This relationship type is a particularly difficult matching, however there is a key to success in any pairing type; love and understanding gets you through.
I started this thread so other ENFP/ISFP couples might contribute motivational, perhaps even ground-breaking aspects of their experiences together.
Any advice and strategic tips on how I can evade the doom of a supervisor relationship type would be greatly appreciated. It'd also provide a good opportunity for constructive discussion surrounding the strengths and needed improvements for this kind of pairing, be it that you have already experienced it or are anticipating one.
I shall begin with a kind of situational analysis;
- I am a 23 year old ENFP female in a year and a half long relationship with my 23 year old ISFP male partner. We had been best friends for about 6 years prior to dating, and have grown a profound respect and love for one another. We agreed to some successful compromises in our time together, and are planning a solid future as we begin the full thrust of our careers in the near future. Some troubles arise when we communicate, and the clash in our personality types prove understanding one another's needs to be difficult at times.
- I am quite the extrovert, require the company of others to feel emotionally nourished (whilst seeking occasional solitude to recharge) and need quite a bit of intellectual stimulation whenever discussing anything with anyone. I am generally optimistic, crave peace and harmony and struggle to keep my thoughts to myself.
- He is introverted, genuine, gentle and calm. Always patient, always living in the moment and constantly entertaining himself with his passions and ideals. He speaks rarely at length of things, but when he does comment or passes judgement, it cannot be refuted - everything he says possesses a certain weight and unshakable truth. He has told me that he struggles with communication, and yet it appears to me that by limiting his words to those only of most importance, he is more an effective speaker than others who leak illiterate garbage and ramble on about the mundane (like me, haha).
- We meet at certain common grounds; we are both creative by nature and loathe stifling, static situations. We enjoy laughing together, lively discussion about humanity and philosophy, participating in outdoor activities, admiring nature (and disliking the city). Our families get along well together, whom are both easy-going and want only the best, enjoyable and rewarding life for us to share with one another. Both deeply affectionate and amicable in one another's presence, we never have petty arguments as they are easily avoided with acts of compromise, discussion and organisation.
- He rejects MBTI and most forms of categorisation for many reasons that we've discusssed. We did not however discuss the way my analysis of his personality type further lends itself to the supervisor type conditions of our relationship. He isn't aware of supervisor type relationships, let alone that I am trying to research it to gain better insight into the way we operate together as a couple.
It gets hairy when I need to talk out my worries and anxieties. I'd love to constantly titter away about my thoughts, revelations and uncertainties in the pursuit for self-fulfillment, whereas he needs ample servings of private time to rejuvenate energy. This creates a sense of absence in the relationship; one partner is less available for the other. Unknown to me why, I feel as if his need to recluse is a direct personal attack; that my company is not enjoyable, that he has become overwhelmed by my extroversion and that he would not need as much private space if we weren't in a romantic relationship. Despite recognising that he does need alone time regardless, it still causes me stress because I crave his affection almost all of the time. This sounds self-centred, and even just speaking about it makes me uncomfortable, however it is truly how I feel.
The issues are as follows;
The issues are as follows;
Above all other issues, I am most concerned about the intricacies of the way ENFP/ISFP types theoretically operate. That is specifically, under the supervisor relationship type. Nothing depresses me more than knowing that I might be the very key to causing a potential melt-down in my partner. I am horrified by this idea, that I may be stopping him from being who he naturally is, and as such I will strive to do anything and everything to prevent my partner feeling subordinate in this relationship. The standard in supervisor relationship types is that the supervisor's dominant function painfully fights against the supervisee's inferior function even without their knowing about it (To him, I am fascinating but overwhelming, to the point where our closeness creates dissidence between our strengths and weaknesses; my strengths amplify and further entrench his weaknesses).
I understand that in order for us to make this relationship fruitful for us both, I must reduce my dominant function that feeds my power, control and authority and instead focus on respecting his need for privacy, and ultimately, autonomy. This is evident in moments where he is experiencing frustration or stress, no matter the cause. When I ask him if there is anything at all that I could do to help, he tells me to relax and chill out. Of course I anticipate that doing this would result in stagnation, rather than resolution so I often deny his request and proceed to fret over the situation anyway, unfortunately thus escalating his frustration. This action seems illogical and yet it is the evident data
How can I help make this relationship a stronger one? How do I destroy the barriers between us and the power struggle that is a result of our differences?