This is very helpful!Even when I am romantically smitten by a guy right off the bat, I only go forwards if they would be a good friend. It can take me a while to figure out if they would be a good friend (I NEVER just ask them). So first I treat everyone as a friend. Don't assume this is a kiss of death.
If I like a guy, I share a fair amount of information about myself that I think he would need to know to ask me out for a date. He'll find out what I like to do, when I have time, what kind of person I am and why. I also show interest in him that way. I want to get to know how he is - how he really is. If he is pretentious, I pick it up quickly and lose interest, unceremoniously. I leave him be. I don't make promises I have no intention of keeping.
I want someone who has an integrated personality, who says what he means and means what he says. I like men who keep their promises, who ties up loose ends, brings up topics that are a bit hard to discuss. I can handle someone not knowing something, but I find it hard to accept when someone wants to talks the talk and doesn't walk the walk. I like someone who has learned some tough lessons and come out with a good attitude.
So even if it seems intimidating to a guy if I bring up the difficult-to-discuss subject matter, you should take it as a compliment. I wish you good luck with your ENFJ!