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How to prepare for fatherhood?

645 Views 9 Replies 9 Participants Last post by  g_w
My wife and have recently discovered that she is pregnant. Barring any complications, this will be our first child. This was unexpected given reports from physicians and I am mostly ignorant when it comes to all things parenting. It is my preference not to suck at it. I suppose I'm beginning the knowledge accumulation phase. I'd like to sort what I need to learn in order to keep things efficient given the vast amount of conflicting info out there. I seek advice understanding that first-hand experience is probably a big part of it. Any guidance or anecdotes you can offer are appreciated. A few tidbits that may or may not be pertinent:

* We started a business about a year ago so income and losing growth momentum are concerns.
* My wife types as ENFP and seems to fit most characteristics on reputable profiles.
* Neither of us grew up with wealth or means. We have a negative bias toward individuals we deem to be spoiled or entitled.
* I'd like our children to have strong work ethic and not grow up with a sense of entitlement. I do not feel young adults should be reliant on their parents for financial support (assuming no circumstances beyond their control).
* I'd like them to be respectful toward others and decent human beings at their core.
* I'd like them to be independent thinkers and pursue whatever interests they choose.
* From my observations, it appears that many parents have difficulty striking the balance between too rigid in trying to instill values/responsibility (ignoring them as individuals) and too passive in allowing them to freedom to pursue their own paths (unintentionally spoiling them).

Where to begin?
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I'm the ISFP daughter of an INTJ mom and INFJ dad. I don't know how useful my insight can be, but I'll share anyway.

My mom didn't rely on parenting books, studies, documentaries, etc. to raise me. She relied very much on her intuition and instinct as a mother. Even though she relied on personal instinct rather than outside sources, she was extremely naturally good at structure and routine. She also was/is much less prone to histrionics than my dad, which I can appreciate because I am similar to my dad in that regard. If I was having issues with kids at school or whatever, she tended to be more deeply understanding and analytical of the situation, while my dad would just apologize to me for things he didn't do.

One of the most interesting parts about her as a parent was what I believe was her Ni-Fi looping. An example of this is, amusingly, her intense distrust in the National Dairy Council. Before I was born and throughout my life, she (and my dad) wouldn't touch milk because of her distrust in the National Dairy Council. Funny enough, after I turned 4/5, I refused to drink dairy milk. I would spit it up, just leave it, etc. She told the doctor that I refused to drink milk. The doctor went on and on about milk forming bones, that I would get osteoporosis or whatever if I didn't have get the idea. My mom said "She'll be fine. Here's what's gonna happen: I'll give her Vitamin C and an orange everyday. I'm not gonna make her drink milk; I don't even drink milk." Guess what? My bones are fine. As a side note: my elementary school was plastered with "Got milk?" posters, which endlessly aggravated her.

She also takes education and learning very seriously, and most years of school, I missed less than 2 days. However, I think it was 3rd grade when Disney presenters were coming to my school. I had absolutely no interest in Disney growing up, which relieved her, because she was/is very much against the Disney empire and what it stood for. When she heard about the Disney presenters, she drove right over to the school and told the principal she thought that Disney had no place in the school. She took me out of school and we went and got slushies.

Her Fi has definitely stood out and helped me shape mine.

I am a total mama's girl and I love my INTJ mom! :kitteh:
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