidence between our strengths and weaknesses; my strengths amplify and further entrench his weaknesses).

How can I help make this relationship a stronger one? How do I destroy the barriers between us and the power struggle that is a result of our differences?
I am a ENFP girl (24) dating my best friend of 11 years, an ISFP guy (24). We have been in a serious relationship for the past 3.5 years and I am only starting to realize how true your above statement is. I am horrified as well that I may be the reason for him not reaching his potential. Because I have a tendency to tell him exactly how I feel, aka tell him I'm worried he isn't thinking about his future enough, it puts him down (although I don't intend to), and I think he's been more stressed recently because of it. I have started to sense this supervisor relationship more recently as well. Especially because I am always focusing on self development and my career growth and he is more chill and takes his time to figure himself out. Planning for the future stresses him out (one of the ISFP traits).

For me, I've been trying really hard to change my perception. I am realizing that I am being selfish by expecting him to be a certain way (expecting him to be like me). I have to think that he could be with someone who actually likes all of his flaws so if I really want to stay with him, I should be more accepting and understanding. Since ENFPs wear our hearts on our sleeves and are unable to hide our emotions, ISFPs will get all of the good and the bad from us, especially if they are very close to us. Anything negative that we say to them will really affect their confidence and self esteem and even ego (especially if it's a guy). So in order for us to work, I have to change my perspective into a positive one. That way, I will only shower him with honest praise and help him excel and reach his highest potential.

Aside from this one issue, we are perfect for each other in every way. Other people see a chemistry between us that they can't explain. We don't show any PDA and yet people see the strong love between us. The only way I can explain it is I feel like we are family. I do like the fact that he is more grounded than me and helps me slow down when I'm erratic. I can get too overwhelmed by my own thoughts sometimes and he reminds me to think more simply.
 
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