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I know I have posted about this a few months ago – but now that I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost a year, I am thinking through my pros and cons of being with her. For the most part, she is excellent. We have a lot of fun together. She is the kindest and most supportive woman I have ever dated in my life. She is funny and caring. She isn’t a control freak. Her attitude is “as long as I get to spend time with you”. We haven’t gotten into a fight yet. I think it is more so her than me. She has even said recently that she can’t think of anything wrong about me. I know I can be opinionated and abrasive – and I’m pretty sure I’ve been like that around her in the past. However, she is just appreciative the whole way through. I had exes where we used to fight like cat-and-dog, but we also had positive sparks more often than not. I’ve had some exes who were control freaks and I resisted/escaped. My girlfriend’s MBTI is ESFJ. I had her take the test and she said that the result fit her to a tee.

My entire immediate family has met my girlfriend already and they love her. They have welcomed her with open arms in ways which I have never seen with any of my exes. I see that she is good at making people feel welcome herself and she does care a lot about my family. They see that in her and reciprocate. While at least one of my other exes saw my family as more so an inconvenience.

This pandemic has not helped things out at all. Some people are incredibly terrified of the coronavirus. My girlfriend is one of them. That alone has not hurt things, I can understand. However, the issue is more so that our activities are limited now because we don’t live in the same house. We make things work and see each other in her backyard at least once a week, but things are definitely not the same as they used to be – like a lot of other things. I am okay with this arrangement given the situation. I am just adding this here because I’m wondering if that is partially what is causing me to lose interest in her subconsciously. With that said, I might be allowed to hug her next weekend. Up to her. This is not a con.

I am trying to decide whether she is long-term or if my dream girl is somewhere else. Things overall are great, but I feel like something is missing and I think it has to do with three factors. I haven’t brought any of these concerns to her for the record.

1.) She is very sheltered. My girlfriend went local for college and never really branched out from home. There isn’t much she has done except whatever she does with her family. She is open to exploring/trying new things with me. However, she is so tied to her family and doesn’t have much of a sense of independence. I think her family is awesome but my girlfriend doesn’t branch out on her own. She didn’t even have a desire to go away for college. Even with me and when we’re away from her parents, I feel like the natural state is for her to depend on me. I am hoping this is something that changes if we decide to move in together.

2.) She is plain. She is nice looking and very cute. However, she doesn’t use her appearance to its full potential. Sometimes, she dresses more like her mom than a typical woman her age. To be fair, there is a specific look and style that turns me on – I mentioned this concern to one or two people close to me and they didn’t get why I cared. She doesn’t wear makeup and never gets her nails done. She works with her family and never needs to dress up professionally. I feel like she doesn’t turn me on most of the time. We have a very affectionate relationship but we haven’t had sex yet. It’s kind of awkward given her situation in point #1. Not anticipating sex until the day we end up moving in together but, most of the time, I haven’t had the desire to have sex with her. I feel like I have to wait until October (my sister’s wedding) just to see what my girlfriend looks like with makeup and all dressed up. I have gotten more ‘dressed up’ before for dates particularly for more expensive restaurants and I’m surprised that she hasn’t really followed suit. I will either have to wait to October or find another scenario when things start to open up again.

3.) We don’t have much of an intellectual connection. While we have a strong emotional bond, it is hard to have a meaningful conversation that is mentally stimulating. It is moreso me talking to a wall if I get carried away with a topic that interests me. My girlfriend had learning disabilities when she was young which she has outgrown for the most part. However, she doesn’t do much to expand her own mind. She also doesn’t always think through what she says. She hears something from her mom, accepts it as truth and doesn’t bother to analyze it on her own. I don’t think her family does much at all to encourage her to be more confident in her own intelligence. I wonder if I can help boost her confidence in that matter. An intellectual connection is something that’s important to me long-term.

I know I am an escape artist in relationships. I had plenty of chances to enter a relationship of “eternal commitment” and I run away. As I mention in the beginning of this post – there are some things I really like about her. She is pleasant and there isn’t anything repulsive about her – even though I wish she would pretty herself up a little more.

So wanted to know your thoughts. I know some of this sounds selfish but if she isn’t the right one for me, it’s better for both of us if I deal with my issues.
 

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"The one" ? No. "Dream girl" ? Neither. The sooner you will realize there is no "the one" or "dream girl", the better off you will be, trust me. This is not specific to her, present to me the next potential dream girl and ask me if she's either one, I'll say "no" and "no".

You listed three factors ; you need to know, for yourself, how important those things are to you in a partner. How problematic they are. Once you know that, and there probably will be more factors down the line, you will have to explore potential ways to improve on them, if need be.

1) She's sheltered. Is that how she's always been but is willing to try things, or is that how she wants to be ? Is she ready to have some decisive power with the responsibilities that come with it ? Is she willing to try things ? Yes, no, it's for you to see with her, to discover, and to know if you are ok with the answer.

2) She doesn't turn you on. Is that a big problem, or could you deal with that ? Some people don't care at all, for those who do, that's generally a deal-breaker. Incidentally, for the majority of the population, sexual compatibility in terms of needs and frequency is a good predictor of the longevity of relationships, and of the solidity of marriages. She's plain, for some people that's not enough, for some others it turns them on anyway. Who are you ? Do you need her to dress better in order to be turned on or not, do you even need to be turned on or not ? That's you. She will probably not change, and you shouldn't be expecting her to change.

3) No mental connection, she doesn't seem to be thinking for herself. Try that out. Try to make her think more. If there is an issue, let her find the solution, guide her, but let her do the mental gymnastics. If she gives up and refuses because that's not up her alley, then she's not for you. If she keeps trying, don't forget to compliment her when she solves things by herself. You mention she had early learning disabilities, so there might still be difficult areas for her. If she shows interest in those intellectual pursuits, whatever they may be, good, if she doesn't even care, I have some bad news, you guys are not compatible.

Don't tell me the answers to those questions, they are for yourself. You need to project those things far into the future, because there will come a point when you guys don't have the butterflies anymore, and at that point, anything that was "off but bearable" will become extremely irritating, especially if you end up living together. You currently seem to be in a "yes but" regarding the whole relationship, and to me that sounds like a resounding "no", despite how much you like her.
 

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You're wasting your's and her time. You already know the answer. You know when you found the right person. You just know.

Edit- BTW, no point in dragging something on just because you may feel somewhat pressure from family. Who cares what they say.
 

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The OP seems like a huge commitment phobe, I looked at some of his past relationship threads and he seems to switch girlfriend every year or two, and there was one time when he was in a relationship with someone and he ended up falling in love with others outside his relationship (such as his coworker), and he's always busy focusing on his partner's flaws in every relationship of his. And now he's using the concept of "The One" as an excuse to distance himself from his current relationship.

Even if the OP were to dump his current girlfriend, and get into some other relationships in the future, he will continue to feel confused in his future relationships, and continue to feel unsure if his future girlfriend is "The One", given that he has such a fear of commitment.
 

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"The one" ? No. "Dream girl" ? Neither. The sooner you will realize there is no "the one" or "dream girl", the better off you will be, trust me. This is not specific to her, present to me the next potential dream girl and ask me if she's either one, I'll say "no" and "no".

You listed three factors ; you need to know, for yourself, how important those things are to you in a partner. How problematic they are. Once you know that, and there probably will be more factors down the line, you will have to explore potential ways to improve on them, if need be.

1) She's sheltered. Is that how she's always been but is willing to try things, or is that how she wants to be ? Is she ready to have some decisive power with the responsibilities that come with it ? Is she willing to try things ? Yes, no, it's for you to see with her, to discover, and to know if you are ok with the answer.

2) She doesn't turn you on. Is that a big problem, or could you deal with that ? Some people don't care at all, for those who do, that's generally a deal-breaker. Incidentally, for the majority of the population, sexual compatibility in terms of needs and frequency is a good predictor of the longevity of relationships, and of the solidity of marriages. She's plain, for some people that's not enough, for some others it turns them on anyway. Who are you ? Do you need her to dress better in order to be turned on or not, do you even need to be turned on or not ? That's you. She will probably not change, and you shouldn't be expecting her to change.

3) No mental connection, she doesn't seem to be thinking for herself. Try that out. Try to make her think more. If there is an issue, let her find the solution, guide her, but let her do the mental gymnastics. If she gives up and refuses because that's not up her alley, then she's not for you. If she keeps trying, don't forget to compliment her when she solves things by herself. You mention she had early learning disabilities, so there might still be difficult areas for her. If she shows interest in those intellectual pursuits, whatever they may be, good, if she doesn't even care, I have some bad news, you guys are not compatible.

Don't tell me the answers to those questions, they are for yourself. You need to project those things far into the future, because there will come a point when you guys don't have the butterflies anymore, and at that point, anything that was "off but bearable" will become extremely irritating, especially if you end up living together. You currently seem to be in a "yes but" regarding the whole relationship, and to me that sounds like a resounding "no", despite how much you like her.
Thanks for the advice - gives me a lot to think about. I guess "the one" is a little extreme.
 

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You're wasting your's and her time. You already know the answer. You know when you found the right person. You just know.

Edit- BTW, no point in dragging something on just because you may feel somewhat pressure from family. Who cares what they say.
Yeah, I know I'm not really feeling it right now.
Honestly, I'm trying to figure out if it is more so my own issues rather than anything with her.
She's the most sincere and caring woman I've ever dated which I think is what my family sees - but I have to make the decision which I'm happiest.
 

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The OP seems like a huge commitment phobe, I looked at some of his past relationship threads and he seems to switch girlfriend every year or two, and there was one time when he was in a relationship with someone and he ended up falling in love with others outside his relationship (such as his coworker), and he's always busy focusing on his partner's flaws in every relationship of his. And now he's using the concept of "The One" as an excuse to distance himself from his current relationship.

Even if the OP were to dump his current girlfriend, and get into some other relationships in the future, he will continue to feel confused in his future relationships, and continue to feel unsure if his future girlfriend is "The One", given that he has such a fear of commitment.
As I said in my original post, I know that I'm an "escape artist" with regards to relationships which is why I'm really questioning whether my own dwindling interest is a deal-breaker or something that can be rekindled.
Maybe I have to bite the bullet and at least have a conversation with her about my concerns and see how that goes.
 

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As I said in my original post, I know that I'm an "escape artist" with regards to relationships which is why I'm really questioning whether my own dwindling interest is a deal-breaker or something that can be rekindled.
Maybe I have to bite the bullet and at least have a conversation with her about my concerns and see how that goes.
No, making her change herself for you isn't the solution to the problem. The issues isn't with her, but like what I said earlier, it's your commitment phobia acting up here.
It's your commitment phobia that makes you notice all her flaws and finds all her flaws intolerable. This has always been a pattern in your past relationships too, so you can't say that the problem is with her. I think you should seek couple counseling with a therapist. A professional therapist would be able to help you sort out the issues between you and your girlfriend, and you might also end up discovering some new things about yourself in relationships that you've previously never known before.
 

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Excellent analysis!

I feel like she doesn’t turn me on most of the time.
3.) We don’t have much of an intellectual connection.
Indeed, you need more than a cuddle cushion. And remember, whenever you think about marriage and its functional equivalents, that Explorers don’t stay at home.
 

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I just don't get why you've been with her a year if she's so boring and unattractive. Are you insecure about getting someone else? In my experience, the relationship is over if there has to be a pros and cons list about a person. That's settling, and you don't really want to be with them anymore. You shouldn't be with someone you don't want to be with—even if you should want to be with them because they're "good".

There was someone in my past that I should have wanted because he was a nice guy that had certain religious beliefs. I was miserable and couldn't figure out why I started so many fights. Now I'm about to get married to a man who I have crazy desire for. There aren't cons with him—there's no list. He doesn't keep a list on me either. I was single and experimental for a while before I got with him. It was good for me.

You don't have to be in a relationship with someone.
 

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ButHaveNoFear, really great point- should.

BroNerd, you really need to be real with yourself here. When it comes to love, the feelings are natural. There's no need to force it, nor to justify it.
 

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I just don't get why you've been with her a year if she's so boring and unattractive. Are you insecure about getting someone else? In my experience, the relationship is over if there has to be a pros and cons list about a person. That's settling, and you don't really want to be with them anymore. You shouldn't be with someone you don't want to be with—even if you should want to be with them because they're "good".

There was someone in my past that I should have wanted because he was a nice guy that had certain religious beliefs. I was miserable and couldn't figure out why I started so many fights. Now I'm about to get married to a man who I have crazy desire for. There aren't cons with him—there's no list. He doesn't keep a list on me either. I was single and experimental for a while before I got with him. It was good for me.

You don't have to be in a relationship with someone.
First of all, congratulations on your upcoming marriage!! I'm glad you found the right guy for you.

My girlfriend was less boring pre-pandemic. We used to do a lot of fun things together. However, the pandemic has kind of revealed that we struggle to find much to do and don't really have that much in common. I think that's more so the issue than her being boring.
I'm trying to be creative in what we can do given restrictions though (most successful thing so far has been bringing a deck of cards). But things are definitely not the same. I feel like if our connection was deeper that the pandemic would have had limited effect on our relationship except physical boundaries.

Regarding my concerns about intellectual connection - I've been advised by someone close to me that I should try to really encourage her to voice her opinion on things more - since my girlfriend might just be too afraid to express her thoughts on things rather than lacking understanding.

I don't think she is unattractive - I usually don't find her sexy but she does have nice features. She's cute and bubbly which I find attractive.
She's slim and fit too. On many levels, I find her attractive. She's pleasant on the inside and outside. She is plain but obviously feminine.
However, I think she is honestly wasting her potential by being so "blah" in her look overall.
Given her affluent upbringing, I am surprised that she hasn't looked around and thought to herself that maybe she wants to do more to make herself look prettier.
The day I really noticed it was when her sister had a big pool party and my girlfriend was one of the most drab girls there.
Even a sexy girl-next-door look which isn't over-the-top but gorgeous would be nice for my girlfriend - something understated but classy/attractive.

I know appearance isn't everything though. One of my exes was someone who I would consider incredibly sexy but we ended up clashing for other reasons - some of it was my fault, I acknowledge that.
I think we would have driven each other crazy - but she had no issues with looking her best and the sex was the best I ever had.

I do question though whether I'm just going to be thinking like this for any woman I date - or if I find the right one (not "the one" - but someone who I can see myself spending getting married) - would I no longer have doubts? I guess it doesn't hurt to take a chance. I'm still young. I'm optimistic since I think I've become a lot more realistic in my expectations than I was a few years ago. The ideal partner doesn't exist but I have to find somebody I can live with - warts and all.

And you're right - a pros and cons list on somebody isn't a good sign for any relationship. I have more pros but the three cons I mentioned are ones I need to evaluate. But if the problem is truly me rather than her - something to really think about and I do wonder sometimes... My family and friends love her since she is friendly and attentive. She is so caring and doesn't have a mean bone in her body.

My family disliked some of my exes [one of them was a narcissist who would dominate conversations, according to unsolicited comments from some people I know] but they think my current girlfriend is amazing. There will be a lot of family pressure though. Whenever I'm single, all people want to ask me about is my dating life and if there are any prospects. But I can get past that. I can give cheeky responses like Cuomo who recently broke up with his partner lol.
 

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@BroNerd

You know, when you fall in love everything is great about a person. Sure, some things annoy you a little bit, but overall there is this high and love everywhere. That fades away. You probably know that.

After that you are left with a human being. A human being that changes, has many weak spots, can be very annoying and all that stuff.
Usually I'm all about "When you know it, you know it.". But that's only true for when you fall in love.

This phase you are in is normal, in my experience. You now have to decide if you can live with her weak spots or not.

I do question though whether I'm just going to be thinking like this for any woman I date
You will. You will never find "the one". "The one" doesn't exist. Also a perfect match usually doesn't exist. Especially in love we trigger each other to the core, that's kind of the point of a relationship in my opinion.

Try to love your girlfriend the way she is. With all her negative sides. With all her weaknesses. With all her annoying stuff going on. Because that's love. It's not this fantasy world you experience the first months of a relationship or some image of a perfect match you have in your mind.

If you can't seem to do that, sure, try it with someone else, but in my experience it doesn't make much of a difference. If it's about location, family planning, severe differences like a non-stop party person + a heavy book worm, a pathologic workaholic actually never being home, then sure, that's something else. But what you describe are just human traits that everyone will have in some form or another.
 

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You're wasting your's and her time. You already know the answer. You know when you found the right person. You just know.

Edit- BTW, no point in dragging something on just because you may feel somewhat pressure from family. Who cares what they say.

I agree, if you are not attracted and/or no sparks then cut the rope now. It will hurt for both of you but there is no real future here and the longer you drag it on, the more pain you will incur. BTW, I thought your type likes that plain, natural look?
 

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I agree, if you are not attracted and/or no sparks then cut the rope now. It will hurt for both of you but there is no real future here and the longer you drag it on, the more pain you will incur. BTW, I thought your type likes that plain, natural look?
Yeah, I guess a part of me is thinking "what if" but I don't want to force her to make changes she doesn't want to make.
Some people like my Fi-dom twin sister think it's a bad idea for me to try to suggest any changes and it will cause more harm than good.
But my girlfriend is Fe-dom, so maybe she won't take it as a hit on her individuality?

My long term goal was to wait till October and see what she does for my twin sister's wedding. Her own sister was having a wedding in August but that is likely being shelved to next year. My twin was originally getting married in March but had to push her wedding. If my girlfriend can pretty herself up, then maybe I would be turned on more.

There were sparks pre-pandemic but now they are mostly gone. It doesn't help that she has become even more sheltered.

For now - I think simple things like putting on a little makeup. getting a mani/pedi, and wearing a dress or skirt once in a while would be enough for me.
I'm not looking for much more than that. Little things like that are turn-ons for me. Can't explain why.
Especially the summer dress - I briefly dated a girl who was plain overall but she would wear summer dresses during the summertime and that was enough.
Otherwise, she was plain too.
I don't think my girlfriend owns any dresses except for really formal occasions. As I think about it, I think it might moreso be her clothes rather than her looking plain.
 

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@BroNerd

You know, when you fall in love everything is great about a person. Sure, some things annoy you a little bit, but overall there is this high and love everywhere. That fades away. You probably know that.

After that you are left with a human being. A human being that changes, has many weak spots, can be very annoying and all that stuff.
Usually I'm all about "When you know it, you know it.". But that's only true for when you fall in love.

This phase you are in is normal, in my experience. You now have to decide if you can live with her weak spots or not.



You will. You will never find "the one". "The one" doesn't exist. Also a perfect match usually doesn't exist. Especially in love we trigger each other to the core, that's kind of the point of a relationship in my opinion.

Try to love your girlfriend the way she is. With all her negative sides. With all her weaknesses. With all her annoying stuff going on. Because that's love. It's not this fantasy world you experience the first months of a relationship or some image of a perfect match you have in your mind.

If you can't seem to do that, sure, try it with someone else, but in my experience it doesn't make much of a difference. If it's about location, family planning, severe differences like a non-stop party person + a heavy book worm, a pathologic workaholic actually never being home, then sure, that's something else. But what you describe are just human traits that everyone will have in some form or another.
Thanks for the great advice! I know perfection is unattainable. I need to figure out which weak spots are okay.
I still have an emotional connection to her. I still care about her a lot.
However, I'm not sure of the answer to this question: Could I spend the rest of my life with her as my partner?
Unfortunately, the pandemic has set us back a lot. I know it will be over at some point.
 

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Are you two talking about these things? Relationships are always about compromises, because people change.
Indirectly for the most part but maybe a more direct conversation in all of these areas would help.

Regarding being sheltered - I have just been planning almost all of the activities and she is eager to partake. A couple months ago, we were talking about taking a vacation out of the country and she renewed her passport for me <3
However, the pandemic has changed a lot. I think it will take a very long time for her comfort level to go up on a lot of things - particularly travel via plane.
I'm concerned about the virus too and I'm not looking to book any trips now. But she is absolutely terrified of it and I think I'll be ready before she is ready.

I haven't had any conversations with her about appearance yet. Strangely enough, we never had any conversations about it.
We were a very physically affectionate couple pre-pandemic but no discussion on sex. Her living situation makes it easy to avoid bringing it up.
But a part of me is scared that it will be revealed that I'm not turned on by her.
I think this is the area where I need to bite the bullet and have the conversation.
Since she's not exactly a Rhodes scholar, I'm surprised that she hasn't tried to better herself appearance-wise.

Intellect is a major turn on for me.
I think her past has stunted her (learning disabilities which she recovered from by middle school), I believe she is smarter than she thinks she is.
She has shown progress. But the pandemic has set her back.
Given her learning disabilities when she was young, I don't think my girlfriend's family considers her to be intelligent and I think she just lives with that perception.
However, she will say or admit to things that make absolutely no sense and is a turn-off. These days, I just kind of encourage her to analyze her statements and she does a decent job at that. I think I'm the only person in her life who encourages her in that way.
Her issue is that she tends to act/feel first and think later.
 

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I know I have posted about this a few months ago – but now that I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost a year, I am thinking through my pros and cons of being with her. For the most part, she is excellent. We have a lot of fun together. She is the kindest and most supportive woman I have ever dated in my life. She is funny and caring. She isn’t a control freak. Her attitude is “as long as I get to spend time with you”. We haven’t gotten into a fight yet. I think it is more so her than me. She has even said recently that she can’t think of anything wrong about me. I know I can be opinionated and abrasive – and I’m pretty sure I’ve been like that around her in the past. However, she is just appreciative the whole way through. I had exes where we used to fight like cat-and-dog, but we also had positive sparks more often than not. I’ve had some exes who were control freaks and I resisted/escaped. My girlfriend’s MBTI is ESFJ. I had her take the test and she said that the result fit her to a tee.

My entire immediate family has met my girlfriend already and they love her. They have welcomed her with open arms in ways which I have never seen with any of my exes. I see that she is good at making people feel welcome herself and she does care a lot about my family. They see that in her and reciprocate. While at least one of my other exes saw my family as more so an inconvenience.

This pandemic has not helped things out at all. Some people are incredibly terrified of the coronavirus. My girlfriend is one of them. That alone has not hurt things, I can understand. However, the issue is more so that our activities are limited now because we don’t live in the same house. We make things work and see each other in her backyard at least once a week, but things are definitely not the same as they used to be – like a lot of other things. I am okay with this arrangement given the situation. I am just adding this here because I’m wondering if that is partially what is causing me to lose interest in her subconsciously. With that said, I might be allowed to hug her next weekend. Up to her. This is not a con.

I am trying to decide whether she is long-term or if my dream girl is somewhere else. Things overall are great, but I feel like something is missing and I think it has to do with three factors. I haven’t brought any of these concerns to her for the record.

1.) She is very sheltered. My girlfriend went local for college and never really branched out from home. There isn’t much she has done except whatever she does with her family. She is open to exploring/trying new things with me. However, she is so tied to her family and doesn’t have much of a sense of independence. I think her family is awesome but my girlfriend doesn’t branch out on her own. She didn’t even have a desire to go away for college. Even with me and when we’re away from her parents, I feel like the natural state is for her to depend on me. I am hoping this is something that changes if we decide to move in together.

2.) She is plain. She is nice looking and very cute. However, she doesn’t use her appearance to its full potential. Sometimes, she dresses more like her mom than a typical woman her age. To be fair, there is a specific look and style that turns me on – I mentioned this concern to one or two people close to me and they didn’t get why I cared. She doesn’t wear makeup and never gets her nails done. She works with her family and never needs to dress up professionally. I feel like she doesn’t turn me on most of the time. We have a very affectionate relationship but we haven’t had sex yet. It’s kind of awkward given her situation in point #1. Not anticipating sex until the day we end up moving in together but, most of the time, I haven’t had the desire to have sex with her. I feel like I have to wait until October (my sister’s wedding) just to see what my girlfriend looks like with makeup and all dressed up. I have gotten more ‘dressed up’ before for dates particularly for more expensive restaurants and I’m surprised that she hasn’t really followed suit. I will either have to wait to October or find another scenario when things start to open up again.

3.) We don’t have much of an intellectual connection. While we have a strong emotional bond, it is hard to have a meaningful conversation that is mentally stimulating. It is moreso me talking to a wall if I get carried away with a topic that interests me. My girlfriend had learning disabilities when she was young which she has outgrown for the most part. However, she doesn’t do much to expand her own mind. She also doesn’t always think through what she says. She hears something from her mom, accepts it as truth and doesn’t bother to analyze it on her own. I don’t think her family does much at all to encourage her to be more confident in her own intelligence. I wonder if I can help boost her confidence in that matter. An intellectual connection is something that’s important to me long-term.

I know I am an escape artist in relationships. I had plenty of chances to enter a relationship of “eternal commitment” and I run away. As I mention in the beginning of this post – there are some things I really like about her. She is pleasant and there isn’t anything repulsive about her – even though I wish she would pretty herself up a little more.

So wanted to know your thoughts. I know some of this sounds selfish but if she isn’t the right one for me, it’s better for both of us if I deal with my issues.
If she's the one, then none of this matters, because she is the one.
 
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