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I am an ENTJ and I would like to know more about a girl with whom I have lunch at school. I have reqason to believe she might be interested, as I tend to ellicit smiles from her and she sometimes stares at me, and good ol' me (being shy with girls) can't keep eye contact with her. I don't tend to make people smile very often, though that lunch table is one of the few places I can.

As an ENFJ, how do you act when you are interested in someone? what are some qualoties in another person's personality that attract you to that person? I'm here to gather as much informationas possible, so pleas try to be thorough if possible.
 

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"I have reqason to believe she might be interested, as I tend to ellicit smiles from her and she sometimes stares at me, "

She may or may not be interested beyond friendship, I think. You probably have to know how she responds to other males. ENFJs are usually comfortable with people, especially when she senses that you may be interested, or at least like her (yes, we know; we usually always know how other people feel about us before the others figure out what we are thinking, unless we fell hard before the other). However, smiling a lot and staring at you are good signs, suggesting that she likes you, and feel comfortable and confident. But again, could be just friendship, or more than friend, or it can grow. It is a good start.

"As an ENFJ, how do you act when you are interested in someone? what are some qualoties in another person's personality that attract you to that person? I'm here to gather as much informationas possible, so pleas try to be thorough if possible.

I think each ENFJ is an individual and different, so you have to take my answers with grain of salts. Just my two cents, if she is interested in you, it also depends on how sure she is about you: if she is confident and sure about your affection, she may be playful and being manipulative, in a good way without hurting your feeling if she is mature (for example, she may enjoy watching you being nervous etc.); if she is not sure but has feelings, she may test you, e.g. being close with you for a couple of days then suddenly cut the contact. She may also care more about you than just friends, e.g. regularly making sure that you are ok.

In terms of what personality we like, I think it really depends on individual. Bottom line, you have to be yourself, maybe the best of yourself, but still yourself. We are friendly towards other people, but we really just open up completely with a few we really really trust. Since we know people well, we would rather you being dumb but sincere, than being pretending.

I have a very good friend ENTJ, we did get into very intensive argument/discussion. It was quite upsetting at the beginning, but after a while, we learnt how to deal with the F-T difference. I think as thinkers, you do need to be sensitive and pay attention to her feelings. It doesn't hurt to to say "no offense" "I don't mean to hurt your feeling but ..." in your argument, so that she can focus on your logic better in your conversation. Personally, most men I found attracted turn out to be thinkers, but maybe just me. I like challenges and I can put up with those "annoyingly insensitive" conversations and appreciate their thoughts and logic.

Good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter #3
thanks for your thourough and insightful response! That was all useful information.
 

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ENFJ females wouldn't mind if you chat with them frequently. Try talking to her beyond the lunch table and see where it goes from there. Their primary function is Fe so they really enjoy human interaction. I know this because I know a lot of ESFJ/ENFJ personalities. One of the ENFJ girls I know (she's in college) talks to at least 3 different people over the phone or online when she goes to bed and then goes to sleep at least 3 hours later. The ESFJ girl I dated (also primary function Fe) wanted me to call her VERY often and wanted me to pester her with conversations. Try it out.
 

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I think they are more playful when interested. If they are normally very mature and professional around people but act silly and playful and awkward around you then something is going on.
 

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Even when I am romantically smitten by a guy right off the bat, I only go forwards if they would be a good friend. It can take me a while to figure out if they would be a good friend (I NEVER just ask them). So first I treat everyone as a friend. Don't assume this is a kiss of death.

If I like a guy, I share a fair amount of information about myself that I think he would need to know to ask me out for a date. He'll find out what I like to do, when I have time, what kind of person I am and why. I also show interest in him that way. I want to get to know how he is - how he really is. If he is pretentious, I pick it up quickly and lose interest, unceremoniously. I leave him be. I don't make promises I have no intention of keeping.

I want someone who has an integrated personality, who says what he means and means what he says. I like men who keep their promises, who ties up loose ends, brings up topics that are a bit hard to discuss. I can handle someone not knowing something, but I find it hard to accept when someone wants to talks the talk and doesn't walk the walk. I like someone who has learned some tough lessons and come out with a good attitude.

So even if it seems intimidating to a guy if I bring up the difficult-to-discuss subject matter, you should take it as a compliment. I wish you good luck with your ENFJ! :)
 

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Even when I am romantically smitten by a guy right off the bat, I only go forwards if they would be a good friend. It can take me a while to figure out if they would be a good friend (I NEVER just ask them). So first I treat everyone as a friend. Don't assume this is a kiss of death.

If I like a guy, I share a fair amount of information about myself that I think he would need to know to ask me out for a date. He'll find out what I like to do, when I have time, what kind of person I am and why. I also show interest in him that way. I want to get to know how he is - how he really is. If he is pretentious, I pick it up quickly and lose interest, unceremoniously. I leave him be. I don't make promises I have no intention of keeping.

I want someone who has an integrated personality, who says what he means and means what he says. I like men who keep their promises, who ties up loose ends, brings up topics that are a bit hard to discuss. I can handle someone not knowing something, but I find it hard to accept when someone wants to talks the talk and doesn't walk the walk. I like someone who has learned some tough lessons and come out with a good attitude.

So even if it seems intimidating to a guy if I bring up the difficult-to-discuss subject matter, you should take it as a compliment. I wish you good luck with your ENFJ! :)
This is very helpful!

But what if it's someone who you've known a long time? They are already going to know all that information about you right?
 

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When I'm around someone I'm interested in, I get super shy. I try to make eye contact, but I have to look away. I always feel bad because I don't want to insult them; I just feel nervous. I usually smile a lot because seeing them makes me happy. I try not to stare, but sometimes I do. I usually try to impress them. No matter what I'm doing I step up my game. I try to become knowledgable on things they like, so I can impress them.

Qualities I'm attracted to: I love a good sense of humor. It is important to me that the person is my same faith. I like people who are a bit different. Quirks are interesting. I like people who aren't afraid to express their veiws and feelings. I like people who are respectful and don't insult others. I like people who see meaning in things and look for meaning. I find it attractive if someone has a good taste in music. I like guys who don't hate animals. It is a big turn off for me if a guy hates animals like cats. I'm fine with hunting if you eat the meat and don't waste a life for nothing. Overall I like a guy who is considerate and humorous. If I don't get humorous, it's okay, but it's definately a great quality in my opinion.
 
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