[Obstructor]

Try looking not in the crowd.

I am typically doing my own thing with very little interest in joining crowds or groups of people... in fact, joining a 'circle' of people is something I am really bad at and never do.

I typically only talk to max 2 people at a time... any more than that and I'm relegated to silent edge-of-crowd observer, unless they are mostly very close friends.

This is very true, do not look in crowds. If there are more than 3 people I cannot do more than add small details to conversations at that point. One or Two people I can control the conversation and will steer it to interesting topics.

Well, INTJs do not usually hang out in large crowds, and if they actually do, as some of the INTJs mentioned earlier, will stay at the periphery. We generally like to stand from a distance where we can observe happenings. I myself love to do that. It gives me satisfaction being able to understand social interactions between people i know. I assume INTJs don't really like to go out, as I do not go out unless absolutely necessary. We are usually poker faced... Not really adapt with expressions i guess. Lastly, personally I happen to smile in the public sometimes when i notice something funny or weird that I didn't realise all the while. It comes across to my friends as freaky or some sinister plot hatching freak, apparently.

The only thing different I have to add to this, is I smile like a giddy schoolgirl listening to people's conversations. They care about such simple odd things and I find it terribly fascinating.

The problem with spotting us; is we don't all act or dress the same. INTJ are the second to last for caring about their appearance, but they understand the value of being presentable. INTJs are likely to dress up nice, but forget to clip their finger nails or comb their hair. If they haven't researched how to make themselves presentable, they will wear practical clothes everywhere.

I used to wear a very light carpenter jean and whatever t-shirt was at the top of my drawer. Now, I have a college jacket that matches my shoe color(The collar also matches my eyes) and some nice dark aeropostale jeans.

Whatever you do don't set yourself too hard on finding an INTJ specifically, I know some pretty terrible INTJs who cannot get their lives figured out. Arrogant, lazy, and negative; find one who is at least willing to develop their Fi and is actively working to better themselves.

 

[Obstructor]

This thread has inspired me to do some field research.

I am going to go to large social gatherings and crowded areas.

I am going to appear as disinterested as possible, maybe take some crossword puzzles or a book.

See if an ENFP comes and talks to me.

It is also a great conversation starter, "What are you doing?"

"Field Research."

The real question is where do I find information on social gatherings?

 

[Obstructor]

Where do all intjs hang out

 

[Obstructor]

One INTJ guy I met was in a group setting. He didn't know any of us therefore he was quiet the whole time.

However when we met again in subsequent group settings, he became more talkative and initiated leadership quality. I thought he was an extrovert. I had no idea he's an INTJ. The only give away was the way he talked to ppl; it was studied, not a natural talent.

The first time we went out one on one, he became quiet and observant. It was so different than his public persona that it made me very nervous.

What I am saying here is that not ALL INTJs are wall flowers or hermits. This guy made a great deal of effort to participate in group activities and to talk to ppl. I could tell sometimes ppl annoyed him but he soldiered on.

Why he does it? He does it because joining group activities (that he enjoys) is a sure fire way to meet women. He met all his girls friends from group hikes, kayak trips, and rock climbing weekends. It helps that he made efforts to chat up ppl and that he's really fit and good looking.

This is similar to how I am, minus the really fit and good looking part. First time I meet someone there is very little to say and I usually keep it quite brief, usually to slowly build my understanding of the individual so the conversations can be built properly.

I have absolutely zero natural ability to maintain conversation, it was entirely built through experience and reading How to win friends and influence people and Daring Greatly and studying personality theory and the neuroscience and social science behind it. Much Psychological knowledge and personality study has formed who I am in conversation. Trial and error and persistent awareness of the effects my actions have on the viability of conversation. You just keep experimenting until you succeed.

People: pretty much all of them annoy me to death, which drives me insane; as people are the only thing that will truly fulfill you in this silly life. So many people would classify me as a friend, and so many of those people bother me; I fear the damage I could cause to many people.

The sole reason I am social: "sure fire way to meet women." As so few are compatible you have to find a vast number to segregate and analyze; frequently you need to do this one at a time as the outside persona rarely matches up to who they actually are. Although you can find outward manifestations that imply certain traits.

You become very good at realizing micro expressions and social procedures, body language is very powerful indicator of everything and you become very good at reading it to discover true intentions. In the end it doesn't really do all that much good, the failures (or at least lack of success) greatly outnumber the successes.