Personality Cafe banner

1 - 12 of 12 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,993 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
...If there is this person in your life who makes you feel very safe, very secure even more than you expected from that person. If there is this person who is like a very solid rock the whole few years of your life, always making sure you're protected and making you feel okay plus healed from many of the scars in your past.

However, you see this person as more of a friend and you're not sure how your feelings might change in the future.

And you have the feeling this person really loves you. A little too much.

How will you feel?

Don't tell me any practical crap, just say what will be in your heart.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
470 Posts
I was in this situation about six years ago.

I never really liked him much more than a friend, but I knew he was a good guy, and that he was completely in love with me, so I figured what the hell.

We had about a year and a half of a really great relationship, but then that safe and secureness increased into incredibly jealousy, and so so so so so so so much more that if I went into detail would take you years to read. By the end of the relationship I had no idea somebody could drive me that crazy, bring that much of a terrible side out of me.

Now? If I'm not passionately or romantically into a guy after a long enough period of time, I keep it as friends.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
453 Posts
hm, I'm not a girl so a person who makes me feel safe would only make sense if I was 15 and he was my big brother.

Now, if I feel a girl really loves me, and I like her as a bit more than just a friend, (and assuming I have no romantic interest in any other particular girl), I would probably like here even more. but I don't know, maybe if I sensed that her emotions for me are making her miserable then my feelings towards her will be mixed with pity and that would make me very confused about what I'm really feeling towards her, and I would wonder whether I really like her or whether I'm just forcing myself to like her out of pity (or even out of desperation or lack of better options). I would need some alone-time to digest my feelings ..
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
112 Posts
i would want to talk about it! i'd think i'd feel delighted for myself, but unsure about how i made them feel, and how our future would be together...

there are so many variables in such a situation, but i think openness is always the best idea. if you're good friends then there shouldn't ( <- hate that word ) be anything that you need to keep from each other, especially love, or suspicions of it. possibly it will make things weird, but things are weird already no?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
118 Posts
hm, I'm not a girl so a person who makes me feel safe would only make sense if I was 15 and he was my big brother.
What the hell are you talking about? Do you mean a grown up man isn't able to feel safe because of a woman? This is bullshit, man... seriously, whatahell.


Well, if a woman makes me feel this secure, I'll probably be in love with her in no time. If she is in love with me, I'll love her even more.

If I saw her only as a friend, like you said, I would probably start loving her. Because I know that's what I'm looking for. A woman who can give me peace and make me feel secure.


(Actually, there is already this woman who makes me feel this way.)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
453 Posts
What the hell are you talking about? Do you mean a grown up man isn't able to feel safe because of a woman? This is bullshit, man... seriously, whatahell.


Well, if a woman makes me feel this secure, I'll probably be in love with her in no time. If she is in love with me, I'll love her even more.

If I saw her only as a friend, like you said, I would probably start loving her. Because I know that's what I'm looking for. A woman who can give me peace and make me feel secure.


(Actually, there is already this woman who makes me feel this way.)
hm, what exactly do you mean by a woman making you feel secure?

I guess I didn't understand what you guys mean by that term, care to elaborate anyone?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,190 Posts
I wouldn't normally think that's possible, but if someone could make me feel that way around them, I'd finally stop, and try to enjoy it while it lasts. But that's a future endeavor. If my imagination wanders, I will form an ideal girlfriend, and have standards. Currently trying to keep an open mind..

My answer will be in your inbox. I simply don't trust that information to the internet publically.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,447 Posts
You should watch "When Harry Met Sally"... They were friends for many years, with the girl never thinking of Harry as nothing more than a friend, until one day, she fell for him and they loved each other and blahblahblah...

Things change. My parents were best friends before they married... My mom was never attracted to him at first but she finally fell in love with him years later and now they're still married.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,993 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Whatever it is, even if I don't make sense out of it, it's nice to know a friend can love me that much.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
118 Posts
hm, what exactly do you mean by a woman making you feel secure?

I guess I didn't understand what you guys mean by that term, care to elaborate anyone?

Well, I can't exactly explain it.

It's something like what I said before. I think it depends on the person. "Safety", in this case, may have a lot of meanings.

But it sure has nothing to do with physical protection, like Edward Cullen protecting Bella. (-.-)


Maybe izzie can explain it? She knows how to use words better than I do.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,993 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Security and safety can mean a lot of things, it not only is limited to taking care of someone's well being like a physical defender. It can also be emotional security, security that comes from familiarity out of a shared past or shared interests, and so on.

In my case, my guy best friend has always made me feel emotionally secure though emotional security and comfort doesn't always translate to love.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,588 Posts
There are so many different ways to love people, and I feel that many, many people mistake any form of love or attachment to another person as something romantic. Like I've said in another post, I love all of my friends dearly, whether they are male or female, but I have no romantic interest in them. Most of them feel the same way toward me - there is love and a level of devotion to each other and the group of friends as a whole, but they are able to separate romantic love from the love that we can each feel for our friends and those we adopt as our brothers and sisters.

With that being said, I'm also fairly certain I have a male friend who doesn't view things the same way I do. It's very upsetting because I am trying to figure out a way to talk to him about it in such a way that I won't hurt him any more than is possible and still maintain his friendship. If that is possible. :unsure:

I can understand where many of you are coming from in saying that if someone loves you then you will love them back. I also know that sometimes there is not enough love, or at least the right kind of love, to enable you to be more than content with a relationship. I know that I want more than content - I know I can have more than content. And so... I'm going to end up hurting a good friend for the chance of something better for myself. It hurts, but I also have to try to remember that he would not be happy if he knew that I wanted something more that was not possible for either of us if we were to be in a relationship.

Mind you, this is only a renewal of something I had felt years ago and lost. I was okay with being content, with not having anything more than someone who loved me, maybe not even more than as a friend himself, because that was all I thought myself capable of. I'm not only able/willing, but need to search and find that something more. Which means telling my friend something he does not want to hear. :sad:
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
Top