[Mr strategy]

I feel like this is pulling me down a dark hole and its only getting deeper. While i have come to terms that im Bi im in a position that i have no one to tell it to and since i can't i have no one to discuss this with. I can only think on this so much but since i became Bi i feel like no one knows me. Hell my class mates are making gay jokes left right and centre and some times i feel hatred/annoyace towards them and some other times i don't know how to react.

I just really need a friend to tell this to and talk over it with but i feel like whoever i tell will have a whole new look for me.
My best friend is part homophobic. He doesn't hate them but only when they get within 1 metre of him. We litterally used to watch porn together and if you think thats weird i can only imagine how he will treat me if i tell him.

I also have 2 other people i can talk to. An ESFP and a ISFP i will refer to them here. The ESFP is my connection to most of the social world around me. Basically my ride to gym and my connection to any possible parties or social gatherings. When i hate talking to people i study there reactions to each other *Study* i guess. I also think he see's me as his bro because so many times tells me which chicks he is eyeing up and is asking me if there hot.

The ISFP i would say is most accepting and least problem's will come from him. He won't tell anyone i know that but even though i don't want him to feel uncomfortable around me. Unfortunitly he knows nothing about the subject and i don't know his existing view's on bi-sexual or homosexual people. Apparently there are even some homosexual who hate bi's.

I do have an intp friend but i already know his opinion on this. Really he isn't the person to talk to as his emotion depth is that of a computer.

So who should i tell. My best friend which i may risk losing.My ISFP friend who may accept me but i don't get the chance to see him often. My ESFP friend who treats me like how one popular guy treats an equally popular guy "I have trouble explaining this. Maybe American jocks would give you the image."

Also how do i tell them? When alone just tell them? I don't know because if i don't talk to someone about it soon i feel like im going to have a breakdown.

 

[frietfriet]

I am really bad at giving advice, and I guess it's different for everyone. What I would do is tell someone that I feel comfortable with, someone that I know will understand (or at least try to), like a close friend or family member. Try not to focus on the 'how' and 'when', just wait for the right moment and tell them. Don't be too afraid of how they will react. Be confident.

 

[hackm]

Tell everyone. Get it off your chest and let people decide for themselves if they will accept you or not. And it doesn't matter how or when.

There are two options:

-hold in your emotions forever
-or let them out and see who your true friends are

 

[Mr strategy]

The only family member i feel i can talk to this about is 400-500 km away from me. My sister moved town and she never visits. My brother would be next but i can see how it will change our relationship and i rather told others first them him. Line gets cut there. My parents are both hard-core christians and would throw a bunch of christianity stuff at me and if they find out that im not christian they will not see me the same. I would feel better if they found out after i either got into a relation ship or left home.

 

[Mr strategy]

Tell everyone. Get it off your chest and let people decide for themselves if they will accept you or not. And it doesn't matter how or when.

There are two options:

-hold in your emotions forever
-or let them out and see who your true friends are

I personally believe they will stick by me but i dont wan't them to give me special treatment. Like i want them to accept me but when they want to chuck a gay joke at each other i don't want it to become an awkward silence when they look at me but let me join the fun.

I just don't want how we all act towards each other to change. Change is one thing but i don't want them to think of me everytime a joke or action pops into there head.

 

[hackm]

I personally believe they will stick by me but i dont wan't them to give me special treatment. Like i want them to accept me but when they want to chuck a gay joke at each other i don't want it to become an awkward silence when they look at me but let me join the fun.

I just don't want how we all act towards each other to change. Change is one thing but i don't want them to think of me everytime a joke or action pops into there head.

So then...you don't really have a problem. You are pretty sure that everyone will accept your sexuality. And that's great news.

The thing you are truly worried about is that the dynamics of your relationships will change. And I will tell you: there is no way to avoid that. They will change. But after your buds see you don't mind a gay joke being passed around in front of you, then things will go back to normal.

Get it off your chest.

 

[Mr strategy]

So then...you don't really have a problem. You are pretty sure that everyone will accept your sexuality. And that's great news.

The thing you are truly worried about is that the dynamics of your relationships will change. And I will tell you: there is no way to avoid that. They will change. But after your buds see you don't mind a gay joke being passed around in front of you, then things will go back to normal.

Get it off your chest.

Almost all of them will accept me. My best friend i can not be 100% sure about. Not even 50/50. We have been through so much but on occasional some how him being a homophobe pops up and on several occasions i have heard him say he doesn't like gays. Since how close minded i know he is he will percieve BI and **** as the same.

Beside for this i guess i was just looking for someone to confirm what i already know. Fuck i can't trust myself sometimes....

 

[hackm]

Don't be hard on yourself. I bet I would be just as confused if I were on your end.

And by the way: I bet your best friend will be fine with the news. Most young guys act homophobic just to be cool, as I'm sure you have also observed.

 

[Mr strategy]

We are more nerdy then cool. Took me 4 months to raise my social status to normal/nerutal with everyone so i could study and observe the social behaviour between everyone without the attention being but on me.
Him on the other hand is quite nerdy. Unless litterally the subject is on video games or other media related material there isnt that much. Honest to god i don't understand why he is so homophobic but ill list some possibilities.

1. Could be himself. judging from his reactions to how severe he could experience a mix of imtimidation/sexual frustration on a small level and i know a few past experiences of his that could of molded him to that. If i were to put this in a chance ill say 15-20% chance.
2. Iggnorant and conforming to the standards of society around him. When it comes to moral things and society he just accepts them but around us he understands a few black jokes and some around the holocaust. Cant make a % on this as it is a theory.
3. He has not given this any thought at all and he makes about 30-35% of his decisions without thinking. Litterally. No thought process or what to do next.

 

[Mr strategy]

I guess i should start to find ways to keep us together if he doesn't think again and just runs off. Its really a matter of time and can't be avoided. He is my best friend and he has a right to know. Thanks for your help i really do appreciate it:happy: