[Mikros]

I think a problem we have here is what you mean by a crowd. On the one hand, @LuckyNumberSeven is right: we don't often willingly go to crowds that we can't run with, and more - aren't distinguished in by some measure. It's why I can walk in on an Greek dance event and stay for hours, whereas I wouldn't go within 100 yards of a basketball court. On the other hand, if you're looking for us at a more diverse event, which is I think what you're getting at, or just in a generally social environment without a particular topic, direction, event, thing, then my analysis is probably more appropriate.

 

[LuckyNumberSeven]

I think a problem we have here is what you mean by a crowd. On the one hand, @LuckyNumberSeven is right: we don't often willingly go to crowds that we can't run with, and more - aren't distinguished in by some measure. It's why I can walk in on an Greek dance event and stay for hours, whereas I wouldn't go within 100 yards of a basketball court. On the other hand, if you're looking for us at a more diverse event, which is I think what you're getting at, or just in a generally social environment without a particular topic, direction, event, thing, then my analysis is probably more appropriate.

Thanks for the nice response @Mikros. Yours was actually one of the analyses I thought was good, I should've taken the time to mention that in my first post. Yes, INTJ's usually try their hardest to blend into the crowd and hide during functions that they've somehow been tricked or forced into attending.

You are unlikely to get their attention that way. I don't think @_William is actually serious about making this happen though, (s)he's just saying words.

 

[__William]

I think a problem we have here is what you mean by a crowd.

Like, at church, the mall, a restaurant, a party, et cetera. I'm trying to find some to broaden my knowledge of how they are in the real world where I live.

 

[lionandthelamb]

Like, at church, the mall, a restaurant, a party, et cetera. I'm trying to find some to broaden my knowledge of how they are in the real world where I live.

I'm not sure if other INTJ's would agree with me since I don't know that many INTJ's to give an accurate picture. I just know 2 others in real life who are similar to me in these areas.

I'm usually sitting with my family waiting for the church service to start. Everyone else around me is in different groups chatting away. So, I would be the one not talking to anyone. Maybe a brief smile or hello when I see someone that i know. Then I go back to observing as I wait for the service to start. If you see someone who is alone or in a group but doesn't blend in, not talking, or stands a bit behind the others so that the group standing in a small circle is not really a nice circle, he/she might be an INTJ.

I don't like to go shopping so I don't go to the mall unless I absolutely have to buy something.

In a restaurant, I'm usually with a small group of people, not more than 3 others who are close to me like my family or friends, so I'm more chatty. It's harder to detect since I tend to blend in like everyone else. If larger than 4 people in total, I'm quiet and I listen to what they are saying, or thinking about something else unless they happen to discuss a topic that is very interesting me.

At parties, I usually find one or two people to talk to at a quiet corner with a nice view of outside, or just good view of the room to see what everyone is doing. I avoid those people who are loud, overly expressive with their hands, face, emotions, etc. You won't find me in that group.

Hope this helps. :happy:

 

[lilysocks]

Are you quiet, or is that just a stereotype?

i'm either quiet or i'm the opposite. i'm perfectly comfortable saying nothing for long stretches of time, but anything that gets me engaged enough to speak up usually means i have something fairly comprehensive to say. in one-to-many conversations, you either get mini-dissertations from me, or one-liners.

multi-person conversations are like bus rides to me. i don't mind going along, but i'm perfectly happy just looking out the window most of the time. and i don't want to drive.

 

[sceptical mystic]

I guess my question is, in social settings, where can I find you guys?

Invalid question, INTJs avoid social settings.

 

[TranceMan]

In any general public setting, like a coffee shop or mall, I am usually avoiding the mass amounts of traffic, hanging off the edge of the 2nd floor of the mall and looking at everything, or just sitting in the back corner of the coffee shop reading articles in the newspaper/on my notebook. I've become better at spotting them and other types. I generalize/judge people based on some of their actions and make lists of things specific types tend to do.

It's not 100% accurate, but it's pretty darn close.

 

[andy969]

I think a problem we have here is what you mean by a crowd.

Good point.

Like, at church, the mall, a restaurant, a party, et cetera.

I'd like to elaborate. I don't avoid or feel awkward at all kinds of crowds. But I don't like and avoid crowds that require me to socialise and even enjoy it. I'm not anti-social, but I really don't like socialising in larger groups. This of course includes all kind of parties. Social events at work come to mind for example. I'm the guy that doesn't come at all or will be silently standing at the side (maybe talking to one person at a time). As I said before: It's actually really easy to spot me. I also don't like full (and loud) malls for example. They can really drain me. On the other hand, I like to go to concerts where I'm not forced to interact with lots of people and can just enjoy the music - no serious problems with that kind of crowd for me.

So I really don't avoid all kind of crowds per se. I only avoid crowds where I'm supposed to socialise with many people. If you want to get to know me, please talk to me one-on-one or in really small groups where ideally I already know all the people participating.

Are you quiet, or is that just a stereotype?

Yes, I am. I've always been the quiet guy. I speak very calm, too, and I really hate to raise my voice (can't remember ever doing so). If someone wants to hear what I have to say, I expect them to listen to me and shut up. So do I. So no need to raise my voice from my point of view.

 

[Mikros]

Like, at church, the mall, a restaurant, a party, et cetera. I'm trying to find some to broaden my knowledge of how they are in the real world where I live.

Yeahhh. This is still pretty vague. Church is a not a defined setting. I'm an active Orthodox Christian, and a chanter. Church is, for me, a workplace of sorts, and in any event, just on its face, a very different environment than the church environment of others. The mall... Let's just say that if and when I go to the mall, I'm on a mission, and liken myself to a very impatient driver while in traffic. I need to accomplish what I need to accomplish, and my personal excursion is aimed at completing the task in the shortest, most pain-free possible method. The 'on a mission' description applies. Restaurants I generally only visit with some purpose, but since I like food, this isn't so bad. Think dates, meetings, etc. Usually those uses dictate my behavior - the restaurant is irrelevant unless I find it too noisy. Parties. Yeah... Don't really have much to say on that one. I went to a party at my friend's house once a couple of months ago. I watched everyone else play Cards Against Humanity and get drunk while I read articles on my phone for rehabing my injured shoulder, then got some weird passive aggressive comments for not saying hello to two women that were there when I arrived.

I suppose the short answer is that I, and most of the INTJs I know, are generally impervious to our surroundings, and will leave if we find no purpose in our presence, or if we cannot carve out our own productive purpose while present in what is considered a social setting. We are observers, and therefore can become comfortable 'in' a crowd. This may be the key to all of this: INTJs can survive anywhere, but they are alone always - even in a crowd. We may have a crowd around us, but we aren't really 'in' the crowd. It's only when we are forced to be 'in' the crowd that we, I think, tend to reject it. It's almost a 3rd person/1st person thing. When we are able to simply view the crowd, we are just fine, and can even thrive, but direct engagement with others will drive us out because it will take us away from these things and force us into things in which we are uncomfortable and generally unskilled.

 

[SlytherinGreen]

It depends on the situation, but here's some general tips on spotting me if I am socializing publicly (it's rather uncommon - I'd much prefer wine and my best friend, an INTP, in one of our homes when I'm feeling sociable).

I'm not shy, but I'm not loud either. I do not like people who speak with shrill voices or who flail about demanding attention, so if you see those look for me as far away from them as possible. I do participate in conversations on the sides of rooms if they appeal to me - my eyes may gain a maniacal gleam when discussing science or philosophy. I can converse at length about many things as long as my partner is intelligent (no small talk!). I am fine with you disagreeing with me as long as you can prove you have a rational basis for your views. If bored, I will extricate myself at the most convenient opportunity. At obligatory events like work parties or family functions, you might spot a flat stare and a very slightly irritated turn to my mouth, but I can feign politeness well when necessary. I leave sooner rather than later.

If I'm somewhere like a bar or club, I probably have an ulterior motive or I'm there as a favor to a friend...I will be close to the alcohol, preferably with a good vantage point of the room. The more I drink the more willing I will be to dance (if you can call stomping my massive boots around dancing...). I do not like excessive PDAs or being touched by strangers, so no I'm not play-acting Britney Spears in the middle of the room.

Honestly, if you are trying to find an INTJ, you may fail. If I sense that I am being looked for, I might purposely avoid you ^_^;;

 

[HamsterSamurai]

Saw this thread a while ago and just had a thought about it today. The most common place for me to be seen outside of work and other specific on-a-mission activities is the coffee shop next to my house. Sometimes, I don't have anything planned, but I'm feeling a little more outdoorsy than my couch. So I go, order a nice little treat, and just chill for an hour or so. I'm not doing homework, I might be shopping(sshhh, don't look at my credit card) I'm probably just smiling to myself as I scroll through the humor section on Pinterest and plan some practical jokes. Or scowling intently as I try to decipher how to apply le makeup like a Glamour blogger. I'm probly not dressed like a total dump, in fact might be trying out a subtle Parisian inspired look. After all, this is my version of a night out(granted, it's 2 in the afternoon). Best method of approach is if I happen to be sitting in the comfy chair area, ask if you can sit here? Then chill. Let me see you as a kindred spirit. Bring an interesting magazine and let me see you reading it, like a smithsonian or national geographic, something well known so I recognize it. If at this point, you are getting good vibes and I look relaxed(probly wait until I'm giggling at something and not when I'm trying to covertly enter in my credit card info), ask if I've heard or read about a new topic/theory that there is an article on in the magazine you are reading.

 

[SirEthanTheSexy]

if we do happen to be in a group,we will most likely be the quiet one in the back with our head slightly tilted to the side

 

[AllisonDori]

Good luck...cuz we won't be in the crowd. we are the ones either backstage or at the entrance lol

 

[AllisonDori]

if we do happen to be in a group,we will most likely be the quiet one in the back with our head slightly tilted to the side

Exactly....cuz we probably don't want to be there depending on what it is

 

[starscream430]

We're probably the silent type that weaves through the masses. We also might possess a blank face since we are probably thinking about something important as we are making our way through the crowd :happy:.

 

[Top chisel]

I'm only in a crowd when necessary, or when a friend or family member forces me to be in one. One of my weaknesses is sensory overload that comes from overstimulation. If I spend more than about half an hour in a crowd, I suddenly have hyperactive Se and find myself unable to think clearly or ignore all the noise and commotion.

 

[dingo]

The title basically says it all.

How can an ENFP like me differentiate one of you guys from the rest? Do you guys typically have a thing you guys do, or something? I've only ever met one INTJ in my life so far (that I know of), and they seem pretty cool.

I guess my question is, in social settings, where can I find you guys? Who do you typically hang out with (personality type wise)? What do you usually talk about? What topics of conversation do you avoid? Are you quiet, or is that just a stereotype?

Any and all thoughts appreciated!

It sounds like you're asking two different questions. I'll try to answer both if I can.

The title suggests you want to identify INTJ's when you see them. This can be tricky, because on the surface all introverts with Thinking preferences can look quite similar.

Our demeanor can be a lot like that of an ISTJ: quiet, serious, maybe a little severe, with strong opinions and fairly intentional life choices. Our fashion choices may also be quite close, though INTJ's may be a little less likely to be seen in athletic wear. The best way to tell is to listen closely to the way the person speaks. ISTJ's tend to go for the more obvious ideas and solutions, whereas INTJ's scale back more in their thoughts, and will look at newer, weirder ideas.

ISTP's can in some cases be mistaken for INTJ's, as well. They're not shallow people at all, and they can be very strong-willed and dismissive of anything they think is dumb or useless. They also can be fairly open to weirder ideas. The distinction is that they won't come up with them on their own. Where an ISTP is all about practical application, an INTJ is interested in all stages of idea development: initial concepts, debugging, restating, applying, experimenting, etc. INTJ's are more interested in innovation.

INTP's are almost identical to INTJ's on the surface, especially when compared to other types. These two can fairly often be seen together, talking science, philosophy, gaming, music, etc. They're both weird types who are interested in originality, examination of tradition, and anything too obscure or weird to talk about with normal people. There are lots of deeper differences, but one is that INTJ's are wayyyy more practical. INTP's are not at all results-oriented, but rather process-oriented. INTJ's are more likely to take action, to speak up, and to take leadership than INTP's.

There are more tells, but I'll spare you for now.

Now, if you want to go out and find INTJ's...

This may be even more difficult, because honestly, INTJ's don't often want to be found. We don't seek out new relationships. We don't put ourselves in places where people will feel a license to approach us. Generally.

There are interesting exceptions. The most natural form of social interaction for an INTJ is intellectual discussion. If you happen to take a class with an INTJ, and he cares enough for the subject to raise questions and talk with colleagues, you'll likely know who you're dealing with. Follow up afterwards, asking for more thoughts (because there certainly are more).

Work is a tricky one. INTJ's tend to take boundaries pretty seriously, so you may get resistance if you try to initiate a friendship with an INTJ coworker. Maybe still worth a try.

INTJ's are sometimes attracted to art, music, and small business - things that get their thoughts and creativity going. If you come across one through those areas, it can form a basis for friendship, because it's something the INTJ is passionate about. Showing appreciation for what they do is a natural way to earn the trust and favor of an otherwise-aloof INTJ.

That's all I got.

 

[Obstructor]

Where do all intjs hang out

 

[prince_burns]

I prefer being in a crowd, but it wasn't always like that. I used to hate being in the crowd because I felt exposed to the chance someone would make conversation with me. But since I joined the army, my outlook on that shifted to a preference to be in a crowd because when you create a physical separation of yourself from the crowd, people from inside the crowd will try to recruit you, either because they feel sorry for you because you're on your own or because your presence outside the group offends them in the mode of thinking that you are too good for the group. When you are physically inside a large group, that group will have clusters of people facing each other. Its not necessary to communicate inside one of those clusters in order to avoid recruiters, so I'm either there, or I'm facing inward on one of those clusters if I heard a topic that interested me. So nobody would recognize me as an intj in a crowd. And that's on purpose.

Also, I have a tendancy to draw a crowd of sort of losers/idiots to myself and I love talking in that group for 2 reasons. 1) I look like a genius to them; and 2) I can talk about my own topics and ask my own questions without some other overbearing personality trying to dominate the dialogue.

 

[-Alpha-]

We're probably the silent type that weaves through the masses. We also might possess a blank face since we are probably thinking about something important as we are making our way through the crowd :happy:.

When I go to clubs, I sometimes admire how expertly I move through the crowd.