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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I ask because I find my male ISTJ friend to be handsome, talented, interesting and overall awesome. He's a musician and whenever I compliment him on a photo or a video...he says something along the lines of "oh I looked terrible that night, I was tired" or "oh I stuck that video in the archives, it's terrible..." I found a video of him on YouTube that somebody had recorded with their camera and shared it with him, telling him I thought he "looked sexy and sounded great" and his response was (and I quote): " Oh shut up I dont look so good there.... its an aweful vid lol, but thanks.. we are doing different stage things now..."

How do you react if somebody compliments you? Do you say things similar to the ISTJ noted above but actually appreciate the compliment and just don't want to say it? Or does it actually just make you uncomfortable and you don't want to hear it?

I'm trying to learn the ISTJ language. :happy: I wish I could shrink and crawl inside this guys ear...so I could poke around inside his brain and figure out what's going on in there! :confused:
 

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I ask because I find my male ISTJ friend to be handsome, talented, interesting and overall awesome. He's a musician and whenever I compliment him on a photo or a video...he says something along the lines of "oh I looked terrible that night, I was tired" or "oh I stuck that video in the archives, it's terrible..." I found a video of him on YouTube that somebody had recorded with their camera and shared it with him, telling him I thought he "looked sexy and sounded great" and his response was (and I quote): " Oh shut up I dont look so good there.... its an aweful vid lol, but thanks.. we are doing different stage things now..."

How do you react if somebody compliments you? Do you say things similar to the ISTJ noted above but actually appreciate the compliment and just don't want to say it? Or does it actually just make you uncomfortable and you don't want to hear it?

I'm trying to learn the ISTJ language. :happy: I wish I could shrink and crawl inside this guys ear...so I could poke around inside his brain and figure out what's going on in there! :confused:
Yeah that sounds relatively similar to me ><. I hate compliments, I would much rather have criticism. Usually, when someone does hand me out a compliment I shrug it off as if they didn't say anything at all, there really isn't much use for it, plus, there is always the chance they are just teasing and I can't fall prey to that :p. Accepting a compliment wholly makes me feel big headed, and I try to live modestly...
 

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I respond somewhat similarly to how you described your ISTJ. I do not take compliments very well or know how to appropriately accept them. Also, ISTJs are perfectionists so if you compliment him on something he doesn't think is done very well he won't be able to accept your compliment because he doesn't agree with you.

There's also an issue of if he is self-confident or not. If not, he may not believe your compliments. I know when my ex would compliment me I wouldn't agree a lot of times for that reason.

HTH
 

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I'm along with Stoic and Qadosh - I don't take compliments so easily, and if it's a compliment on something practical that I know is imperfect, I'm going to shrug it off.

When I finally do get meaningful compliments, I try and accept them with a thanks. I'm very well aware that I might not sound very enthusiastic when doing so, but I hope people realize it's appreciated nonetheless. It is still important to me to be assured that who I am and what I do is making a difference to other people.

I do enjoy compliments, but if you're just complimenting to flirt with me - you might wanna be more direct and take action instead. If you aren't flirting, I might end up misinterpreting your compliment and think you're personally interested, when perhaps it was just meant as a way to cheer me up. In either case I'd rather not receive the compliment unless your intention is crystal clear to me.
 

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I like getting complimented when I have worked hard on something and done a good job with it, but I have a hard time indicating that I accept a compliment. I will say something to indicate that I don't think I deserve the compliment in many cases. One of my values is humility, so I sometimes have troubles accepting compliements because i (maybe subconsciously) think it is arrogant (though arrogant is too strong a word?) to pat myself on the back, espcially if I wasn't perfect.

I have high standards for myself and judge myself more harshly than I would judge other people, I think.

But definitely a compliment may make bme feel more appreciated, if they are not overdone.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Hmm....I definitely thing the perfectionism has a lot to do with it. I hadn't thought of that. He did accept the compliment when I told him that I liked his album because it was intelligently written...and started asking questions about what went into making the music, etc. He got really enthusiastic and we talked about it for ages. From some of the comments here I'm thinking he put a lot of work into it...and is proud of it and will therefore accept the compliment. Perhaps the others are just not things he feels are his best...

I was also wondering about the confidence issue. We have an ongoing joke about how "awesome" he is. I tease him and tell him that he walks a fine line between confidence and arrogance. And we banter about it... But sometimes when the conversation is on a more serious level I feel like he's almost selling himself to me at times...as far as his qualities go and the person that he is. I don't believe he's the sort to tell me what I want to hear because he's generally blunt and honest. But when the topic is switched to him I can hear the little hamster on the wheel freak out...lol. I haven't figured out if the "awesomeness" banter is actually a cover up for a lack of confidence Hmm....

I never compliment unless I sincerely mean it. I also don't like compliments that are overboard so I try not to do that to others.

Thanks for your responses. You ISTJ's are fascinating, I love picking your brains. :) (and yes, that was a sincere compliment!!!)
 

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if you compliment him on something he doesn't think is done very well he won't be able to accept your compliment because he doesn't agree with you.
That's how I think too. If someone compliments me I usually won't directly contradict them (as it would be rude) but instead I'll politely say 'thank you'. If I don't personally believe that what they have said is true, then in my head the compliment doesn't really mean anything to me. However if I get the same compliment from different people I may start to believe it :crazy:

This also applies if someone compliments/thanks me for something that I believe I have a duty to do e.g. it's not 'out of the ordinary'. I don't really take those kind of compliments to heart because I view it as being thanked for something I have to do anyway and in my view compliments/thanks were not needed.

The type of compliments I like the most are the unexpected ones (that I can believe in).
 

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I was also wondering about the confidence issue. We have an ongoing joke about how "awesome" he is. I tease him and tell him that he walks a fine line between confidence and arrogance. And we banter about it... But sometimes when the conversation is on a more serious level I feel like he's almost selling himself to me at times...as far as his qualities go and the person that he is. I don't believe he's the sort to tell me what I want to hear because he's generally blunt and honest. But when the topic is switched to him I can hear the little hamster on the wheel freak out...lol. I haven't figured out if the "awesomeness" banter is actually a cover up for a lack of confidence Hmm....
Holy crap! You aren't talking about me, are you? My standard answer to questions about me used to be "because I'm awesome." I said it WAY too often, to the point where my friends used to laugh at me about it. Yes, you are right, it was due to a lack of self confidence.

As far as everything else goes, you seem to be pretty dead on.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Holy crap! You aren't talking about me, are you? My standard answer to questions about me used to be "because I'm awesome." I said it WAY too often, to the point where my friends used to laugh at me about it. Yes, you are right, it was due to a lack of self confidence.

As far as everything else goes, you seem to be pretty dead on.
Hmmm.....interesting.... I hope you're not him!!! Because he'd be completely weirded out if he knew I was trying to figure him out via a personality website!!! When I told him I typed him and sent him the ISTJ description he had no idea what to do with it or how to react. I completely freaked him out... :confused: I think my finely tuned intuition skills are completely foreign to him...

So a lack of confidence eh...hmm...I have no idea what to do with that. :unsure:
 

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I like getting complimented when I have worked hard on something and done a good job with it, but I have a hard time indicating that I accept a compliment. I will say something to indicate that I don't think I deserve the compliment in many cases. One of my values is humility, so I sometimes have troubles accepting compliements because i (maybe subconsciously) think it is arrogant (though arrogant is too strong a word?) to pat myself on the back, espcially if I wasn't perfect.

I have high standards for myself and judge myself more harshly than I would judge other people, I think.

But definitely a compliment may make bme feel more appreciated, if they are not overdone.
Exactly like myself. I normally jump into a bashful state and just thank them as I assess how wrong they are (self criticism).
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Exactly like myself. I normally jump into a bashful state and just thank them as I assess how wrong they are (self criticism).
This makes me kind of sad... I'm sure all of you have much more to offer than you give yourself credit for. That's one of the main things I've noticed since I started lurking around the ISTJ sub-forum...you guys are worth far more than you realize. :happy: Considering the responses to this thread...you probably won't believe me! lol But seriously...you are good people.
 

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This makes me kind of sad... I'm sure all of you have much more to offer than you give yourself credit for. That's one of the main things I've noticed since I started lurking around the ISTJ sub-forum...you guys are worth far more than you realize. :happy: Considering the responses to this thread...you probably won't believe me! lol But seriously...you are good people.
I believe you :happy: I'm sure everyone else does too. RIGHT? :crazy: Well somewhere deep down inside anyway.

Out of interest, how well do you take compliments? How would you compare it to the ISTJ responses on this thread?
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I believe you :happy: I'm sure everyone else does too. RIGHT? :crazy: Well somewhere deep down inside anyway.

Out of interest, how well do you take compliments? How would you compare it to the ISTJ responses on this thread?
:happy: Well that makes me happy. :happy:

I can take a compliment...and appreciate them as long as I feel they're coming from a sincere place. I think for me I get more embarrassed than anything. I prefer to do things in the background and am not so concerned with whether or not I get recognition for it. So when somebody notices and compliments me I graciously accept it and say thank you...but would really rather just blend into the wallpaper if given the choice!

Compared to the comments here though...the bottom line is probably the same thing, a lack of self confidence. I guess I just react in a different way.
 

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I dont mind a compliment but i take it for what its worth then move on. I am glad someone would notice someone about me and say something about it, but i find many people now a days tend to "want" attention and the look at me situation any way they can probably via compliment.

so in the end i would say thanks and move on.
 

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Even if the compliments make me vaguely uncomfortable, I will usually just accept them with a simple "Thank you".
^ This. I used to be SO much like everyone else here and beat myself up over compliments. Now I will take it and say "thank you". It might come out awkward, but it sure beats publicly criticizing myself.

People: Do not criticize yourselves:
1. It erodes your self-esteem.
2. It makes other people wonder if you are competent. We KNOW that we are MORE than competent, so suck it up and just say "thank you". :laughing: :crazy:
 

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^ This. I used to be SO much like everyone else here and beat myself up over compliments. Now I will take it and say "thank you". It might come out awkward, but it sure beats publicly criticizing myself.

People: Do not criticize yourselves:
1. It erodes your self-esteem.
2. It makes other people wonder if you are competent. We KNOW that we are MORE than competent, so suck it up and just say "thank you". :laughing: :crazy:
Excellent post.

When younger, it was harder. Now, I tend to say thanks, or turn it back on others, depending on the situation.

And that's important--the setting.

Even today, please don't compliment or praise me in a public setting before a large crowd. I've had well meaning individuals take the stage and interject their sincere praise for me in smaller settings (20-30 people), and in larger settings (up to a couple of hundred people). It doesn't matter how deserving the praise and compliments are, I am going to squirm and just wish it were over (or for a trap door).

When complimenting an ISTJ:

*Keep it private. A compliment is much easier to receive one on one, or at most a group of two or three.
*Be very sincere. We really doubt ourselves a lot, and if you are saying the compliment only to be nice, we will sense it and disregard it.
*Be specific and concrete--have a specific item in mind that you are going to compliment. General compliments are generally disregarded. Specific comments mean that you really took the time to try to understand what we are doing.

Yes, we tend to be insecure. It is not in an ISTJs nature to call themselves awesome, or something similar. If they are doing that, it is a cover up for their feelings of insecurity.

Seriously, we could be the best <fill in the blank> in the world, but we would tend to always focus on our shortcomings and mistakes, knowing we could have done better.

We do appreciate the compliments--actually, we have a tremendous desire to be appreciated. If you tap into that, we will be yours forever.

If the ISTJ is pooh-poohing the compliment, it does not mean that you are wrong or that he does not appreciate it, he just sees all of his mistakes and doesn't see how anyone else could over look those problems. You remember how critical we can be of the mistakes of others? We are similarly hard on ourselves and critique ourselves just as much.:crazy:

ISTJs--Listen to Sela and Red Fairy. Learn how to say "Thank You" and quell all of that doubt that rises up within you. You are good, and you are doing good. The person complimenting you is trying to say it the best way they know how. If you learn to accept a compliment, you will appear gracious and more people oriented--people like that.
 

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i don't mind complements as long as they're sincere and i know i deserve them. sometimes they praise me so enthusiastically it feels awkward :blushed: otherwise i can pretty much relate to most responses in this thread.

your best is not good enough! :laughing:
 

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If the ISTJ is pooh-poohing the compliment, it does not mean that you are wrong or that he does not appreciate it, he just sees all of his mistakes and doesn't see how anyone else could over look those problems. You remember how critical we can be of the mistakes of others? We are similarly hard on ourselves and critique ourselves just as much.:crazy:
worth having reposted even if in a quote.
 

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I think I'm definitely the anomaly here. I'm always happy to receive compliments. I get extremely pleased and SMUG, and I probably show it a bit, too.

Regardless of whether my performance was objectively good enough to get complimented on, I take the other person's compliment as a sign of goodwill towards me. Thus when I say 'thanks', I really do mean it.
 
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