[Sunn]

The title basically says it all.

How can an ENFP like me differentiate one of you guys from the rest? Do you guys typically have a thing you guys do, or something? I've only ever met one INTJ in my life so far (that I know of), and they seem pretty cool.

I guess my question is, in social settings, where can I find you guys? Who do you typically hang out with (personality type wise)? What do you usually talk about? What topics of conversation do you avoid? Are you quiet, or is that just a stereotype?

Any and all thoughts appreciated!

You probably wouldn't catch me dead in a crowd unless it was with friends, then you wouldn't suspect I was an INTJ.

 

[cannamella]

Me in a crowd? If alone, I observe surroundings haha and think about anyone who could be my companion or just simply think about what could happpen next.

 

[Nexus6]

 

[yma]

1. If I'm in a crowd with a friend (something I have very few), I would feel safer to look people in the eye and walk more slowly.
2. If I'm alone in a crowd, I would stay on the periphery (like PoppaX said) avoid eye contact and walk faster (do what i have to and go back to a safe place).

I really like to talk about patterns of all kinds (mathematical, social, etc), so as I hate "small talk" It would be difficult for a stranger that I didn't choose to talk, to start a conversation (we usually choose people we want to talk).
So, if you find an INTJ, pay attention on the place he (or she) is, and try to talk about this giving an interesting point of view (no small talk).
Don't try to talk with our friend before talking to us, we will feel like our safe zone is in danger and will try to go away as soon as we can.

For exemple: If I am buying chocolates, you could say "I really like how chocolate increase our logical reasoning, what do you think?", or "have you noticed how those people move or talk, is like (...)", when talking to us try to look to the things you are talking about, so we'll analyze you better.
You have to keep in mind that we choose people we want to have any connection, so saying those things won't garantee anything, but.. is always better to try something, than not.

 

[Truth Advocate]

I don't have a set of predictable behaviors that could make me stand out in a crowd as an INTJ. In one crowd, I could be aloof and severe, and not talking to anyone. In another, I could laugh, touch people, lean in to the conversation attentively, display empathy and involvement, and look like an extrovert. And in another, I could be challenging people, frowning, etc. It all depends.

I think what would make me stand out as an INTJ would be the movement of my eyes, the context of conversation, the straightforward way in which I speak, the objective data I steer my conversations towards, and the habit of talking about things which I am not able to explain further.

 

[ScarlettHayden]

If you see someone who looks bored out of their mind, that's probably an INTJ.

 

[SleepyZan]

Look for the silent one with the hypnotic unblinking stare :wink: ... they may have a habit picking at their fingers as they gaze into the distance (almost like they're knitting). I knew several INTJs with that habit :tongue:

 

[Truth Advocate]

they may have a habit picking at their fingers as they gaze into the distance (almost like they're knitting). I knew several INTJs with that habit :tongue:

Yeah, I do that.

 

[Ephemerald]

Well, I used to be easy to spot in high school. I was the quiet loner.

Then I became more social, hovering around people, occasionally saying awkward things and cul-de-sacs.

Now I'm very confident. I can speak before a small group as easily as a large audience. Some anxiety, but manageable. However, I'm still prone to occasional, blunt insensitivity and odd etiquette. Otherwise my manners and experience (making an ass of myself) carry me pretty well. I'm familiar with social rituals and, well, manipulation of presentation for smooth socialization.

It's much harder to spot an INTJ as they move towards their 30s.

 

[Clyme]

The title basically says it all.

How can an ENFP like me differentiate one of you guys from the rest? Do you guys typically have a thing you guys do, or something? I've only ever met one INTJ in my life so far (that I know of), and they seem pretty cool.

I guess my question is, in social settings, where can I find you guys? Who do you typically hang out with (personality type wise)? What do you usually talk about? What topics of conversation do you avoid? Are you quiet, or is that just a stereotype?

Any and all thoughts appreciated!

First and foremost, don't look in crowds.

No, but seriously, many INTJs are very different. For me personally, I'm less inclined to be out places, and usually when I am, I don't like to interact with people much. No parties or social settings for me. That's not to say I'm unsociable, just that I don't choose those things usually. You're more likely to find me online than in person. The only place I think you'd find me is in a workplace.

 

[chanteuse]

One INTJ guy I met was in a group setting. He didn't know any of us therefore he was quiet the whole time.

However when we met again in subsequent group settings, he became more talkative and initiated leadership quality. I thought he was an extrovert. I had no idea he's an INTJ. The only give away was the way he talked to ppl; it was studied, not a natural talent.

The first time we went out one on one, he became quiet and observant. It was so different than his public persona that it made me very nervous.

What I am saying here is that not ALL INTJs are wall flowers or hermits. This guy made a great deal of effort to participate in group activities and to talk to ppl. I could tell sometimes ppl annoyed him but he soldiered on.

Why he does it? He does it because joining group activities (that he enjoys) is a sure fire way to meet women. He met all his girls friends from group hikes, kayak trips, and rock climbing weekends. It helps that he made efforts to chat up ppl and that he's really fit and good looking.

 

[bertINTJ]

These post depict a very socially awkward/inept person. INTJ(s) are of afraid crowds; I have no proclivity to being the "Center of Attention." However --as long as the group conversation is interesting to me. I can be very loquacious (Se/Te).

Supposedly, we are rare. But confident, moreover --engaging if you are interesting; we'll find you.

Also, only "chanteuse" seems to describe an INTJ correctly. I believe most of these other claimed INTJs have misconstrued their personality.

 

[fulgoreakuma]

look for the person who is just outside the edge of a crowd, straight poker face, and not talking to anyone. Bingo.

and if you can't find one, then dont be surprised. we dont like crowds.

however I like to push myself to become more Extroverted and Feeling, so sometimes ill try to sit in the middle of the class, or try to get inside crowds and be more social... usually though I fail terribly at it, so I end up back where I started. so yeah, stick to outside the crowds.

 

[chanteuse]

These post depict a very socially awkward/inept person. INTJ(s) are of afraid crowds; I have no proclivity to being the "Center of Attention." However --as long as the group conversation is interesting to me. I can be very loquacious (Se/Te).

Supposedly, we are rare. But confident, moreover --engaging if you are interesting; we'll find you.

Also, only "chanteuse" seems to describe an INTJ correctly. I believe most of these other claimed INTJs have misconstrued their personality.

Maybe these guys are in high school or college, still in a hermit mood trying to find identity.

My friend started to break out of his shell in medical school. He ramped up Se to become very sporty and fit (every muscle was defined, most impressive) and developed his own fashion sense. He started to do a lot of interesting things like riding motorcycle, rock climbing, and playing poker (he became a professional later). He used his intelligence to memorize a lot of pop culture references to aid his convo.

When I met him in his mid 30's, he was confident and capable in social settings (when he showed up) and always well groomed without being fussy.

It's a great deal of deliberation for him to have a public persona unlike a so called INTJ that is awkward, nerdy, and shy/stone faced.

What never changes is his propensity for alone time. He disappears for weeks and months at a time to be alone. This is also one of the reasons to cause his ex GFs' insecurity and relationship failure.

Every type can change but in essence we need to remain true, otherwise the break down is just a matter of time.

Anyhow the above is probably more suited under INTJ personal development thread.

 

[Disturbed one]

We'll be the ones waiting by the exit and looking irritated. We may be muttering something along the lines of "We were supposed to be leaving an hour ago"...!

Alternatively, we may have a small group around us while we enthusiastically explain astrophysics or the courtship of crocodiles. It is possible to turn the former example into the latter, if anybodies interested.

 

[feji]

I think that INTJs are very difficult to identify. Like myself, i Have developed certain pseudo social skills to get by.

To spot an INTJ i guess you have to be a part of a conversation with the person. They generally have a rather strong, even cynical view regarding seemingly every things.

Most common trait i think is the subtle or overt social detachment. The people who really aren't a part of the conversation, even though when they are participating. INTJs develop strategies to not get too involved in a group.

People who have a disinterested view about most normal things, but these attributes might be difficult to identify.

 

[FreyaLuna]

No matter how you try to spot us, we will spot you first.

 

[Obstructor]

One INTJ guy I met was in a group setting. He didn't know any of us therefore he was quiet the whole time.

However when we met again in subsequent group settings, he became more talkative and initiated leadership quality. I thought he was an extrovert. I had no idea he's an INTJ. The only give away was the way he talked to ppl; it was studied, not a natural talent.

The first time we went out one on one, he became quiet and observant. It was so different than his public persona that it made me very nervous.

What I am saying here is that not ALL INTJs are wall flowers or hermits. This guy made a great deal of effort to participate in group activities and to talk to ppl. I could tell sometimes ppl annoyed him but he soldiered on.

Why he does it? He does it because joining group activities (that he enjoys) is a sure fire way to meet women. He met all his girls friends from group hikes, kayak trips, and rock climbing weekends. It helps that he made efforts to chat up ppl and that he's really fit and good looking.

This is similar to how I am, minus the really fit and good looking part. First time I meet someone there is very little to say and I usually keep it quite brief, usually to slowly build my understanding of the individual so the conversations can be built properly.

I have absolutely zero natural ability to maintain conversation, it was entirely built through experience and reading How to win friends and influence people and Daring Greatly and studying personality theory and the neuroscience and social science behind it. Much Psychological knowledge and personality study has formed who I am in conversation. Trial and error and persistent awareness of the effects my actions have on the viability of conversation. You just keep experimenting until you succeed.

People: pretty much all of them annoy me to death, which drives me insane; as people are the only thing that will truly fulfill you in this silly life. So many people would classify me as a friend, and so many of those people bother me; I fear the damage I could cause to many people.

The sole reason I am social: "sure fire way to meet women." As so few are compatible you have to find a vast number to segregate and analyze; frequently you need to do this one at a time as the outside persona rarely matches up to who they actually are. Although you can find outward manifestations that imply certain traits.

You become very good at realizing micro expressions and social procedures, body language is very powerful indicator of everything and you become very good at reading it to discover true intentions. In the end it doesn't really do all that much good, the failures (or at least lack of success) greatly outnumber the successes.

 

[chanteuse]

@Obstructor

I know exactly what you talk about.

This friend is pretty much like you. The theory is: I am smarter than all of you therefore I can mimic you perfectly.

His public persona resembles an ENTP (without the natural charm). He is really good at studying ppl (Ni Te) and strategizing (he was a professional poker player for a time).

Ppl being taxing?! That is an understatement! My INTJ friend HAS TO disappear from time to time otherwise he'd go crazy. He said all his relationship failed partly due to his need for absolute seclusion (sorry honey you can't tag along and please don't call/text me).

His purpose of finding a loved one is to retire from group activities. Every time he's dating, we didn't see him until the relationship kaput. He'd rather do things with his girl than with a bunch of people even though he knows all of us.

BTW, good looking is subjective. I think he's good looking but it's just my opinion. Fit you can achieve. He works hard to get in tip top shape and maintains it all the time.

 

[Morn]

These post depict a very socially awkward/inept person. INTJ(s) are of afraid crowds; I have no proclivity to being the "Center of Attention." However --as long as the group conversation is interesting to me. I can be very loquacious (Se/Te).

That's not true... I like to be close to the centre of attention so I am fully aware of what is going on and can plan accordingly.
Additionally I find crowds comfortable. I live in Sydney Australia which is a big and busy city, I am used to people going about their business entirely ignoring each other. I love that I can be in a crowd of people and absolutely nobody takes notice of you. There is nothing more secure than a crowd of city people, I feel I could run down the street naked and nobody would care. In a big city introverted behaviour is normal, you're not expected to react to other people and people respect that you want privacy and want to be left alone to do your business.