[ana]

So, I am an INFP girl and I really love an INTP guy. I don't even know how I fell for him because physically he is not my type at all but I guess we had a connection, you could say that. I just typed him yesterday and I think it makes sense why we could "get" each other so easily, perhaps because of our Extraverted Intuitive Function. The problem is that we started being just friends and then alcohol got in the way and we kissed one time, two, three, he started to stay at my place for the night (though we never had sex) and he was really sweet, he is intellectual, has strong ADHD, he is weird, says comments at the wrong times but I find that adorable haha. He liked to cuddle me and you know, things that make an INFP fall in love haha. After a while of having this friends with benefits sort of relationship I told him I wanted to have a relationship, a serious one. He told me he didn't that it wasn't me, but that he didn't feel like he wanted a relationship right now.

I was heart broken but decided to keep being friends with him... all this time he was really good to me, he would take me to dinner sometimes, payed for everything, he called me to see how my day went, he texted me all the time and he told me he cared deeply about me. So I just felt like we were ready to take the next step. He wasn't... so I toldhim we should stay away and stop talking, he insisted that please, he didnt want us to stop talking! and he would just hug me and said that we had a weird relationship but that we cared about each other, that we should just see how things work out. I felt he didn't want to commit, so one day after he slept over and we did sexual things (haha sorry) I told him that he was hurting me and I just started crying... he was so stressed out and he started crying too. I was really shocked by the fact that he started crying and he kept saying that he didn't mean to hurt me and that please, I should just stop crying and he kissed me and we just fell asleep in each other's arms... so after that intense drama episode, things just got worse.. I couldn't help but think what were "we" doing... and he wanted us to be just friends, like best friends I guess but when we got drunk he wanted to kiss me and stuff...

One day I wrote him an email and deleted him from FB, my phone, everything and told him I couldn't be in that relationship anymore. That he knew what I wanted and that if didn't want that he should back off for real... so he did. I think he also got tired of my drama... or something. We stopped talking at all. Not a word, anything... and a month went by and I cant get over him. I saw him the other day and we got in a fight as always, he was a jerk... but well, I miss him, I miss us and
I just wish I knew what to do to make him feel the way I do and to know what REALLY did he feel for me??

Sorry for the super long post but I have no clue what to do next. :crying:

 

[Promethea]

First, you're going to need a red candle, a lock of his hair, and a tarot deck..

Jk.. but really -making- an intp do anything is more challenging that herding cats. He either has those feelings, or he doesn't. I realize they are 'perceivers' -- but that sort of feeling is an off or on sort of thing.

 

[qingdom]

dont forget voodoo dolls and a droplet from the love potion bottle, Promethea.

Potency of the spell depends on how much blood we need to drain from our vict-... er... patient.

 

[Alpengeist19]

First off, if he is talking to you about his emotions and telling you how much he really cares for you and TRIES to explain it, he is probably in love. I have only been one time and it's really hard for us to express how we feel. But as for what to do next, it sounds like you are confused yourself as to what you want. You said you deleted him from your phone and were arguing with him and stuff, but you want him back. We don't understand mixed signals, as contradiction is illogical to us. If you want him back, tell him straight up. If you want him to leave you alone, tell him to leave you alone. It's that simple with us. If he says he doesn't want you back, then he doesn't want you back. You won't be able to force him into it or guilt him into it, that doesn't work with us. The best thing you could do would be to say something like, "If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always here." But then don't bother him. He will come back to you if he misses you. Maybe shoot him a text every once in a while asking how he's been, but by once in a while, I mean in a few months.

 

[nadjasix]

Why play games with this dude when there are so many other people on the planet?

There are more INTPs where this guy came from. Richard, for instance...

 

[Playful Proxy]

Why play games with this dude when there are so many other people on the planet?

There are more INTPs where this guy came from. Richard, for instance...

I swear, ever since his return, these jokes of become an infection for any and all threads.

And to answer OP's question, it sounds like he has feelings for you, but for one reason or another, he simply does not want the 'title' associated with it. I am not sure if it is the commitment itself, but instead simply the title of 'relationship' that gets to him. From the sounds of it, you guys were not far from being a couple anyway. I will confirm that he had feelings for you. One thing to take note of: If you two get into a situation where you are not talking, he will NOT come back or talk back to you. Myself included, I don't care how much I cared for the person, if they do not show signs they want interaction again, I will NOT associate with them. Who knows, I could just be a coward.

Just my three cents (technically, two pennies costs 1.5 cents to make each)

 

[Richard]

Sure sure, make fun of the cripple

 

[NeedsNewNameNow]

So, I am an INFP girl and I really love an INTP guy. I don't even know how I fell for him because physically he is not my type at all but I guess we had a connection, you could say that. I just typed him yesterday and I think it makes sense why we could "get" each other so easily, perhaps because of our Extraverted Intuitive Function. The problem is that we started being just friends and then alcohol got in the way and we kissed one time, two, three, he started to stay at my place for the night (though we never had sex) and he was really sweet, he is intellectual, has strong ADHD, he is weird, says comments at the wrong times but I find that adorable haha. He liked to cuddle me and you know, things that make an INFP fall in love haha. After a while of having this friends with benefits sort of relationship I told him I wanted to have a relationship, a serious one. He told me he didn't that it wasn't me, but that he didn't feel like he wanted a relationship right now.

I was heart broken but decided to keep being friends with him... all this time he was really good to me, he would take me to dinner sometimes, payed for everything, he called me to see how my day went, he texted me all the time and he told me he cared deeply about me. So I just felt like we were ready to take the next step. He wasn't... so I toldhim we should stay away and stop talking, he insisted that please, he didnt want us to stop talking! and he would just hug me and said that we had a weird relationship but that we cared about each other, that we should just see how things work out. I felt he didn't want to commit, so one day after he slept over and we did sexual things (haha sorry) I told him that he was hurting me and I just started crying... he was so stressed out and he started crying too. I was really shocked by the fact that he started crying and he kept saying that he didn't mean to hurt me and that please, I should just stop crying and he kissed me and we just fell asleep in each other's arms... so after that intense drama episode, things just got worse.. I couldn't help but think what were "we" doing... and he wanted us to be just friends, like best friends I guess but when we got drunk he wanted to kiss me and stuff...

One day I wrote him an email and deleted him from FB, my phone, everything and told him I couldn't be in that relationship anymore. That he knew what I wanted and that if didn't want that he should back off for real... so he did. I think he also got tired of my drama... or something. We stopped talking at all. Not a word, anything... and a month went by and I cant get over him. I saw him the other day and we got in a fight as always, he was a jerk... but well, I miss him, I miss us and
I just wish I knew what to do to make him feel the way I do and to know what REALLY did he feel for me??

Sorry for the super long post but I have no clue what to do next. :crying:

When you say he is a jerk.. was he a jerk before? what about with other people?
if he normally isn't, he may have feelings but is conflicted and struggling.

EDIT: I missed something in your post. He loves you, but is scared of commitment.
If he was checking up on you that much, then you are special to him.

How important is a commitment in words to you? Chances are he would be faithful but is scared of making it official.

 

[nadjasix]

I swear, ever since his return, these jokes of become an infection for any and all threads.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

 

[CosmicJalapeno]

Just my three cents (technically, two pennies costs 1.5 cents to make each)

If 2 cents is technically 3 cents than those 3 cents that back those 2 cents would technically be 4.5 cents but the X amount of cents that back the 4.5 cents would continue this system to no end... holy shit... your wisdom is infinite!

 

[joellr17]

Hey, for what I read I am sure he has feelings for you, but there must be something that prevents him from committing to a relationship.

I think the feelings are there, and he may even be in love, but guess what? Even if an INTP is in love he can override those emotions with logic and make himself act the opposite than how it feels (at least I can do this).

Based on my intuition and previous experience, I would say that there is something lurking in his logical head that bothers him and just spoils things for him.

It has happened to me before, I felt really strongly about this girl and had an on/off relationship, but I didn't want to formalize the relationship because there was a little detail in my head that made me not want to commit, until she put me in a spot where I needed to choose. She won, I formalized the relationship, but I ended it soon after because of the same reason.

I cannot say with absolute certainty this is the case with you two, but it seems like it because he wouldn't have said the things he did if he didn't care about you, but at the same time if there must be something he doesn't feel comfortable with or otherwise he would be with you.

So I would suggest to build some courage and be straight with him about how you feel, and ask him to be honest about the reason why he wont be with you, But if you manage to get the truth out of him you better be prepared to hear it. On the other hand there is a slight probability that is something you can change by using a good argument an get logic out of the way.

hope this helps

 

[Promethea]

Why play games with this dude when there are so many other people on the planet?

There are more INTPs where this guy came from. Richard, for instance...

Too much competition there.. he already has lots of forum wimmin after him.. though he is blissfully unaware..

 

[Bazinga187]

If 2 cents is technically 3 cents than those 3 cents that back those 2 cents would technically be 4.5 cents but the X amount of cents that back the 4.5 cents would continue this system to no end... holy shit... your wisdom is infinite!

"Some infinities are bigger than other infinities." - John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

Too much competition there.. he already has lots of forum wimmin after him.. though he is blissfully unaware..

I told him once. He said it would be incest. Broke my heart, Promethea *hysteric sobs*

I mean, whatever, it's cool.

 

[cranberryplains]

"Some infinities are bigger than other infinities." - John Green, The Fault in Our Stars



I told him once. He said it would be incest. Broke my heart, Promethea *hysteric sobs*

I mean, whatever, it's cool.

It's like every other post I see from you is a John Green quote, and it's awesome.

 

[Promethea]

"Some infinities are bigger than other infinities." - John Green, The Fault in Our Stars



I told him once. He said it would be incest. Broke my heart, Promethea *hysteric sobs*

I mean, whatever, it's cool.

I got turned down for casual sex. And thats coming from me.. I don't typically do those things.. only one intp could have been the exception. : O

lol

 

[qingdom]

If 2 cents is technically 3 cents than those 3 cents that back those 2 cents would technically be 4.5 cents but the X amount of cents that back the 4.5 cents would continue this system to no end... holy shit... your wisdom is infinite!

We could melt the copper and make a shitton more money, however, defacing or melting currency is a felony.... sadly.


OP, if the guy you're attempting to chase is a jerk as you say, has he intentionally debased you physically, mentally, or spiritually?

If yes to any of them, regardless if private or public, in front of friends/family or alone, please consider dropping the relationship. It'll create more turmoil for you in the long run. Would you settle for being unhappy while knowing or happy while not knowing?

Pick a path and choose your future and destiny properly. Quite often, can't have both, can't turn back either.

 

[CosmicJalapeno]

"Some infinities are bigger than other infinities." - John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

A one liner that speaks to the soul but doesn't make any sense... how enlightening...

*looks up The Fault in Our Stars because the name is bad ass*

Oh... YA literature...

 

[joellr17]

A one liner that speaks to the soul but doesn't make any sense... how enlightening...

*looks up The Fault in Our Stars because the name is bad ass*

Oh... YA literature...

It is great line indeed but is actually a reality as well (I mean theoretically) That some infinities are bigger than others. The concept was developed by Georg Cantor father of the set theory when he proved than the set of real numbers is bigger than the set of natural numbers.

 

[CosmicJalapeno]

It is great line indeed but is actually a reality as well (I mean theoretically) That some infinities are bigger than others. The concept was developed by Georg Cantor father of the set theory when he proved than the set of real numbers is bigger than the set of natural numbers.

I deff think it's an awesome quote but I disagree with the logic, and no argument for authority will convince me otherwise. Not saying I'm right in the end, but I can only go by what I think in the end.

I do not have much faith in mathematics.

 

[crazyeddie]

I swear, ever since his return, these jokes of become an infection for any and all threads.

And to answer OP's question, it sounds like he has feelings for you, but for one reason or another, he simply does not want the 'title' associated with it. I am not sure if it is the commitment itself, but instead simply the title of 'relationship' that gets to him. From the sounds of it, you guys were not far from being a couple anyway. I will confirm that he had feelings for you. One thing to take note of: If you two get into a situation where you are not talking, he will NOT come back or talk back to you. Myself included, I don't care how much I cared for the person, if they do not show signs they want interaction again, I will NOT associate with them. Who knows, I could just be a coward.

Just my three cents (technically, two pennies costs 1.5 cents to make each)

@ana That'd be my take on it too. Had almost exactly the same thing happen with an INFP, only with her saying "Not you, just not ready for a relationship yet." Everything I've learned since tells me that she *is* telling me the literal truth, as hard as that might be to understand. And it's very clear that this INTP did and does have feelings for you.

No, I've got *no* idea what the hell the difference is between "friendship" and "relationship." If you figure it out, let me know.

If you can handle the pain, might be a chance. If you can't, no shame in that. Or at least, that's what I'm telling myself.

And I'd second Signify's suggestion as well: you might want to give him some space, but if you cut off contact completely, he'll take that as saying he's not welcome, and he won't try to contact you.