Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 24 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
Hello guys, I'm here to start this off with i really respect your type. And as rare as you guys seem i tend to find you INTJs just fine if not too easy.
So I'm here to ask, i understand most of the MBTI. I have constantly studied the functions and just types as a whole. For just about every type i can read and comprehend most things about them before they usually even remember my name. I have gotten fairly accurate at typing people and enjoy it. I like trolling and psyching out other types.

Since i have seen quite a few of you INTJs i have had some rather neutral responses. I'm here to ask about a certain INTJ since he is quite the most relevant as of now.

Some background information: I had known him a little bit in high school, we never really talked though. I am only just now taking a fancy towards him because i have just discovered he is an INTJ, which is the type i need to be around more. This is simply platonic. I now have a few collage classes with him,

So here are my questions.
1. What makes an INTJ make steady eye contact as well as avoid it? He does both which I cant seem to figure out why.

INTJs dont seem to flirt, from what I have read. However he has opened up his humor to me, sometimes touches my shoulder, taps his foot on mine and teases me, is this him just trying to be nice?

Would an INTJ blatantly change his behavior to seem more at ease/not nervous? I have noticed when we converse he will mirror my body language, show expression and point his feet towards me. However before this he seems very anxious and even angry. Is he trying to seem confident? why would this be important tot INTJS?

He will talk to me if we run into each other off campus however it is curt. Why make the effort to talk to me first if he often ignores me in class?

What scares an INTJ in social situations, what makes them comfortable? Do the above behaviors sound typical for an INTJ? What do you think he thinks if this is how he responds?

When he doesn't ignore me in school he often looks threatened around me. Even if we don't talk we will exchange eye contact and he seems stressed afterward. A lot of times if we make eye contact, he will come up and talk but again not for long.
I guess what I'm asking is what goes through your head when talking to other people and the ways your respond and their meanings. Any information is helpful. Thanks.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,423 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,627 Posts
This is all 6-D checkers. What you don't know is that he's already figured out that you are trying to figure him out, because he's completely figured you out, so he is thwarting your efforts to figure him out by behaving in ways that are completely impossible to figure out. Thus, you will never be able to figure him out, or figure out why he doesn't want you to figure him out, until he figures that he's okay with you figuring him out. Thus, your efforts are futile.

We don't get called masterminds for nothing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,423 Posts
Trolling helps me understand his reactions therefore understanding him.
doesn't matter why you think you're doing it. it's still perfectly possible that he hates trolls. maybe he doesnt' see you as a 'type' that he needs in his life, and maybe you're skeeving him out with your one-sided fancy or the decision that you need more people like 'him' in your own.

i don't understand getting skeeved-out vibes off someone and continuing to push. if the guy's not seeming like he's at ease, you should just leave him alone.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
doesn't matter why you think you're doing it. it's still perfectly possible that he hates trolls. maybe he doesnt' see you as a 'type' that he needs in his life, and maybe you're skeeving him out with your one-sided fancy or the decision that you need more people like 'him' in your own.

i don't understand getting skeeved-out vibes off someone and continuing to push. if the guy's not seeming like he's at ease, you should just leave him alone.
As i stated, i usually dont initiate first. He tends to look uneasy as a resting state but still approaches me. You are right that he could just hate trolls. Also im not getting skeeved out vibes im just getting mixed signals which seem to be common among INTJs and was just seeking clarification.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
49 Posts
This is all 6-D checkers. What you don't know is that he's already figured out that you are trying to figure him out, because he's completely figured you out, so he is thwarting your efforts to figure him out by behaving in ways that are completely impossible to figure out. Thus, you will never be able to figure him out, or figure out why he doesn't want you to figure him out, until he figures that he's okay with you figuring him out. Thus, your efforts are futile.

We don't get called masterminds for nothing.
Lol, so true.

As i stated, i usually dont initiate first. He tends to look uneasy as a resting state but still approaches me. You are right that he could just hate trolls. Also im not getting skeeved out vibes im just getting mixed signals which seem to be common among INTJs and was just seeking clarification.
Don't waste your time trolling. We can tell when people are trolling, we probably don't show it, but we are on to you. If you want to understand him, make him know that you are not just trying to manipulate him. You have to sincerely try to get to know him for him to open up. It has to be authentic. That is the only way you will get to know him period. The moment an INTJ sees that you are just trying to manipulate and not someone they can trust is the moment that you've lost them.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,771 Posts
Oh, girl...


For starters, you're easier to figure out than you think you are. Assume he already knows what you're up to.

Second, if the guy seems stressed after speaking to you, you're probably the cause of said stress. Stop it.

Third, just be genuine. Goddamn!! Trolls or pushy ass people tend to annoy most others because they don't know when to stop or when to be real. Just a bunch of time wasting attention seekers ugh

Be normal.

Stop trying to figure out ways to manipulate him into your thinking. It ain't cool and he's probably already got your number while you think you're getting away at playing Inspector Gadget... that is if your typing is accurate in the first place.

eta: This came off more aggressive than I meant it to.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,627 Posts
To give a serious answer (honestly, it's hard because of how funny this is):

So here are my questions.
1. What makes an INTJ make steady eye contact as well as avoid it? He does both which I cant seem to figure out why.
It's really down to him. If you're looking for a general description or assessment of why INTJs make eye contact only some of the time, it isn't something anyone on this forum can answer for you (with any certainty at least).

INTJs dont seem to flirt, from what I have read. However he has opened up his humor to me, sometimes touches my shoulder, taps his foot on mine and teases me, is this him just trying to be nice?
No lol, he's just teasing you. Probably because it is successfully throwing you off.

Would an INTJ blatantly change his behavior to seem more at ease/not nervous? I have noticed when we converse he will mirror my body language, show expression and point his feet towards me. However before this he seems very anxious and even angry. Is he trying to seem confident? why would this be important tot INTJS?
Come on lol. Mirroring your body language? Pointing his feet towards you? It's so clear that he's got you completely sussed out and is just messing with you. He's probably enjoying himself watching you tie your brain into knots, trying to decipher the hidden meaning behind the utterly meaningless gestures he's making.

He will talk to me if we run into each other off campus however it is curt. Why make the effort to talk to me first if he often ignores me in class?
Yeah, nothing special here. He just doesn't want to talk to you.

What scares an INTJ in social situations, what makes them comfortable? Do the above behaviors sound typical for an INTJ? What do you think he thinks if this is how he responds?
He's probably thinking: "Damn, what if I do something stupid, like constantly mirror her behaviour when I talk to her? It'll send her for a loop."

When he doesn't ignore me in school he often looks threatened around me. Even if we don't talk we will exchange eye contact and he seems stressed afterward. A lot of times if we make eye contact, he will come up and talk but again not for long.
Again, nothing special, he just doesn't particularly like you.

I guess what I'm asking is what goes through your head when talking to other people and the ways your respond and their meanings. Any information is helpful. Thanks.
If this guy is an INTJ, he's got you chasing your own tail. And you've likely already lost this game by coming here for assistance and not being able to see through his behaviour yourself.

The advice @ponpiri gave is fitting: Stop being a troll. He's onto you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
141 Posts
1. What makes an INTJ make steady eye contact as well as avoid it? He does both which I cant seem to figure out why.
Instinct is to avoid it. But apparently to be good at this whole socialization thing, I'm required to do it. So I consciously try to do it, but as soon as I stop thinking about it and start thinking about the conversation more (because why have a conversation I don't wanna think about), I go back to avoiding it. I wanna say 'duh'.
INTJs dont seem to flirt, from what I have read. However he has opened up his humor to me, sometimes touches my shoulder, taps his foot on mine and teases me, is this him just trying to be nice?
Again, socialization. He's training on you. He figured out you're a troll, so he's just making the best out of the fact such a person forced herself into his life. He's trying to work out socialization on a subject he couldn't respect less (and therefore it doesn't matter he's wasting their time by not being genuine) - you know, many of us never did that during childhood/teenage years, all that boundaries pushing in interpersonal situations and observing its results and stuff, so we don't really know what behaviour is optimal. He's catching up. It will be very useful to him in future interactions with women.
Would an INTJ blatantly change his behavior to seem more at ease/not nervous? I have noticed when we converse he will mirror my body language, show expression and point his feet towards me. However before this he seems very anxious and even angry. Is he trying to seem confident? why would this be important tot INTJS?
More of the same. We don't want to seem confident as much as we want to be confident. Of course he's nervous. He's doing something he sucks at. He obviously knows the theory, but needs the practice. And even if he doesn't respect you, he still sees how stupid he looks (since now he's focusing on it) - which makes him nervous, or more like frustrated, pissed off even.
He will talk to me if we run into each other off campus however it is curt. Why make the effort to talk to me first if he often ignores me in class?
In class he's more focused on the class, he doesn't have so much time for this bullshit. It's still more of a side project. But when he has free time, he can practice.
What scares an INTJ in social situations, what makes them comfortable?
Nothing makes us comfortable in social situations. Social situations themselves scare us. Why? Because of this:
I like trolling and psyching out other types.
Because of you. That's what's wrong with people and the world. I mean, it's not just you, unfortunately. Most people do this, actually. They get kicks from the most random stuff. Instead of using interaction to exchange information like sensible, sane lifeforms, they want your reactions and assign them some random meaning. I mean, I've never understood this chase for reactions - trolling and pranking and stuff. Could you explain it to me? When I jump in front of someone out of a closet as they're passing around and they jump/run away, why is that reaction funny? It could've very well saved their life. So it's obviously a good thing. Anyway... it's scary, because even if you know they're after some nonsense, they'll always surprise you with the extent of said nonsense (like here he knows you're a troll, but I doubt he knows you're a MBTI-motivated troll - god, what an anxiety will finding that out give him...).
When he doesn't ignore me in school he often looks threatened around me. Even if we don't talk we will exchange eye contact and he seems stressed afterward. A lot of times if we make eye contact, he will come up and talk but again not for long.
Poor guy probably set himself some socialization goal, and he's not meeting it. Seeing you is like seeing a textbook he read seven times, yet still doesn't remember a damn thing it says. Stressful.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
639 Posts
1. What makes an INTJ make steady eye contact as well as avoid it? He does both which I cant seem to figure out why.
"Normal" behavior for an INTJ is to not make eye contact at all while listening; it's distracting.

He probably makes eye contact because he's learned that it's the polite thing to do.

Eye contact or no eye contact, he's most likely listening to you.

INTJs dont seem to flirt, from what I have read. However he has opened up his humor to me, sometimes touches my shoulder, taps his foot on mine and teases me, is this him just trying to be nice?
He feels comfortable around you and is trying to close the distance he usually feels around people by using physical touch.

He will talk to me if we run into each other off campus however it is curt. Why make the effort to talk to me first if he often ignores me in class?
You need to learn and respect that you're not his top priority when in class. The class is his top priority when in class.

What scares an INTJ in social situations
Not having anyone to talk and relate to.

what makes them comfortable?
Having someone to talk and relate to.

When he doesn't ignore me in school he often looks threatened around me. Even if we don't talk we will exchange eye contact and he seems stressed afterward. A lot of times if we make eye contact, he will come up and talk but again not for long.
He probably wants to say he's interested but doesn't want to invade your personal space. If you want to have a longer conversation with him tell him you wish he'd stick around longer. Use direct/literal language.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
23 Posts
I'll try not to mirror any other posts here, but basically them.

There is humor to be found, if this situation was placed in a war context: "Hey, I'm trying to figure out your country strategies. Can you tell me them so I can use it to sneak up on and mess with one of your citizens later?"

Even if you don't mean any harm, just be direct. Do not attempt to manipulate an INTJ, chances are we know what you're doing even if you think we don't- we do not like it and we do not trust it. If we want you to know, you'll know, otherwise you never will; there is seldom, if any, in between. Be sincere, switch your trolling to more personal or in depth content or questions. He may not answer them, but it may make an impression towards the direction you seek... or at least out of the persistent troll category he probably pegs you for.


Also... trolling someone to get a reaction out of them to 'gauge who they really are' is the equivalent to a 'confession under duress'. It's your self fulfilling prophecy.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,264 Posts
I like trolling and psyching out other types.
Everyone needs a hobby I suppose but, unfortunately for your purposes, we INTJs tend to value authenticity.

I had known him a little bit in high school, we never really talked though. I am only just now taking a fancy towards him because i have just discovered he is an INTJ
Uh, people only love me for my mbti...

When he doesn't ignore me in school he often looks threatened around me. Even if we don't talk we will exchange eye contact and he seems stressed afterward.
My, what a large imagination you have. 'INTJ face' is a thing. So is being annoyed.


Treat social interactions as a visit to the zoo if you must, just don't forgot that at a certain distance/closeness, it becomes unclear who is observing whom.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,168 Posts
I guess what I'm asking is what goes through your head when talking to other people and the ways your respond and their meanings. Any information is helpful. Thanks.
WHY IS THIS SO LOUD? It is obvious that you are wondering if he has a crush on you but is too nervous to say anything. This is possible. It is also possible that he isn't interested at all.

What goes through my head in a common interaction:

"Man, this is boring."
"I wonder what she wants now."
"I will just stop listening and resume thinking about going to Mars, which is much more fun. It would be cool if we could eventually grow enough plants to create a breathable atmosphere. I don't see why not, except that people might screw it all up somehow."
"Hmm. She just asked a question. Wonder what it was. I will smile and make eye contact and maybe she won't notice that I didn't actually answer."
"She just touched my arm. I really hate it when people do that. Oh well, I'll make a joke of it, touch her shoulder back. That seems appropriate."
"So boring! Think about Mars again."
"Maybe I can leave now."
"If I meet her later I will pretend not to see her and then maybe she won't start talking to me."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,423 Posts
It is obvious that you are wondering if he has a crush on you but is too nervous to say anything.
to be honest, the only thing that list sounds like to me is how i used to behave when i was under 20 and my intuition was shrieking at me but i didn't have any 'visible' socially-ratified way of resolving the warning from it. i'd get approached at that age too, by men who wanted to know me 'because' i had red hair, or an accent, or something equally lame.

i always knew i was feeling like something was wrong. now of course i'm old enough to have figured it out. but at that age, i had all the warnings and all the unease; i just didn't know what to do about it. so the whole thing of 'mixed' signals and alternating talk/freeze cycles - combined with the anger and stress . . . yeah.

to me that doens't sound like a crush. it sounds like 'where is this feeling coming from? what the hell is the matter with me? maybe if i point my feet the same way it'll all go away. maybe if i [this] or idk, how about [this], maybe [this] . . . ' and so forth. powerful-but-still-latent ni is a miserable thing.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Green Girl

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,771 Posts
WHY IS THIS SO LOUD? It is obvious that you are wondering if he has a crush on you but is too nervous to say anything. This is possible. It is also possible that he isn't interested at all.

What goes through my head in a common interaction:

"Man, this is boring."
"I wonder what she wants now."
"I will just stop listening and resume thinking about going to Mars, which is much more fun. It would be cool if we could eventually grow enough plants to create a breathable atmosphere. I don't see why not, except that people might screw it all up somehow."
"Hmm. She just asked a question. Wonder what it was. I will smile and make eye contact and maybe she won't notice that I didn't actually answer."
"She just touched my arm. I really hate it when people do that. Oh well, I'll make a joke of it, touch her shoulder back. That seems appropriate."
"So boring! Think about Mars again."
"Maybe I can leave now."
"If I meet her later I will pretend not to see her and then maybe she won't start talking to me."
The funny thing about this is that OP would receive a clear answer if she stopped trolling.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,152 Posts
The eye contact thing is a tough question -- just scanning the thread, I'd be inclined to say it comes down to the individual regardless of type.

I wouldn't say I use eye contact as a weapon -- I'm not really into intimidating people without a good reason. However, I use it as a kind of tool, to make a point. I guess the way some people use hand gestures when talking (I do that too, sometimes, but usually sparingly to emphasize a point, or sometimes as a way of pretending I can coax some long-forgotten memory by using "body-English," à la a pool player or a bowler).

It is distracting, eye contact, though, to me. I don't feel I can concentrate as well on what's being said unless I'm truly focussed completely on the words, supplemented with some peripheral awareness of body language cues.

My general solution is just not to wear my eyeglasses (myopic, not too strong a prescription, but I can't see things well at a distance, nor drive, especially at night, without them, or watch any kind of TV or movie). Partly because I'm pretty vain and don't want to be a "four eyes," but partly to just avoid having to deal with accidentally hurting someone's feelings if they think I'm off being absent-minded or something, ignoring them.

Pretty powerful tool, but I'd prefer to not risk intimidating people, and instead focus on giving a commiserative nice smile when appropriate and making it clear I've heard every word and considered it seriously.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
919 Posts
Lovely how you came up with the whole I'm-here-for-science (aka "I like trolling and psyching out other types") simply to ask "does this INTJ like me?" and we all know it. I'm pretty sure he figured out that you want something already.

My advice is... stop trying to figure him out, you won't. You'll be projecting most of the times and looking for every sign he might be into you like every xNFP we've had here. "he touched my stuff, is he in love with me?", "he smiled at my puppy, what does it mean?", "he teases me, does it mean he loves me more than his wife?"

Liking someone only because you've figured out he's an INTJ (and read everything on the internet that he's perfect for you) is also not the way to go.
And manipulation is the last thing you want to do with an INTJ. We'll know and you'll go to hell.:dry:

What I think during interactions? I remember that time when a guy thought I was soooo into him because I looked nervous and was "playing" with my jacket. The reality? I thought I brought my ipod with me, but then I couldn't feel it, so I started to look for it while he was talking. Oopsie.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,168 Posts
I dislike making eye contact and avoid it almost all of the time. When I do make eye contact (rarely) there are three causes:

1. Accidental. I am gazing off abstractedly and realize someone is looking back. I quickly look away.

2. Politeness. I have learned that some people want fleeting eye contact. If someone is acting really needy, I will force myself to look at them directly now and then. I dislike doing this, and it is only used in hopes that they will back off.

3. Extreme annoyance/anger. If you get me mad enough, I'll look directly at you. Yes, now you have all my attention. We will soon both wish that wasn't the case.
 
1 - 20 of 24 Posts
Top