Personality Cafe banner

1 - 2 of 2 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
4 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
hello,
i'm glad i found this place so that i can talk about my current problem with my isfp boyfriend -and best friend-.
Long story short, he doesn't like talking about his problems, wich hurts me not only because he faces everything alone -if he ever "faces" - but because he lives a single mans life when he has a girlfriend that he can talk and share his thoughts with.
I truly love him, but i feel like he is just not having me involved in his life, he just doesn't share enough to a point that i just feel that we are in 2 different worlds and when i addressed that issue, he just says his sorry and he'll do whatever makes me happy. (?!!!)
even when i vent to him , i feel sometimes that he just wants me to suck it up and just live with whatever problems that i have rather then discussing the problem with me.
ok i may keep my vent to my self or vent to family members, but i really cant be in a relationship where I feel that I'm not fully in the other persons life , i actually feel disrespected as a partner if I'm not allowed to be involved.
also, when he is busy, I'm almost Pushed out of his life, he barely talks to me, he says he needs space to recharge yet he tries to keep in touch with me, i don't know if thats normal but he was really super busy lately that he didn't call more then 1 time in 2 months he just texts me.
i don't know what to do we truly love each other but this guy is a lonely one and he's used to lonely peoples lifes and i don't know how to change that.
mainly ,i really just want to be there for him thats it !
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
156 Posts
Hello @agirlxnfp,

I'll try to explain to you how an ISFP thinks, feels and processes things - but of course I will have my own personal biases so do take it with a grain of salt.

"Long story short, he doesn't like talking about his problems, wich hurts me not only because he faces everything alone -if he ever "faces" - but because he lives a single mans life when he has a girlfriend that he can talk and share his thoughts with."

ISFPs typically don't talk about how we really feel about things because honestly, we don't think them through and put labels on them. We can. But we typically don't. When I have a real problem, I take awhile to process how I feel, and subsequently think about it. I may or may not act on it - sometimes it takes me a while to get moving.

"I truly love him, but i feel like he is just not having me involved in his life, he just doesn't share enough to a point that i just feel that we are in 2 different worlds and when i addressed that issue, he just says his sorry and he'll do whatever makes me happy. (?!!!)
even when i vent to him , i feel sometimes that he just wants me to suck it up and just live with whatever problems that i have rather then discussing the problem with me.
ok i may keep my vent to my self or vent to family members, but i really cant be in a relationship where I feel that I'm not fully in the other persons life , i actually feel disrespected as a partner if I'm not allowed to be involved."


This sounds like a classic introvert-extrovert problem. The extrovert (you) typically wants full involvement in every aspect of the relationship. The introvert (him) needs space alone, not because he doesn't love you. We just need time alone to calibrate our emotions, thoughts and connect with ourselves and our interests. You say you love him. So can you accept him for who he is?

When he says he's sorry and he'll do whatever makes you happy, he really means he doesn't want to continue discussing the topic with you. It also means he will try to do something about it, but will probably need time to get around to it. Albeit in our own terms and understanding of what it constitutes to make our partners happy - i.e. if he values quality time (even through texting), then you can expect more of it.

We don't like conflict and confrontation especially if the issue isn't something we are familiar with. We also don't know how to deal with the emotional outbursts of other people, because emotions are very real and overwhelming to us in a way that causes our brains to shut down. So we can't think

"also, when he is busy, I'm almost Pushed out of his life, he barely talks to me, he says he needs space to recharge yet he tries to keep in touch with me, i don't know if thats normal but he was really super busy lately that he didn't call more then 1 time in 2 months he just texts me.
i don't know what to do we truly love each other but this guy is a lonely one and he's used to lonely peoples lifes and i don't know how to change that.
mainly ,i really just want to be there for him thats it !"


When I'm busy, most of my attention is focused on getting things done. I barely have downtime to recharge and do things I like (which is a big thing to me). That he texts you shows that you're on his mind and he's trying to reach out to you. If he doesn't call you, maybe you can call him?

I'd recommend finding some time to go on a trip with him - somewhere relaxing and not too hectic or crowded. A slow drive along a beach sounds nice. You can address some of the issues, but don't confront him. Do it gently, and don't impose your views on him.

Instead of saying "i just feel that we are in 2 different worlds", maybe you can say "don't you think we are similar in [these ways], I think I'd love to try [the hobby that you love so much], maybe you can try mine too".

Doing things together will allow you to spend more time, and thus connect. We like doing things. All the best.
 
1 - 2 of 2 Posts
Top