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Discussion Starter #1
I'm curious about this.
Basically, I have issues with being very confused with my sexuality and don't understand what a crush or what love means etc.
I'd like to know how you tell what sexuality your are (how do you classify it?) and also how you would (if so inclined) start a pairing with you and a same sex person? how do you tell?
(you can tell I'm awkward asking, I sound like a robot XD)
 

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I don't bother with labelling my sexuality. I don't believe that you can classify it in concrete terms. I just go with the flow. As a general rule of thumb, I'm attracted to women sexually. However, I've man crushed and have kissed a man before (yes it's rather tame on my end lol). I don't know how to define myself apart from as a sexual being? Sorry, I know that's not much help lol.
 

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I'm curious about this.
Basically, I have issues with being very confused with my sexuality and don't understand what a crush or what love means etc.
I'd like to know how you tell what sexuality your are (how do you classify it?) and also how you would (if so inclined) start a pairing with you and a same sex person? how do you tell?
(you can tell I'm awkward asking, I sound like a robot XD)
I think you're in a much tougher situation than most of us.

Most straight people who pursuit someone have to worry about, if the person is single, and whether than person likes him. You have one additional question as to whether the person is gay.

I think you can try going to local hangout spots for gays, such as a gay bar. That would at least eliminate one unknown.

You can also try online dating. That would eliminate two unknowns, and you just have to worry about how to get the initial spark.

Hope this helps :D
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Thanks all! My main thing is I think I'm probably bisexual, but I'm not sure what a 'crush' is like etc. I don't have anyone in mind, but I just thought about it and realised I didn't know about any of it ><
Thanks for the replies, any more advice is great!
 

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I think the only way to know what your sexual preference is if you're confused is to date both. This will likely give you your answers. You will be more attracted to one sex than the other i would think. Then again i've never experienced having issues with my sexuality, so i'm really not much help, sorry.
 
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Just flirt with her. If she responds then she at least has some curiosity.. If she turns you down, hey at least you got some fun flirting in, right? Experimenting is the best way to figure yourself out, I think. Everything else is just a path to over-thinking. It's kind of like figuring out what you like in bed. If you're on the fence, try it.
 
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I'm not sure how you are socially (if you're very shy), but here are a few suggestions.

Look up local LGBTQ organizations in your area - volunteer groups, support groups, businesses, events, etc. Attend/get involved in these if you can.

I don't know if PlanetOut or other similar websites still exist, I'm sure they must, but when I was a teenager I was using those to look for friends (like a lot of social networking platforms it had options for you to say you're looking for a date or a fling or just a friend). Making some friends and then meeting up locally, you might find someone you like, or you might just make a friend and be introduced to other people and have the opportunity to find someone that way.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Thank you all very much for the replies :) I'm naturally quite good with people, but with relationships I freak out and get really anxious (been compared to the 'awkward nerd' stereotype alot).
 

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So I'm a bit confused by the fact that you say you don't know what a crush is or what love is, etc and people are telling you to flirt with someone. I am 100% hetero and I have been having crushes on boys/men since I was a pre-teen. Have you considered that you may be a demi-sexual? This doesn't mean that you aren't also bi-sexual or anything (I don't think) but could be why you don't really feel a sexual attraction.

Anyway, good luck to you!
 
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It helps quite a bit to know the other persons preference, or at least know that they don't consider themselves straight, naturally if you're not in a queer environment and the other person doesn't disclose it can make it tougher. In many ways it's easier for guys to pick up on the cues as women are generally more touchy-feely and freely make eye contact, whereas a guy doing that to another guy would typically be opening a door. Like mentioned getting involved with some kind of queer group and making some friends that you can talk to about these issues can help.

Once you know the other person is open to the idea it's just the same as anyone else in the world with flirting, dating and getting into a relationship ime.

And if you're confused about your sexuality my experience tells me it's not a theoretical subject, it's a practical, if it feels right bingo, if it doesn't try something else.


I am 100% hetero
This isn't being dismissive, but that experience can have a huge impact on any feelings of confusion someone has in regards to their sexuality, and their feelings to others. It's not always black and white in understanding things that seem straight forward to most when your view is completely left of center. The message you would have received from birth is you are A and you should be great friends with other As, and romantic with Bs. If someone is questioning if they're bisexual than that friend line is the part that can get blurred, what's natural affection between friends? what's romantic? what might I do that they would be uncomfortable with? And so on.
 
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This isn't being dismissive, but that experience can have a huge impact on any feelings of confusion someone has in regards to their sexuality, and their feelings to others. It's not always black and white in understanding things that seem straight forward to most when your view is completely left of center. The message you would have received from birth is you are A and you should be great friends with other As, and romantic with Bs. If someone is questioning if they're bisexual than that friend line is the part that can get blurred, what's natural affection between friends? what's romantic? what might I do that they would be uncomfortable with? And so on.
Yes, I can see where that would be the case. But my point was that I have experiencing crushes since I was 12 - it doesn't matter if the crushes were on boys or girls really for my point. The OP mentions not feeling crushes or attraction or anything for boys or girls regardless of whether or she acts on her feelings. I just think maybe she should explore Demi-sexuality.
 
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Yes, I can see where that would be the case. But my point was that I have experiencing crushes since I was 12 - it doesn't matter if the crushes were on boys or girls really for my point. The OP mentions not feeling crushes or attraction or anything for boys or girls regardless of whether or she acts on her feelings. I just think maybe she should explore Demi-sexuality.
That's what I was getting at. How do you know if you really like someone as a friend would, or if you're into them if you know they're straight and don't know if you are. You may be right, I'm just saying I can understand the not really knowing if you crush on someone or just admire them, the relationships I had when I was a teen, both with girls and boys were generally me just going with the flow of them wanting me while having no idea what I actually wanted. I could even relate to the term demisexual, however I am so very not, I just needed to know where I stood. Course that was a long time ago now.
 
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Discussion Starter #14
It helps quite a bit to know the other persons preference, or at least know that they don't consider themselves straight, naturally if you're not in a queer environment and the other person doesn't disclose it can make it tougher. In many ways it's easier for guys to pick up on the cues as women are generally more touchy-feely and freely make eye contact, whereas a guy doing that to another guy would typically be opening a door. Like mentioned getting involved with some kind of queer group and making some friends that you can talk to about these issues can help.

Once you know the other person is open to the idea it's just the same as anyone else in the world with flirting, dating and getting into a relationship ime.

And if you're confused about your sexuality my experience tells me it's not a theoretical subject, it's a practical, if it feels right bingo, if it doesn't try something else.




This isn't being dismissive, but that experience can have a huge impact on any feelings of confusion someone has in regards to their sexuality, and their feelings to others. It's not always black and white in understanding things that seem straight forward to most when your view is completely left of center. The message you would have received from birth is you are A and you should be great friends with other As, and romantic with Bs. If someone is questioning if they're bisexual than that friend line is the part that can get blurred, what's natural affection between friends? what's romantic? what might I do that they would be uncomfortable with? And so on.
This is definately a problem with me. I kept dating friends, thinking I liked them properly, but it was either respect, fun or just because they asked (not healthy reasons to date, hence 8 failed relationships and no serious ones, plus some abuse from one or two bfs).
I've never dated a girl either, because I keep saying I'm not gay or anything, because I can't tell if I am and should know. (apparently if you feel love/attraction you'll know, but I can't tell).
I also find when it comes to anything sexual I zone out and don't feel like I'm actually there. I've had sex, but didn't even really remember it because of this. It's only happened since my first relationship (aged 14) with a very abusive man a fair bit older than me.
Thanks for the advice :)

Yes, I can see where that would be the case. But my point was that I have experiencing crushes since I was 12 - it doesn't matter if the crushes were on boys or girls really for my point. The OP mentions not feeling crushes or attraction or anything for boys or girls regardless of whether or she acts on her feelings. I just think maybe she should explore Demi-sexuality.
Yeah, that's the thing that always confused me. My friends and my twin sister have all experienced crushes at some point, but I haven't. I just feel like I want to be close to someone, someone asks me out and I say yes without thinking then realise I feel vulnerable and scared around them and have had that feeling reinforced, sadly, by emotional bullies.
What is Demisexual? :eek: Thanks!
 

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Yeah, that's the thing that always confused me. My friends and my twin sister have all experienced crushes at some point, but I haven't. I just feel like I want to be close to someone, someone asks me out and I say yes without thinking then realise I feel vulnerable and scared around them and have had that feeling reinforced, sadly, by emotional bullies.
What is Demisexual? :eek: Thanks!
OMG I would crack under the pressure of trying to really define it for you. Here is a link to get you started. Demisexual - AVENwiki

There are some really good threads about it on this forum. Do a search and then start your own thread if you still have questions.

Just know that you aren't weird or abnormal. We all fall somewhere on a spectrum of normal.
 
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OMG I would crack under the pressure of trying to really define it for you. Here is a link to get you started. Demisexual - AVENwiki

There are some really good threads about it on this forum. Do a search and then start your own thread if you still have questions.

Just know that you aren't weird or abnormal. We all fall somewhere on a spectrum of normal.
That was really helpful, thank you :)
Yeah, demisexual seems to make sense. I only feel any degree of attraction when I know someone. I can feel curious about people I've just met, but never attracted. I only slept with one guy and I'd chatted and been around him alot before hand, so there was some attraction.

I do find I actually lose most attraction after sexual encounters most of the time. Is that also demisexual?
(not always, but pretty much always).
 

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This is definately a problem with me. I kept dating friends, thinking I liked them properly, but it was either respect, fun or just because they asked (not healthy reasons to date, hence 8 failed relationships and no serious ones, plus some abuse from one or two bfs).
I've never dated a girl either, because I keep saying I'm not gay or anything, because I can't tell if I am and should know. (apparently if you feel love/attraction you'll know, but I can't tell).
I also find when it comes to anything sexual I zone out and don't feel like I'm actually there. I've had sex, but didn't even really remember it because of this. It's only happened since my first relationship (aged 14) with a very abusive man a fair bit older than me.
Thanks for the advice :)


Yeah, that's the thing that always confused me. My friends and my twin sister have all experienced crushes at some point, but I haven't. I just feel like I want to be close to someone, someone asks me out and I say yes without thinking then realise I feel vulnerable and scared around them and have had that feeling reinforced, sadly, by emotional bullies.
What is Demisexual? :eek: Thanks!
This is near exactly what I experienced before I realized I was aromantic. I do not get crushes on people or fall in love. I've tried having romantic relationships in the past, but they've always left me feeling uncomfortable. Perhaps you are aromantic or somewhere on the aromantic spectrum? link to AVEN page on aromanticism
 
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This is near exactly what I experienced before I realized I was aromantic. I do not get crushes on people or fall in love. I've tried having romantic relationships in the past, but they've always left me feeling uncomfortable. Perhaps you are aromantic or somewhere on the aromantic spectrum? link to AVEN page on aromanticism
I don't think I'm aromantic, because I have wanted relationships, I just freak out and run when they happen or get close to happening, I'm not really sure why >>; I think grey-A/demisexual sounds quite likely, but I'm not very up to date on these things XD Thanks :)
 
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