[Haven Rosthorne]

I have nothing against INTPs at all. The INTP in question is actually on of my best friends. The deal is she has been put in a leadership position to where I (an ENFP, not an INFP as stated above, I just don't know how to change it) have to rely on her to be able to do my job. The deal is, she is a band officer and we have music play offs. Me being a raring and ready to go ENFP makes me want to play off my music ON TIME and not be kicked out. Even though she knows her music and people she can play off to are available...for some reason she doesn't do it. She doesn't understand the problems shes putting everyone in her squad in since we can't play off our music until she does, I guess.

Recently, I brought up to her face to face that she needs to go to her work because we rely on her. Instead of doing this she got very pissy saying that the reason she can't play off herself is because people won't stop playing off to her even though what they're doing is pointless since she hasn't played off yet. When I told her that she can refuse them until she gets her own business done she stormed off saying that she can't refuse anyone if they need to play off (which she can...I asked...). The next day, she still hasn't played off and it's the last day to do so. I confront her yet again telling her that she needs to play off so that I and 7 others in her squad can do so as well. Instead she says the drum majors (who she passes off to) are all busy and can't be bothered. One of them was sitting down in a seat...eating breakfast...yeah. When I told her to just go play off to him (and mistakenly, I raised my voice a little since I was pissed off at this point) she told me to just get away and it wasn't my job to tell her this stuff and walked away crying. Wow, did I feel like a horrible person.

So now...I face being taken out of the band along with 7 others and it's her fault (sounds harsh, but it's the truth) for not doing her job. I know I should back off since I'm not in charge but I'm an aggressive ENFP who likes to get everything done. How can I motivate this INTP to do her work so that I can get through okay, and she can get through without crying? She had two weeks, she knew the stuff...she didn't do it. Why? Yet again, I'm not hatin. I'm just aggravated.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

You fucked up because you tried to dictate what she should do. An INTP needs suggestion of a possibility and time to ponder what the most beneficial option is. You confronted her, indicated she made an error more than once, and told her to act immediately. Her tendency toward your complaints was of stubbornness and procrastination, but your approach influenced her to react in this way.

 

[Haven Rosthorne]

Well since I fucked up what should I do now? She had two weeks to think, and had 7 people behind her trusting that she was going to do her job...and she didn't. I'm sorry for stepping in, but please inform me of what to do now since I've got 7 under me in charge now that I technically can't help that need her when she doesn't feel like doing anything anymore.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

Well since I fucked up what should I do now? She had two weeks to think, and had 7 people behind her trusting that she was going to do her job...and she didn't. I'm sorry for stepping in, but please inform me of what to do now since I've got 7 under me in charge now that I technically can't help that need her when she doesn't feel like doing anything anymore.

I'm not in a band, so I don't know the hierarchy involved. If you're not in command, ask the person with the most influence and experience to guide your friend without appearing authoritarian. Don't order your fellow band member; ask for her opinions on what you're instructed to perform and practice with her outside of the traditional class. Constructively criticize. Compliment her abilities and suggest beneficial solutions without appearing domineering or overly critical. Don't blame her for all the band's faults or she'll respond erratically. Consistently nudge her into action instead of pushing her into the pit of blame. INTPs seem to be natural procrastinators and need positive motivation and options for action.

 

[Haven Rosthorne]

I play with her outside of band everyday and constantly say how good she is at her instrument (she's in the top portion). A part of being in band is to use those above the squad leader as a last resort. They have their own business and we do not interfere since it is not our rank (gah, hate it). For two weeks I helped her out by even doing her job for her when she expressed not feeling like doing it, but it comes to the point where we all fall off a cliff if she doesn't respond to the benificial and the kind since there's a time limit. I really suppose all I can do now is wait and see what happens. It just erks me on how she says she can't stay after school to do things...when she can because I come to her house after shes home finding her playing games on the internet and listening to music. I guess there's not much I can really do.

 

[SaraBell]

That sounds like a crappy thing to do...as an INTP I will procrastinate and ruin stuff for myself all the time because of my lazyness, but when I have a group depending on me I always pull through. Tell her that your position is jeapordized because she isn't doing her job. She will probably get upset again, but it's her own fault. If things don't change, then tell her superior why you don't deserve to lose your spot.

 

[Nitou]

She may be having mental health issues/depression. Maybe she has lost interest in the band. You might gently ask her if she wants to take a break for awhile.

 

[Kevinaswell]

Just tell her she's being a rude ass.

She sounds like a rude ass.

Or maybe I had even less of an idea of what 'play off' ensued than I thought I did.

Cuz iunno. I also kinda had the thought "Well....why didn't anyone just say, 'well fuck off if you're not gunna go I'm gunna, eff waiting around for you.' then??"

Which I imagine SOMEONE woulda done if that's how it was....so I prolly got it wrong. *shrugs*

I only played trumpet like 3 years in HS.....for a class...