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I have only met him a handful of times. The first time he asked me a lot of questions to try and get to know me. He did not come off as shy. He then found me on social media and added me. The second time I met him, he greeted me but avoided me. He was the opposite of how I first met him. I had go find him to have a short conversation. where he seemed shy. Then I thought I was never going to see him again. However, he started showing up to a place I go to weekly with a friend he knows. When I saw him he was not shy. He was acting like the first time I met him. We did not get to talk for more than a few minutes. I saw him again a week later and a group of us went out for dinner. I noticed that he chatted with me or as a group, but did not ask any questions. He did talk to my friends and asked them some questions. I would think if he was interested in me he would have tried to talk to me more and not them? At the very end we left together and he asked me a few basic questions that he had asked me the first time we met. I know he didn’t forget because he asked me a follow up question about one of them the second time we met. It didn’t seem like he was avoiding me, but didn’t seem like he was making a big effort to try to be around me more than others this time. He views every story I post on social media. Never comments or reaches out, but always watches.
AFAIK my INTJ friends like to stalk the girls they like via social media, nothing alarming just ur public stuff that ur showing the world, him looking at all ur social media posts and adding u immediately is no accident.
They tend to like to research, gather data from a far etc before they make a move coz inferior Se leads to performance anxiety.

The better question to ask is whether u like him? Coz u can actually do something about this. Speculating about whether he likes u is pointless coz it’s out of ur control.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
AFAIK my INTJ friends like to stalk the girls they like via social media, nothing alarming just ur public stuff that ur showing the world, him looking at all ur social media posts and adding u immediately is no accident.
They tend to like to research, gather data from a far etc before they make a move coz inferior Se leads to performance anxiety.

The better question to ask is whether u like him? Coz u can actually do something about this. Speculating about whether he likes u is pointless coz it’s out of ur control.
I would be interested to get to know them more, but from my last interaction he seemed more interested in my friend (we are newly friends, so don't know each other that well). and asking them questions than me. Seemed like he was trying to get to know her. He didn't really try to engage me in conversation. Maybe that is normal behavior?
 

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INTJ (Ni-T) | 1w9 sp/so 135
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I can't say that this applies to other people, but I'll share my own experiences here.

If I find someone interesting, I would definitely want to know more about them. The information they provided during casual conversations are limiting, so it's natural for me to gather more data about this person from other places or people. It isn't necessary for me to actively engage in a conversation just to understand someone, I can always collect useful information by other means. Social medias, type of friends they hang out with, and some other relevant things, the more these aspects can tell about that person, the more I'm interested in them. This whole process is usually stirless and unnoticeable to others, so some people may feel surprised or even creeped out when I know something about them despite having little to zero interactions with them. But I gotta admit, the way I use social medias is quite similar to what @ENTJudgement said. I feel like I'm a stalker, just without any ill intentions.

My own speculation to your new INTJ friend's behaviour is that he's now gathering information about you, or someone else in your group, hence friends around the person he's interested in may unknowingly serve as his informants. I couldn't tell who exactly he's interested in based on this post, so I would suggest paying attention to what he's asking to identify that.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I can't say that this applies to other people, but I'll share my own experiences here.

If I find someone interesting, I would definitely want to know more about them. The information they provided during casual conversations are limiting, so it's natural for me to gather more data about this person from other places or people. It isn't necessary for me to actively engage in a conversation just to understand someone, I can always collect useful information by other means. Social medias, type of friends they hang out with, and some other relevant things, the more these aspects can tell about that person, the more I'm interested in them. This whole process is usually stirless and unnoticeable to others, so some people may feel surprised or even creeped out when I know something about them despite having little to zero interactions with them. But I gotta admit, the way I use social medias is quite similar to what @ENTJudgement said. I feel like I'm a stalker, just without any ill intentions.

My own speculation to your new INTJ friend's behaviour is that he's now gathering information about you, or someone else in your group, hence friends around the person he's interested in may unknowingly serve as his informants. I couldn't tell who exactly he's interested in based on this post, so I would suggest paying attention to what he's asking to identify that.
Can you give me some examples of question? I don’t think he asked many this last time. Except I brought up a couple of things in our convo and he asked me a couple of questions one was about where I lived which he already knew the answer too, so not for sure why he asked it.
 

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INTJ (Ni-T) | 1w9 sp/so 135
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Can you give me some examples of question? I don’t think he asked many this last time. Except I brought up a couple of things in our convo and he asked me a couple of questions one was about where I lived which he already knew the answer too, so not for sure why he asked it.
Truth be told, I was expecting you to list down some of the examples he asked before. I can't think of any right now, because as an outsider, I can't really guess what you guys have talked about without sufficient information. If you could recall any of his questions to your friends, feel free to write them down with more input.

Asking for someone's home location could be an icebreaker question, but asking it with an answer in mind may denote his attempt to validate the information, or perhaps he's secretly intrigued with your reactions. His actions can be interpreted as his liking to you, but it might not be the case everytime. Body language or inotation can be helpful to distinguish someone's intentions/motives, but sometimes these underlying aspects are bewildering and vague (some people are good actors, ya know). So if you trust your friends enough, you might as well discuss with them and see how they view this guy.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Truth be told, I was expecting you to list down some of the examples he asked before. I can't think of any right now, because as an outsider, I can't really guess what you guys have talked about without sufficient information. If you could recall any of his questions to your friends, feel free to write them down with more input.

Asking for someone's home location could be an icebreaker question, but asking it with an answer in mind may denote his attempt to validate the information, or perhaps he's secretly intrigued with your reactions. His actions can be interpreted as his liking to you, but it might not be the case everytime. Body language or inotation can be helpful to distinguish someone's intentions/motives, but sometimes these underlying aspects are bewildering and vague (some people are good actors, ya know). So if you trust your friends enough, you might as well discuss with them and see how they view this guy.
Here are some examples of questions he asked the first time we met:

-What are your hobbies?
-Asked more questions about hobbies
-What do you do for work?
-Where do you work?
-Where are you from?

Questions that he asked my friend:

-Did you pick up any new hobbies during the pandemic?
-What are you studying in school and why did you choose that?

The times that we have met, there are always other people around so it is not really like we are chatting with just us. It did feel like that a bit the first time though because he was mainly talking to me.
 

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Crush on you is a hard one. INTJs hide it well typically, if they intend to. All the questions you listed seem normal.

Don't have any other information to go off of.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Crush on you is a hard one. INTJs hide it well typically, if they intend to. All the questions you listed seem normal.

Don't have any other information to go off of.
What would be a question that would not be normal then? Not for sure if you were able to read my description. Are there any typical signs?
 

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So, being at a place where you'll be is not something that's a slip up. INTJ actions and being places are pretty well planned. So if he wasn't there before and is suddenly coincidentally being a place you'll be, that's a pretty good sign? Avoidance and even avoiding overly much, almost backfiring seeming disinterested, is not uncommon.
He may be observing you. Indirectly. What were the follow up questions.. (intjs don't generally forget conversations, so there's a chance they were trying to direct the convo to a certain place) (?)

Did he take the initiative to walk out with you?
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
How do you know he was avoiding you? How did the brief interactions you mentioned break off?
Maybe this isn't avoiding, but you can decide. So when he first met he did not seem shy. The second time I saw him he walked right past me. Looked at me, said Hi but then kept walking. Never once came up to me to talk. I had to go up to him and he seemed shy or nervous. He did ask me a question in reference to what we had previously talked about the first time we met, but he didn't ask anything else. He then ended the convo, as we were playing a get to know you game and he said.."Well, I am going to continue playing". I originally thought he was avoiding because he wasn't interested, but then weeks later shows up to a place I regularly go to.

The first time he said it was nice to meet me. The second time I think it was just "I think I'll get going" he didn't really say much. Last time I don't remember what he said if it was bye or something like that.

I could be way wrong on all of this and reading too much into it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
So, being at a place where you'll be is not something that's a slip up. INTJ actions and being places are pretty well planned. So if he wasn't there before and is suddenly coincidentally being a place you'll be, that's a pretty good sign? Avoidance and even avoiding overly much, almost backfiring seeming disinterested, is not uncommon.
He may be observing you. Indirectly. What were the follow up questions.. (intjs don't generally forget conversations, so there's a chance they were trying to direct the convo to a certain place) (?)

Did he take the initiative to walk out with you?

First two times no because I had to stay at the event longer than him. The last three times, yes we did leave together. One of the follow up questions what in regards to a sports team from my home state and how they were doing. To which I said I did not know because I don't watch and I think that is how the convo ended.
 

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INTJ (Ni-T) | 1w9 sp/so 135
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I agree that INTJs tend to hide their feelings pretty well. If not externalized, most people won't even be noticing their subtle approaches.

Here are some examples of questions he asked the first time we met:

-What are your hobbies?
-Asked more questions about hobbies
-What do you do for work?
-Where do you work?
-Where are you from?

Questions that he asked my friend:

-Did you pick up any new hobbies during the pandemic?
-What are you studying in school and why did you choose that?

The times that we have met, there are always other people around so it is not really like we are chatting with just us. It did feel like that a bit the first time though because he was mainly talking to me.
Most are indeed normal conversations, but I notice the "why" in some questions, especially in hobbies and study field. He can definitely extract something he deemed as interesting/useful from people behind those ordinary questions.

Putting his somewhat avoidant attitude aside (since it's common for some people to avoid their crushes), showing himself at a place you go frequently is where you can start. Being there coincidentally with you is very unlikely for him, so I would suggest approaching and asking why he's also there (but try not to express your suspicions) if you haven't tried it before. Awkward situations or normal answers are to be expected, but what we need to focus on is his facial expressions.
 

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AFAIK my INTJ friends like to stalk the girls they like via social media, nothing alarming just ur public stuff that ur showing the world, him looking at all ur social media posts and adding u immediately is no accident.
They tend to like to research, gather data from a far etc before they make a move coz inferior Se leads to performance anxiety.
Intel gathering is such an Ni-dom move. 🤣
 

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If he's met you twice and hasn't tried to get your number or contact then I'd say he's not interested. My INTJ husband knew he wanted me the second he saw me, he met me again and got my number and scheduled a dinner date with me for the next weekend. They don't play around lol
 

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I would say:
1) DON'T look for an INTJ's facial expressions to figure him out!
Most of the time you'll get nothing! On the rare occasion they will show something it might be unrelated directly to the situation. They may play out some scenario in their head and react to that instead to what you said. They may react to the fact that they are not comfortable to talk about a topic in this environment, instead to what you said. Their reactions are internal, Fe dom have a really hard problem with this. Like, you may say to them that someone died and they may chuckle because the situation reminds them of a dark joke. Fi doms can read it, but they can only guess what the reaction means.

2) There is no general pattern to how an INTJ might engage. He will probably be very direct when he decides to act. But INTs are bad at acting. There are stories about people that liked each other but didn't have a relationship because they didn't knew that the other person liked them. Types like INTJs, INTPs, INFPs tend to be those people. He might observe you for years and never make a move.

3?! ) He will be very uncomfortable making a move in a public place. Ask him to go on a walk somewhere where you will have privacy. Figure out if he has a girlfriend, but not directly. Ask him if someone knows that he is there. Maybe ask him if he is in a hurry, like if someone will be looking for him, if he doesn't return for a long time. Get him into abstract topics to make him comfortable, for example ask him about his stance on anti-cannibalism. If he doesn't run, he is yours.

Take the 3rd advice with a pinch of salt. Maybe add a little ketchup too.
 

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INTJ (Ni-T) | 1w9 sp/so 135
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1) DON'T look for an INTJ's facial expressions to figure him out!
Most of the time you'll get nothing! On the rare occasion they will show something it might be unrelated directly to the situation. They may play out some scenario in their head and react to that instead to what you said. They may react to the fact that they are not comfortable to talk about a topic in this environment, instead to what you said. Their reactions are internal, Fe dom have a really hard problem with this. Like, you may say to them that someone died and they may chuckle because the situation reminds them of a dark joke. Fi doms can read it, but they can only guess what the reaction means.
Giggling at something random despite having a serious topic? This out-of-sync reaction, in my opinion, is merely a sign of poor social skills. I don't see how this example supports the main point.

Intention itself does not reflect a successful disguise. There are people who are convinced that their true emotions are well hidden behind their subjectively flawless pretense, but in reality, the others have already seen through their ludicrous act (they just decide not to expose). Expressionless is not equivalent to emotionlessness, and facial expressions isn't the sole indicator of social cues, hence this option shouldn't be immediately crossed out just because someone is less expressive.


2) There is no general pattern to how an INTJ might engage. He will probably be very direct when he decides to act. But INTs are bad at acting. There are stories about people that liked each other but didn't have a relationship because they didn't knew that the other person liked them. Types like INTJs, INTPs, INFPs tend to be those people. He might observe you for years and never make a move.
The first sentence mentioned that there's no pattern of INTJs, but the following explanations are all about how INTJs tend to behave. Truth be told, I find this statement contradicting.
 

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Many years ago [40+] I would go into panic mode when a stranger female would approach me
if a INTJ is interested in you and you think he likes you you must be the aggressor
at a young age we are terrified of rejection by the opposite gender
rejection=failure on our part and failure is not an option due to our drive for perfection
we seldom make the first move and will not ask you out for a date
plus we are totally clueless to know if some one likes us
if you are flirting with us we might think ‘’what the fuck is wrong with this person’s🤔

edit- as you see by the above responses we over think everything and are anal retentive as fuck😳
moi being older has learned how to interact and read others
hence knowing how to communicate in non technical terms
 
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