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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
(For those that want the story, although it's not necessary)

Long story short, there's an INFJ girl (100% sure she's an INFJ) I know and I'm pretty attracted to her personality and looks. A few guys that look about as good as/better than I do have struck out with her, and she dated a not-so-good looking dude once which kind of scares me. Clearly looks mean little to her. She's more just pretty than hot herself though.

Tl;dr
She's not in town for the week so we're just talking via text, have met only once in class, that too hardly spoken or seen each other. What wins you INFJ girls over?
 

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For INFJ is all about caring. Importance. Suport.
 

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If she doesn't feel for you, at best you can be her friend.

Find ways to orbit her to create chance to converse. Hopefully she'll give you enough vibe to gauge her interest on you.
 

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A good tip would be that you not tell her "you're more just pretty than hot". :laughing:

But more seriously though, you're an INTP. Your curious & inquisitive nature could be a good thing. Depends on how you use it and/or on if she likes that kind of personality. Showing genuine interest in getting to know her by asking her questions and that sort of thing can be quite charming if done right.

Or... creepy, if done wrong. But there's a risk/reward for everything, right?
 

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Well, I'm an INTP currently dating an INFJ so I perhaps I can help. The thing I noticed about him is that when we first started getting to know each other, I would make comments or jokes about how I felt during different types of social situations, and sometimes he would get this look on his face, like I had read his mind. For instance, once I was joking about how neurotic I am about analyzing my own behavior ("did I say the right thing. Oh God what if someone remembers that face I made, or the way I laughed. Maybe I should have used this word instead of that word," etc.), and he gave me this really intense look and said "You understand me too well." This has been a pretty common thread between us. We've had similar experiences, observed similar things, and come to similar conclusions, so when I share my analyses of various social situations and they match up with his own experiences, he sees me as a kindred spirit and it makes it want to get closer. Or at least, that's how it appears to me.

I think INTPs and INFJs are both similar in that we both spend most of our lives feeling isolated, and we're very interested in examining and picking apart human behavior and motives. INFJs want to see what motivates people and how they work so that they can help, and INTPs want to figure other people out in order to "perfect" their own behavior, if you will. So a good place to start is just by sharing some of your observations. If you two have had common experiences, she'll notice and she'll be interested in finding out if you have more in common.
 

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Be yourself. If you are yourself and everything works out, it will be the good. If you are yourself and it does not work out, you will meet another woman someday.
If you 'change' yourself for her and she realizes it, it could be a huge turn off. At least it is for me. Especially if people cannot admit at first they were not themself and make me feel paranoid.

edit: and seriously...I dislike this 'how to win a ..... over'-thing as if a person was a thing to be able to collect or something. Either you fit together or you don't. Either your personality will 'win over' someone or it won't. This is my long story short. Trying to fit does rarely help anyone... only maybe your ego...because it makes you believe you are the 'right' person for her... and in reality you are not.
 

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Be yourself! INTPs and I naturally get along. For me, I have to be able to be compatible friends before I can consider anything further. I love genuineness & straightforward people. INTPs always impress me with their intelligence, wit, & general slightly offbeat personality. Might want to shower first though. ;).
 

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SAY MY NAME
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Well, I'm an INTP currently dating an INFJ so I perhaps I can help. The thing I noticed about him is that when we first started getting to know each other, I would make comments or jokes about how I felt during different types of social situations, and sometimes he would get this look on his face, like I had read his mind. For instance, once I was joking about how neurotic I am about analyzing my own behavior ("did I say the right thing. Oh God what if someone remembers that face I made, or the way I laughed. Maybe I should have used this word instead of that word," etc.), and he gave me this really intense look and said "You understand me too well." This has been a pretty common thread between us. We've had similar experiences, observed similar things, and come to similar conclusions, so when I share my analyses of various social situations and they match up with his own experiences, he sees me as a kindred spirit and it makes it want to get closer. Or at least, that's how it appears to me.

I think INTPs and INFJs are both similar in that we both spend most of our lives feeling isolated, and we're very interested in examining and picking apart human behavior and motives. INFJs want to see what motivates people and how they work so that they can help, and INTPs want to figure other people out in order to "perfect" their own behavior, if you will. So a good place to start is just by sharing some of your observations. If you two have had common experiences, she'll notice and she'll be interested in finding out if you have more in common.
That sort of thing sounds just blissful. I'd love to form a connection like that with someone, anyone, not just a partner.
 

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stand out.

Be cool, not creepy.

I like the air of calm and control.. and care.

Somehow be impressive in your own way, show what makes you-- 'you'.

Smile. Oh. The smile.

above all else, I am attracted to genuinity and honesty, people with values, and ofcourse humour.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Be yourself. If you are yourself and everything works out, it will be the good. If you are yourself and it does not work out, you will meet another woman someday.
If you 'change' yourself for her and she realizes it, it could be a huge turn off. At least it is for me. Especially if people cannot admit at first they were not themself and make me feel paranoid.

edit: and seriously...I dislike this 'how to win a ..... over'-thing as if a person was a thing to be able to collect or something. Either you fit together or you don't. Either your personality will 'win over' someone or it won't. This is my long story short. Trying to fit does rarely help anyone... only maybe your ego...because it makes you believe you are the 'right' person for her... and in reality you are not.
I wouldn't change myself for anyone lol. I just have a small crush on her, but I was wondering because she's not like other girls I've dated.
 

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Be genuine and warm . Also.. intrigue.. show that u're smart!
 

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I can only speak for myself, but I prefer to lead. If I'm interested in you I will do the winning over, though I like to be cautious when picking someone up. Be patient is my advise, moving too fast can blow the whole thing up.
 

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Well, I'm an INTP currently dating an INFJ so I perhaps I can help. The thing I noticed about him is that when we first started getting to know each other, I would make comments or jokes about how I felt during different types of social situations, and sometimes he would get this look on his face, like I had read his mind. For instance, once I was joking about how neurotic I am about analyzing my own behavior ("did I say the right thing. Oh God what if someone remembers that face I made, or the way I laughed. Maybe I should have used this word instead of that word," etc.), and he gave me this really intense look and said "You understand me too well." This has been a pretty common thread between us. We've had similar experiences, observed similar things, and come to similar conclusions, so when I share my analyses of various social situations and they match up with his own experiences, he sees me as a kindred spirit and it makes it want to get closer. Or at least, that's how it appears to me.

I think INTPs and INFJs are both similar in that we both spend most of our lives feeling isolated, and we're very interested in examining and picking apart human behavior and motives. INFJs want to see what motivates people and how they work so that they can help, and INTPs want to figure other people out in order to "perfect" their own behavior, if you will. So a good place to start is just by sharing some of your observations. If you two have had common experiences, she'll notice and she'll be interested in finding out if you have more in common.
I had the same thing with an INTJ. It was quite amazing.
 

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Keep after us (and literally have a t-shirt printed that says you're interested).

Otherwise, it takes a great deal to get inside the walls we've built to see that you genuinely care, and aren't just being randomly friendly (or that you would care enough to spend your time with us rather than someone else who is more social and outgoing).
 
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