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Hello, I've posted before that my husband was an ENTJ. He got that result when he took the Myer-Briggs. I am convinced he is an INTJ in his heart and has trained himself to be more extroverted due to his occupation. I can tell it's not natural for him to be a "people person". He scored borderline on the E/I component anyway.

When we first met, things were really exciting. He insists to this day that he has never met a woman so easy to talk to. Our problems stem from me being very emotional/sensitive while he's just not. I miss the way he used to look at me. I have a feeling the overwhelming response will be to have sex with him more. I guess I just miss the emotional connection, it's withered away. He LOVES his work, one might call him a workaholic. I think if I start to make him more happy, he will do the same.

I know he will never feel the emotions as intense as I do and that's fine. Sometimes I feel like he's a robot, but there have been times I've seen him really upset (sad). It's really hard for him to show vulnerability because he thinks it's "weak". In my opinion both partners must show this to build emotional intimacy.

He is 40 and I'm in my early 30's. I'm committed to make this marriage work so please no "you guys are doomed" replies. We are still a "new" couple, have only been together for 2 years.

Thanks in advance for any suggestions :)
 

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This might not be an elaborate response that you're looking for, but have you told him how you feel? Have you expressed how much you care for him and how much you value his presence over anything else? I'm sure if he understood your deep appreciation and heartfelt connection with him, he would most certainly make more time for romantic mutuality and personal/mental reciprocation.
 

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Ha! Just curious, what's with the sig ESFP and the interest with INTJs? I would think you guys would be a good mix. Although, you get along well with most types :)
It's part of a little social experiment :happy: My actual type is a little different, but still utilizes the same cog functions, albeit in a different order :tongue:
 

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Ah the death of romantic love... Thats why children exist ;0

No really, it really depends on life values.
Ask yourself these questions:
How much does he value your companionship. Opportunity costs: Is he likely to find alternative companionship of equal or greater value. How much 'growth' do you two bring out in each other? What of potential for future growth? Whatever you do, avoid stagnation.
 

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Truth. Stagnation = apathetic, unfulfilling relationship
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Ah the death of romantic love... Thats why children exist ;0

No really, it really depends on life values.
Ask yourself these questions:
How much does he value your companionship. Opportunity costs: Is he likely to find alternative companionship of equal or greater value. How much 'growth' do you two bring out in each other? What of potential for future growth? Whatever you do, avoid stagnation.
He values it greatly, if I mention that he go out with his friends his response would be that he rather be with me or I come along as well. At home, he's usually by my side (except when I'm angry, he can't take it). We make good friends and can talk about anything, although I do get bored when he gets too technical on details.

Opportunity costs? We are MARRIED, this is his 2nd, my 1st. His first wife cheated and left him which devastated him. The divorce was really nasty emotionaly and financialy (kids were invoved which we have primary custody) I think even if he were to encounter another woman he was attracted to, he'd steer clear. I may be kind, but if he ever cheated...

I think I help him socially, he can be a bit blunt and come across as arrogant without meaning to. I help him understand his children's feelings (especially his son's). I also help him with his children since he works so much, he's a physician. He helps me because I can become emotionally hijacked at times. I rely on my intuition a lot, but my feelings can interfere with my perceptions of things. I am guilty of over reacting or over-analyzing someone's words/actions...I'll take things too personally when I shouldn't.
 

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When was the last time you went on a date with him?

As I recall from these forums, is that INTJ are the ones that will do anything to keep a relationship from falling apart.
Or you just bore him now.
 

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When was the last time you went on a date with him?

As I recall from these forums, is that INTJ are the ones that will do anything to keep a relationship from falling apart.
Or you just bore him now.
Yesterday actually, I think both of us would do anything for our marriage. I just want him to look at me with gaga eyes again.

I think I'll go with the "ESFP's" advice above. If I'm not feeling emotionally fulfilled then it's hard for me to fulfill someone physically. Guess I'm going to have to get over that :p
 

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He values it greatly, if I mention that he go out with his friends his response would be that he rather be with me or I come along as well. At home, he's usually by my side (except when I'm angry, he can't take it). We make good friends and can talk about anything, although I do get bored when he gets too technical on details.

Opportunity costs? We are MARRIED, this is his 2nd, my 1st. His first wife cheated and left him which devastated him. The divorce was really nasty emotionaly and financialy (kids were invoved which we have primary custody) I think even if he were to encounter another woman he was attracted to, he'd steer clear. I may be kind, but if he ever cheated...

I think I help him socially, he can be a bit blunt and come across as arrogant without meaning to. I help him understand his children's feelings (especially his son's). I also help him with his children since he works so much, he's a physician. He helps me because I can become emotionally hijacked at times. I rely on my intuition a lot, but my feelings can interfere with my perceptions of things. I am guilty of over reacting or over-analyzing someone's words/actions...I'll take things too personally when I shouldn't.
Hrmm, 40's the age where one may be looking for commitment/stability. I guess the question is, whos more satisfied with the current state of the relationship? You obviously want more (as inferred from the original post), but we (the board) does not know what he want. If the case where the latter has stagnated (evidenced by his shift towards his job), then you'd need to inspire him in new ways.

Sex has been done to death so I'd appeal to his mind. Start a new project on your own that doesn't involve him directly (independence is smiled upon). Instead, use him as a sounding board for advice (intjs love giving advice to those they care about). Its a subtle process but may bear greater fruits as his interest to your project is tied to you. Ultimately, him watching you grow may inspire him to do the same. Or... I could be completely wrong ;(
 

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If I'm not feeling emotionally fulfilled then it's hard for me to fulfill someone physically.
Never said anything about physical stuff. That BS crap.

If you where single would you act or dress differently, try new perfume, or go do something different?
Men are visual, so do something to catch their eyes. Flirt with him, tease, make him think about you again.
AS IF YOUR DATING, god, it is really not that hard.

What do you think house wives did in the 40s-50s to keep their husbands from screwing the sexritary.
 
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Discussion Starter #13
Never said anything about physical stuff. That BS crap.

If you where single would you act or dress differently, try new perfume, or go do something different?
Men are visual, so do something to catch their eyes. Flirt with him, tease, make him think about you again.
AS IF YOUR DATING, god, it is really not that hard.

What do you think house wives did in the 40s-50s to keep their husbands from screwing the sexritary.
LOL at this reply for many reasons. You are right, except for one part. I appreciate your input :)
 

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LOL at this reply for many reasons. You are right, except for one part. I appreciate your input :)
What part might that be??? lol

Thanks

Plus @nonnaci has good advise.
 

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Smart ass, this is not helping the OP btw.
Why does it matter? It's my problem not yours!

Okay okay...the part where you said "It's not that hard"...if it wasn't then I would do it. I'm going to do it anyway and force that inner 50s 60s housewife that we all have deep inside. LOL
 

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Why does it matter? It's my problem not yours!

Okay okay...the part where you said "It's not that hard"...if it wasn't then I would do it. I'm going to do it anyway and force that inner 50s 60s housewife that we all have deep inside. LOL
Your "P" took the idea I was trying to suggest way out of context.

Underlying fact is, if you want the INTJ to give you that googly eyes again.
Do something that did it in the first place. It has to be visual.

You can still act like you are dating him well being married.

Its extremely stupid to think just because you are married the courtship has to be different.

Americans need to learn from the European on making marriage last.
 

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This might not be an elaborate response that you're looking for, but have you told him how you feel? Have you expressed how much you care for him and how much you value his presence over anything else? I'm sure if he understood your deep appreciation and heartfelt connection with him, he would most certainly make more time for romantic mutuality and personal/mental reciprocation.
@MelanieM, what this guy says -- it'd work on me.
 
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