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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
How do you do that? :unsure:
A few weeks ago I met a boy, INTP, and he's very nice and stuff!
I like him a lot, and enjoy his company, at least for a while. I would never ever ever spend time with just him, I find him a bit annoying, too, and he seems to feel different about me, than I feel about him!
He keeps flirting weirdly with me, and leaving hints here and there, complementing me, and that is all very nice, if it wasn't because I'm not interested! :dry::frustrating::sad:
I don't want to lead him on, and encourage him, since I don't like him like that, but I don't want to loose him as a friend! and I don't want to fight! :crying:

I'm pretty sure it would be awkward if I just told him something like "I now that you like me more than a friend, and I don't like you like that!" I would prefer not to mention I 'know' how he feels!

We have to meet up once every other month with some other friends, and I don't want it to be awkward, but i just don't like him as more than a friend!
I know how it is to suddenly find out your crush knew you liked them, but didn't day anything, and I got really hurt, and I don't want that to happen for anyone else! I don't think I'll ever change my mind about him, and I want him to stay my friend, but I don't know how to make it clear!

please please please help me! We write e-mails and chat every day, and it's fun and enjoyable, but I don't want to lead him on or hurt him! I've got my eyes and heart on someone else, but I have a feeling this will turn out bad if I don't do something! :sad::sad: please help me!
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
First off, you just destroyed my brain with emotes.
Secondly, to answer your question, I have no idea. Maybe go into hiding?
^^but I feel I have to express my emotions! and it's hard when I usually use my face for that! :) emoticons make that a bit easier ;)

BUH! i don't want to hide! i like him, but only as a friend! who could help me if not INTPs? I need advise fast!

+++ he keeps asking me on dates, but cover them up!+++ oh no oh no oh no!
 

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Clear agreements form the foundation of strong friendships, tell him you arent looking for romantic relationship.
alternatively if he is getting on your nerves you could tell him to "smut grønært"

DK ftw.
 
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I would tell him that he is just your friend. I would also distance yourself and use every chance possible to let him know he is in the friend zone.

The answer is easy I think. "Hey, we are just friends. I am completely not interested in anything romantic." I don't think he will be really hurt, he may even see this as more of a challenge. Just keep saying it until he listens. Knock on his head while you say it or something. 'Are you listening McFly?'
 

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Simple, don't do anything. I believe you're over thinking this. If he doesn't say he's into you like that, don't assume he is. And if he tells you, then just tell him you're not interested.

Unfortunately, my emotional advice tends to be about as accurate a blind double-amputee using his feet to fire at a target 500 yards away with high winds in the rain without a spotter while drunk.
 

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Honestly if the guy is really an NT then it shouldn't be too much of a problem if you told him blatantly. Nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand, mention a relationship isn't a priority and then let him make up his own mind in his own time.
 

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Becky, you told me you loved me!

A few weeks ago I met a boy, INTP, and he's very nice and stuff!
How do you know he is an INTP?

I like him a lot, and enjoy his company, at least for a while.
Elaborate on this.

I would never ever ever spend time with just him, I find him a bit annoying, too, and he seems to feel different about me, than I feel about him!
You find him annoying but also:

"write e-mails and chat every day, and it's fun and enjoyable"

Do you find him annoying as a friend or because he is trying to pursue a romantic relationship? Is his annoyance enough for you to disregard him as a potential boyfriend or do you have other reasons why you consider him only as a friend?

He keeps flirting weirdly with me, and leaving hints here and there, complementing me, and that is all very nice, if it wasn't because I'm not interested! :dry::frustrating::sad:
He is probably acting strange when he attempts to flirt with somebody he has a crush on but the crush is not returning the flirtation. On the other hand, people usually perceive INTPs as strange anyway.

I don't want to lead him on, and encourage him, since I don't like him like that, but I don't want to loose him as a friend! and I don't want to fight! :crying:
Do not flirt with him, treat him like a friend, and say what your feelings are before you lead him on. Do not say any cliché lines and nicely or subtly explain your situation. If you like another man or do not want a boyfriend or like women or have a headache, tell him truthfully but tactfully.

I'm pretty sure it would be awkward if I just told him something like "I now that you like me more than a friend, and I don't like you like that!" I would prefer not to mention I 'know' how he feels!
Do not assume what his feelings are because you may have insufficient evidence. Do not blurt out your feelings randomly, but rather, wait for the right opportunity to explain yourself in the same manner he presents himself to you.

I know how it is to suddenly find out your crush knew you liked them, but didn't day anything, and I got really hurt, and I don't want that to happen for anyone else! I don't think I'll ever change my mind about him, and I want him to stay my friend, but I don't know how to make it clear!
Do not lead him on because you fear he may be hurt, because if you do, he will be more hurt and might resent you. Cut the umbilical cord early.

If you listen to my relationship advice, you'll probably crash and burn even worse.

 

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Lol, this is a welcome change to the ol' 'I'm in love with this INTP. How do I win him over??' threads. I hate to recommend this having gone through it myself, but don't ever be afraid of hurting a guy who likes you too much when it's inappropriate. He needs to learn the appropriate time when it's okay to feel the way he does about you, and negative enforcement, ie, tough love is the best for him long term.
 

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In all likelihood, you've already led him on; how many female friends does he have? If he has any, how close is he with them? Does he talk/IM/text/whatever it is kids do these days with them every day?

He might think that, since you haven't explicitly voiced your disinterest, you're somewhat interested in him. Just tell him (in a nice way; "I'm not attracted to you" wouldn't be the best route), if it ever comes up, that you're not looking for a relationship, or talk about someone who you ARE interested in with him; he'll get the hint that he's stuck in the "friend zone".

Don't be surprised if he starts talking to you less.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Becky, you told me you loved me!

How do you know he is an INTP?
Well, he took some tests, and he believes he's INTP. I trust this, he seems INTP to me....


Elaborate on this.
At least for a while = when he starts flirting go get annoyed ! It somehow makes me feel uncomfortable.
It's hard to describe, I like him, but he flirts all the time and asks me out in a "you wanna hang out today and see a movie, just us?"-way. He wants to spend time with me too much, I kinda feel like I'm being hunted! in a very not-wanting-to-kill-me-way!


You find him annoying but also:

"write e-mails and chat every day, and it's fun and enjoyable"

Do you find him annoying as a friend or because he is trying to pursue a romantic relationship? Is his annoyance enough for you to disregard him as a potential boyfriend or do you have other reasons why you consider him only as a friend?
He's only a friend because I like someone else and because I'm not allowed to date. And because in a year, we will move to different parts of the world and he's just a friend. Just a friend.


He is probably acting strange when he attempts to flirt with somebody he has a crush on but the crush is not returning the flirtation. On the other hand, people usually perceive INTPs as strange anyway.

Do not flirt with him, treat him like a friend, and say what your feelings are before you lead him on. Do not say any cliché lines and nicely or subtly explain your situation. If you like another man or do not want a boyfriend or like women or have a headache, tell him truthfully but tactfully.
... But people always say I'm flirting with everyone! Apparently, being friendly and interested = flirting!
Should I stop being friendly? I'm also a hugging person, always happy and friendly, but should I start acting differently around him, since this apparently makes you Flirty McFlirty?

Do not assume what his feelings are because you may have insufficient evidence. Do not blurt out your feelings randomly, but rather, wait for the right opportunity to explain yourself in the same manner he presents himself to you.

Do not lead him on because you fear he may be hurt, because if you do, he will be more hurt and might resent you. Cut the umbilical cord early.

If you listen to my relationship advice, you'll probably crash and burn even worse.


Thanks a lot! :)
Dr. Phil = douche... But on the other hand, I don't really watch his show, so I'm not 100% sure...

In all likelihood, you've already led him on; how many female friends does he have? If he has any, how close is he with them? Does he talk/IM/text/whatever it is kids do these days with them every day?
Daaaymn! I don't think he has a lot of female friends, but I'm not sure... And no, I don't think he texts them a lot.

He might think that, since you haven't explicitly voiced your disinterest, you're somewhat interested in him. Just tell him (in a nice way; "I'm not attracted to you" wouldn't be the best route), if it ever comes up, that you're not looking for a relationship, or talk about someone who you ARE interested in with him; he'll get the hint that he's stuck in the "friend zone".

Don't be surprised if he starts talking to you less.
:( But if he starts talking less to me, will it be awkward when we meet?

Stare at him blankly when he explains his ideas to you. Start talking to him about shopping, Justin Bieber, nail polish and other men. Then tell me how it went :crazy:.
Hahahah! I only think the last one is something I would ever consider doing. His ideas are interesting! I want to hear them, but on the other hand... arrgh!
THANKS!
 

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I like him, but he flirts all the time and asks me out in a "you wanna hang out today and see a movie, just us?"-way.
Yeah. You see? This is the part when you say "Listen, I'm actually into someone else and I'm uncomfortable with you saying such things." One sentence and you do him a HUGE favour.


... But people always say I'm flirting with everyone! Apparently, being friendly and interested = flirting!
Should I stop being friendly? I'm also a hugging person, always happy and friendly, but should I start acting differently around him, since this apparently makes you Flirty McFlirty?
You should, in my opinion. I have to say I'm alergic to people who do that. They give mixed signals. They hug, they flirt, they compliment, they text you little essays, they want to go to the cinema together and when you actually want something from them, they start wiggling out but still won't be straight with you. I mean, honestly, stop it. You're either in or you're out. Stop being nice and start being honest. If you really want to be his friend, treat him seriously and stop beating around the bush. Yes, it might be awkward afterwards. Maybe he will stop seeing you altogether. But if he's really into you, at least he will stop deluding himself.

Btw, hugging INTP who has hots for you, while you're not interested??? Woman, do you know, what you're doing to him?
 

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One sentence. Straight up. Don't wait and don't touch too much. Touch leads to :blushed:. No reciprocated interest after all that hard work and effort of little flirts leads to feeling played. Being played leads to :crying: inside. And that's terrible.

Loads of girls are like this and it gives me a bigger headache because I'm a very girl-oriented girl. It's not fun to know that the attractive ones would likely flip their top upon learning the implications of their hug.
It's gotten to the point where I'm just like "No Hugs" as a kneejerk reaction to all non-family. I do handshakes now.

Do you want to turn him into a dreary "No Hugs" person for the rest of his youth/life? Well, do you!? It's all up to you miss!
Hmph, but seriously with the way you described yourself I'm sure he's feeling like you're into him and I'm sure he's trying to keep up with what he thinks are your advances. Flirty stuff is hard work.
 

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INTPs are hard to read and if he hasn't asked you on a date then why do anything? Just ignore his comments and it may stop on it's own. If he ever gets around to asking you out then it's very easy, just say no. If you don't want to communicate with him outside your group of friends them stop replying. If he starts to be a pest then it's a proplem, but for know I think your overreacting a bit.
 
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