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Discussion Starter #1
As many of these threads and blog posts I've seen, and read, I am still at a loss. Probably a lot to do with my own ineptitude to move a conversation past small talk. Still I've read a lot of advice that a) INTPs can talk a lot about what they like and b) they don't care for small talk. This girl has those traits. But how do you sneak past the small talk to find out what an INTP likes, especially when they don't say much over text? Do you guys like it when people are straight with you? As in just simply asking, what do you like to do? I've known this girl for a while but due to distance I haven't talked to her face to face in a long time. Feels like I am starting over things.

Reason I ask is because I am skyping with an INTP female on Sunday and have no how idea it's going to go. Anything to keep in mind, watch for, play off of, particularly pertaining to INTPs?
 

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When talking to INTPs, make sure to always cover your teeth with your lips. We really hate seeing teeth; we find them quite offensive really. It is also very important to lick your lips after every third word, though if you forget we will tolerate every seventh. We also have rules regarding talking in text form. You must say "lol" after every second sentence, and you may only use emoticons with brackets (;[, for example). We prefer purple colored font if possible, but we understand some mediums will not allow this.

Sneaking past small talk is difficult, as it is a very vigilant fellow. I suggest going barefoot and wearing colors that blend in with the environment. Remain aware as you tiptoe past, because if small talk catches you in its lair, it will most certainly bite your lips off (and then you will never be able to talk to an INTP).

I enjoy when people are straight with me, except when I prefer them to be gay with me. This is very tricky, as my and all other INTP's sexual preferences change at the drop of a hat. Seriously, don't drop your hat if it seems like you are getting somewhere with her; she will most definitely turn into a lesbian (though I suppose you could just drop your hat again, but after too many drops of a hat we get a wee bit cranky).

Personally, I like to annoy people on forums, eat cheese, and drink beer, though there is no guarantee this girl is into beer. She may like wine, and she may be lactose intolerant.

Above all, be yourself and stop asking INTPs how to talk to/flirt with/bang INTPs.
 

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A lot of my conversations with INTPs start off with some kind of social commentary. I say something like, "My friends believe X, but I'm having doubts about that view. Do you think that's weird?" They say something like, "Yeah, most people believe X, but then most people are stupid. What made you question it?" I explain my view, and then we usually have an interesting conversation where we slowly reveal our objections to the way society is setup, and how we deal with it.

The trick is that you don't really want to engage in small talk. You want to hint that you can see how much of what people say, actually communicates nothing at all.

Another thing that works well is just doing the opposite of what you'd normally do in a social situation. Normally, you greet people politely, and then talk about stuff you're not really all that interested in because it's what you're supposed to discuss.

Instead, with an INTP... you don't offer a greeting or only a short/lazy one, and start talking about some geeky interest you'd normally be ashamed to share. For instance, launch right into talking about philosophical views, interest in psychology, history, video games you like, etc, and ask them what they think about those subjects after stating your opinion.

Sounds strange, but it really works.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
^Now I'm debating whether I should have posted this in the INFJ board. Thanks for the advice. Could start off by talking about use and implication of small talk. Someone started that conversation with me once and it was interesting.

*Snip*Snip*

Personally, I like to annoy people on forums, eat cheese, and drink beer, though there is no guarantee this girl is into beer. She may like wine, and she may be lactose intolerant.

Above all, be yourself and stop asking INTPs how to talk to/flirt with/bang INTPs.
As funy as that was the "be yourself" get's me. Since at face value it disregards any self improvement that may be needed. For me I need to improve social skills especially since I don't meet people, people meet me; as I didn't have control over the meeting. So when it comes to getting to know someone by my own choice it's hard. I thought since this girl is an INTP I could ask for advice from other like minded people.

P.S. if I colored my teeth purple would I be allowed to show them.
 

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begin first impressions using deadpan humor and/or a bad joke.
 

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A lot of my conversations with INTPs start off with some kind of social commentary. I say something like, "My friends believe X, but I'm having doubts about that view. Do you think that's weird?" They say something like, "Yeah, most people believe X, but then most people are stupid. What made you question it?" I explain my view, and then we usually have an interesting conversation where we slowly reveal our objections to the way society is setup, and how we deal with it.

The trick is that you don't really want to engage in small talk. You want to hint that you can see how much of what people say, actually communicates nothing at all.

Another thing that works well is just doing the opposite of what you'd normally do in a social situation. Normally, you greet people politely, and then talk about stuff you're not really all that interested in because it's what you're supposed to discuss.

Instead, with an INTP... you don't offer a greeting or only a short/lazy one, and start talking about some geeky interest you'd normally be ashamed to share. For instance, launch right into talking about philosophical views, interest in psychology, history, video games you like, etc, and ask them what they think about those subjects after stating your opinion.

Sounds strange, but it really works.
I feel like you just wrote up a boss strategy for how to defeat us.
The weird thing is, I think that would work pretty well. Especially the part about you stating your opinion first since we like to size people up before offering our thoughts.
 

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I always come to my INTP with a thought or observation about the world like "hey. So and so did this thing today that I don't understand. Why do people behave so randomly sometimes?"

My advice would be the same as most NTs. Start with an idea as opposed to "Hey, what's up?" Give the conversation meaning and depth and they'll be interested. ENTJ/Ps might be different, as I know I'm a little more receptive to just fluff talk for the sake of being social.
 
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Some good suggestions in this thread. I wish some of the people who wanted to speak to me would read 'em. And colouring your teeth purple is a step in the right direction but then they'd also need a cloak, a crown and their own theme song.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Yea I'm really glad I asked this even afters seeing other threads on the subject. I haven't seen these suggestions before and they are very helpful. I also don't care to much for small talk but use it because I can't think of anything else to say. Socially my mind shoots blanks. Nice to have some ideas to try when talking to someone else who doesn't care for small talk either.


Some good suggestions in this thread. I wish some of the people who wanted to speak to me would read 'em. And colouring your teeth purple is a step in the right direction but then they'd also need a cloak, a crown and their own theme song.
Time to pull out some Violet Beauregard; I need an Oompa Loompa.
 

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A friend of mine always starts a conversation with me by text with some kind of a formal notification, before starting the actual chatting.

Fictious example:

"I recieved an e-mail from the Uni and thought I'd pass it on for you. If you have time to check your e-mail, can you tell me what do you think of it?"

"[my answer, a positive one]"

"Okay. Thanks.

So how are you doing?"


Some day I'm just going to tell her, "You do know you can always start a conversation with me whenever you want? It doesn't have to be always some kind of a notify or a question about studies or anything else.

If you want to chat with me just go ahead."


I think she might believe that starting a conversation with something mundane smalltalk like, "Hi! How was the weekend?" is almost forbidden for her.
(And yeah, she does feel like an INTP or an INTJ.)

It's a shame really, I'd like to talk with her more often, but I can't be starter of all of the conversations. I usually start a conversation with her a few times, then I just stop to wait for her move. Whether it takes weeks or months, it always takes time, but everytime she starts the conversation, it's something more or less formal.

Yes.. This is the same girl who asked me for the lunch date but then stopped texting when we agreed to meet and I were asking when and where to meet specifically.
 

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Well...you're been given some good advice here.
My tips for you:

-About avoiding small talk and going directly to 'interesting' topics: Don't try too hard or she will see right through you. I know I would ('this guy is trying sooo hard to look interesting'). I think this may depend on the age of the girl and her maturity because honestly, there's a point in life when you realize there is nothing wrong with asking someone how are they doing or what did they do during the weekend. You're not betraying your sense of self or anything. That being said, don't spend too long with those questions anyway. But don't disregard them outright because maybe the answer to those inane questions may lead you both to an interesting conversation.
-Act the way you'd act if you were in front of her in person. The potential awkwardness may be more genuine and 'cute', in a way.

-Don't place yourself too close to the webcam. The girl may want to see a bit more than your face taking up the whole screen. It's awful, people look almost deformed. Your mannerisms and probably what's behind you will be scrutinized, but you've got to take the risk ;) I'd suggest to place yourself in front of something that you may think could catch her attention (I don't know, a cool poster you have in your room, maybe?)

-Be direct. Political correctedness isn't for the INTP. Don't play diplomat because, again, she'll see right through it.

All those tips aside, there will be no advice good enough if you just don't 'click'. Good luck!


Edited multiple times because dammit, I can't type properly
 

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As funy as that was the "be yourself" get's me. Since at face value it disregards any self improvement that may be needed. For me I need to improve social skills especially since I don't meet people, people meet me; as I didn't have control over the meeting. So when it comes to getting to know someone by my own choice it's hard. I thought since this girl is an INTP I could ask for advice from other like minded people.

P.S. if I colored my teeth purple would I be allowed to show them.
Do you want self-improvement advice?
First: remember you are a subject, not an object. Be in the active tense. Do things. Meet people. Verb objects.
Second: stop worrying about what she (or anybody you interact with, really) is interested in and be more selfish. what are YOU interested in? What do YOU like to do? What do you find pleasurable, enchanting, cool, weird? Be generous too: share those parts of you, those objects you verbed.

Purple teeth are acceptable on weekends and holidays.
 

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Tell them that only your mind exists and that the INTP is just something you imagined and thus as a construct have no human rights and that you don't need the law to tell you what is good and what is bad and that freedom and choice is the only thing that matters rather than shallow things like claims made from experience and external accountability. All in one breath and in one hastily spoken sentence.

Then punch them in the balls. Because that was the logical conclusion and INTPs love instant logic.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
Coming here for advice on social skills is akin to going to an auto mechanic to get your teeth cleaned.
Ha, kind of funny. Was kind of thinking I was going to source though, since I was trying to talk to an INTP. Don't you guys know how you want to be talked to? Or do you not want to be talked to?


I think it would be more appropriate to start a thread on How to Not Talk to an INTP.
I may do that. I don't think I need to anymore but it could give some interesting response.
 
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