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I'm pretty sure for most of my teenage years my mother thought I was gay(not that should would have cared if I was) because I didn't really date much. She no longer thinks I am gay but definitely is concerned that I don't date often. She is a very emotional and expressive person so it is very difficult to explain that I am picky and have no desire to date often. It can get annoying but I understand she is just trying to help. Has anyone found a good way to address this?
 

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I see what you mean. My mother just wants more grandkids though ha.

I've never been one to care all that much about dating. I'm pretty social and come across a lot of people during the week. Societal pressures to marry or date or whatever never concerned me. I don't see the point in wasting my time by going out on a bunch of dates with people I would not like. I'm not trying to get married any time soon, my work is my mistress, and getting on the dating circuit is a full time job. In many ways we men have it much easier. It's way more acceptable for men to want to live the bachelor lifestyle as opposed to women who constantly put more pressure on themselves to get married and find a partner imo. I always say "I have to take care of myself before I am able to take care of anyone else." In a way it's true.
 

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I used to be a bit promiscuous (lol a bit...) but I decided to go chaste and stop looking for people to date and have never been happier. It is so obnoxious to waste valuable time, energy, money and emotional stability on random guys just for the sake of feeling less lonely. I found some friends instead.
 

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I have friends. I don't "need" to date.

That said, I've really been enjoying the process of starting to date someone I'm actually interested in lately.
 
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No one has really answered the question, but I don't really date, either. The reason for me, however, is because I've experienced what it's like to have an extreme spark with someone. I experienced right when I met her, and I naturally know people when I meet them; thus, I can't settle for anything less. And no one has provided that spark yet.

That's why I personally don't date much--your mom "might" understand that.
 

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No one has really answered the question, but I don't really date, either. .
I think it's because I never really thought I've had to "address" it before.

My personal life is no one's business.

I'd generally deflect the conversation to something else.

I agree with you in many ways though. I don't like the "forced" aspect of dating because you're lonely and think your life will be better with someone else; I like things to evolve naturally. This is the one area of my life where I'm not impatient. I love feeling that spark too, but I'm not going to force it.
 

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I was called "gay" in highschool throughout my time. I laughed in their faces, and basically said "so what if I am? Does that bother you?" (I recall one such event in fairly high detail.)

Now I get in relationships too easily and too fast lol, and if this one doesn't work out I'm determined to take at least a one year break; I will force myself to be relation-less and turn down any dates if asked.
 

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Tell your mother you know how to spot the good ones
And you don't bother spending money to take out girls not worth your time.
 
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Yea, things have been weird because l never set up any kind of foundation or rules for ''dating'' and when l was younger, l ended up dating close friends.

lt's honestly preferable for me, when l say ''date'' in that context, l mean relationship.

l really abhor the idea of casual dating and never want to do it, but as a real adult l don't know how practical it is not to. l don't have the same circle of friends that l used to or meet new people as often.
 

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I'm pretty sure for most of my teenage years my mother thought I was gay(not that should would have cared if I was) because I didn't really date much. She no longer thinks I am gay but definitely is concerned that I don't date often. She is a very emotional and expressive person so it is very difficult to explain that I am picky and have no desire to date often. It can get annoying but I understand she is just trying to help. Has anyone found a good way to address this?
Picky, or afraid/apathetic? If the latter, then you might actually be gay? If gay might actually be - feel free to blow up my inbox. Arlington is dry this time of year.


Also see the line below.


Tell your mother you know how to spot the good ones
"How would you know? You've hardly/haven't dated any!"

That's actually a really good argument. Gosh.


And you don't bother spending money to take out girls not worth your time.
Momma's probably more concerned about the prospect of grandkids than she is her son's happiness. Who's to say? (Except the purple elephant, of course).
 

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Oh well I'm pretty open minded. Ask me in a year :p
Sweet! But strictly dinner and a movie. And MAYBE I will let you fondle my breasts in the theater. I'm an old fashion woman.

Oh wait...I'm a guy...DAMN!
 

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Discussion Starter #15
My god I thought no one was replying but I guess my e-mail notifications weren't reaching my phone.

She's not overbearing she's just worries about me a lot and is a great mother. Yes grand kids are a small part of it but she also realizes I am in college. I try to use the fact I am busy and generally broke to deflect. She has offered me money just so I can take a girl out which didn't upset me I thought it was actually sweet but I would just spend that money on my mistress Mary Jane so I decline it. I am definitely not gay though I was in the military so I am far from above homoerotic behavior and I am secure with my sexual orientation so I could care less what others think.
@Zippy BawBaw I am picky and maybe a bit apathetic right now. I am positive I'm not gay but if you tell me I'm pretty everyday you might woo me.
@Moop I like that idea and btw I support your band's boycott!
@OMG WTF BRO I actually avoid close friends and try to date people I can connect with instantly or over a few small conversations. I share a large number of friends so if there were a bad breakup it would be awkward and miserable.
@Antipode that's basically my approach to dating! However, I hate talking about the kind of stuff with my mother because it feels mushy to me and I hate mushy but that may just mean I need to get over myself.

Thank you all for responding I hope I got back to most of you! I will try a more direct approach instead of deflecting and hope for better results.
 

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In all honesty, I was so wrapped up in my other interests, I didn't care enough to date, and had I tried, I was already labeled so much of a geek, that it would have ruined my chances. I had a couple girls in my last year in HS, but that's about it. Recently though, I've caught me an INFJ that I've had for almost a year so far. She doesn't want me dead yet, so that's a plus.
 

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My god I thought no one was replying but I guess my e-mail notifications weren't reaching my phone.

She's not overbearing she's just worries about me a lot and is a great mother. Yes grand kids are a small part of it but she also realizes I am in college. I try to use the fact I am busy and generally broke to deflect. She has offered me money just so I can take a girl out which didn't upset me I thought it was actually sweet but I would just spend that money on my mistress Mary Jane so I decline it. I am definitely not gay though I was in the military so I am far from above homoerotic behavior and I am secure with my sexual orientation so I could care less what others think.
@Zippy BawBaw I am picky and maybe a bit apathetic right now. I am positive I'm not gay but if you tell me I'm pretty everyday you might woo me.
@Moop I like that idea and btw I support your band's boycott!
@OMG WTF BRO I actually avoid close friends and try to date people I can connect with instantly or over a few small conversations. I share a large number of friends so if there were a bad breakup it would be awkward and miserable.
@Antipode that's basically my approach to dating! However, I hate talking about the kind of stuff with my mother because it feels mushy to me and I hate mushy but that may just mean I need to get over myself.

Thank you all for responding I hope I got back to most of you! I will try a more direct approach instead of deflecting and hope for better results.
Hehe yeah, IKWYM, ''close'' is relative.

The only thing l won't do, is date someone because l should like them on paper, and if it's going to work out it's usually a rapid connection.

l don't know if you have sort of a long range radar for people you like :laughing: l'd say l have it, but the people are just fewer in numbers.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
@Signify that is part of it as well sometimes dating just sound more like a task than fun but I am glad to hear about your relationship!
@OMG WTF BRO I know what you mean and I don't like the concept of "compatibility" I have found woman from many different walks of life that are very different yet they all certain things that I couldn't find elsewhere(witty,challenging,thick skinned,etc.). You're right it does keep the numbers down but honestly I think it makes it more worth it when you find something.
 

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I used to be a bit promiscuous (lol a bit...) but I decided to go chaste and stop looking for people to date and have never been happier. It is so obnoxious to waste valuable time, energy, money and emotional stability on random guys just for the sake of feeling less lonely. I found some friends instead.
Similar to me. I dated 8 different people (wasn't single for around 2-3 years) and then got really sick of it and decided not to bother about it anymore. I'm currently testing the waters with a guy (kind of dating but told him I'm unsure) mostly because he doesn't take up lots of my time and we can pretty much just be friends.
 
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