[KJ52]

I've noticed a bit my INFJ seems to get concerned about my feelings after we have a deeper conversation. Usually, the next day, he'll ask how I'm feeling. I, in turn, return the favor to see if that is his way of telling me how HE is feeling. I'm getting the feeling he does this to make sure we're still good and that I haven't changed my mind about him. I'm afraid he may feel a lack of security other than this that I don't know about and know he enjoys affirmation. What works best for you? What makes you feel secure in a relationship and what do you need to hear to feel good about where you are at with your SO.

 

[sentilopis]

Intimacy. Touch.

 

[GoodOldDreamer]

Wouldn't this depend upon his love language preferences? Personally, I'm into physical touch and words of affirmation. That's not necessarily an INFJ specific thing though. *shrug*

As far as being concerned about you after deep conversations, well, that's Fe kicking in. The deeper a conversation is, the more personal it is, and the more likely one is to be hurt or upset due to differing opinions or whatever else. Speaking for myself, I'm not fond of even unintentionally hurting those I care deeply about.

So when I might disagree with them on something, I want them to know I still value their opinion and that I don't put them in a negative light for having a different one. And I'm also aware that at times my Ti will get the better of me during those conversations and I might come off as more assertive (read: argumentative) than I intend to. Because, like I said, these deeper conversations can be personal as well, and I'm not immune to it anymore so than the person I'm speaking with is.

Anyway, to put it more simply, verbal communication isn't really our greatest proficiency. Sometimes, we just like to make sure we haven't overstepped our bounds, because we care. It's like a bad dancer who's out on the floor with you and just wants to make sure he hasn't stepped on your toes yet, or if he has, that you're able to forgive him. ;o)

 

[Lightlilly]

I agree with ^GoodOldDreamer

and sentilopis

for me at least not sure if it's typical of an INFJ or not .....

if I can feel the "true" or "real" love in their touch I'll know it is sincere.

same with the opposite, I can easily tell the difference between lust and love when it comes to other people touching me >.>

 

[Ashneversleeps]

Hmm, if he's.. um, strong minded let's say and is a little paranoid/pessimistic by nature, your best bet may be to force him to sit and listen to you clearly and thoroughly state how you feel about him. Direct, sustained eye contact is good, plus lots of strong touching/holding. Basically, try to be as unambiguous and reassuring as possible, because he might just need a little extra assurance (INFJ thing perhaps).

Now I should clarify, I'm not advocating that you grab him by the collar and forcefully berate him with the litany of your feelings under threat of fisticuffs or anything, (the more I think about it though, the more I'm sure this would work on me ), but just enough to show him you mean business and that there is a deeper level that might go unsaid or unnoticed by him.

 

[Perspicacious]

Feeling secure is difficult. I don't know about your INFJ, but my experiences with other people in relationships have really put me through the ringer. Physical intimacy and spending time with me are big ones. Actions speak louder than words, in my opinion. I want to experience that my partner wants to be with me, by their effort of making time for me and their comfort with me. Keep promises, be open and honest, show a willingness to step out of your comfort zone. Those kinds of things are helpful (to me, as an INFJ).

 

[Ntuitive]

Feeling secure is difficult. I don't know about your INFJ, but my experiences with other people in relationships have really put me through the ringer. Physical intimacy and spending time with me are big ones. Actions speak louder than words, in my opinion. I want to experience that my partner wants to be with me, by their effort of making time for me and their comfort with me. Keep promises, be open and honest, show a willingness to step out of your comfort zone. Those kinds of things are helpful (to me, as an INFJ).

Yeah I agree with this 100%