How would you know if a type five dislikes or has something personal against you?
[Enneagram Type 5]
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Silent treatment: I usually abstain from shouting my mouth off when someone's gotten on my bad side. Chances are, in order for me to dislike you, you've repeated the same offense time and time again without properly evaluating yourself or done something that makes me not trust you anymore. I recently had a falling out with a fellow 5 who has zero emotional intelligence. He has never had real involvement/interaction with women besides his own mother so he probably never learned the wisdom in learning to apologize when shit hits the fan; in other words, he hasn't realized it takes two to tango and the dissolution of our interaction was not only my fault but also his. People like him are too stubborn and proud, so I saw no point in actually communicating what made me abruptly cut contact with him because the point is useless in this case.
General avoidance, if possible: I do this with a coworker of mine; her presence is negative and she lacks a sense of grace as she has foot-in-mouth disease in which she makes accusatory, judgmental comments without realizing how abrasive she is. I don't like her personality and I avoid her unless I have no choice but to interact with her. I keep my contact with people like her highly limited.
I'm not speaking for other 5s btw. I'm speaking for myself who happens to be a 5w4. I generally don't dislike people from the get-go; I try to keep an open mind and suspend judgment. But after a while of observing certain people, their actions, and words, I make an assessment of how much I like or don't like them. Time is crucial in such a matter. When I like and respect a person, I think the other person will know because I'm warm and receptive.
General avoidance, if possible: I do this with a coworker of mine; her presence is negative and she lacks a sense of grace as she has foot-in-mouth disease in which she makes accusatory, judgmental comments without realizing how abrasive she is. I don't like her personality and I avoid her unless I have no choice but to interact with her. I keep my contact with people like her highly limited.
I'm not speaking for other 5s btw. I'm speaking for myself who happens to be a 5w4. I generally don't dislike people from the get-go; I try to keep an open mind and suspend judgment. But after a while of observing certain people, their actions, and words, I make an assessment of how much I like or don't like them. Time is crucial in such a matter. When I like and respect a person, I think the other person will know because I'm warm and receptive.
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You expect correct. You wouldn't know if I hated your guts. I don't give any external clues. I can be quite cordial with a person I don't like (smiling, conversing, ect.) fantasizing all the while about beating them to a bloody pulp.
5w6. For the most part I don't really dislike someone unless if they have wronged me or someone I care about. If you are warm with me I will usually be pretty accommodating. People that get under my skin are the overly boastful and those who try to put others down. I can be dismissive of people if I don't value your input, I try not to do this and is not the same thing as disdain or a personal vendetta.
EDIT: If I really hate you or you're really disgusting me at the moment, I will tell you directly with an unintentional air of superiority that you should shut your mouth.
EDIT: If I really hate you or you're really disgusting me at the moment, I will tell you directly with an unintentional air of superiority that you should shut your mouth.
I don't hate or dislike anyone unless they have done something offensive to me. Usually I will go with the silent treathment and blank that person out completely until they figure out what they have done. I don't like to waste my energy and breath to argue or talk to them because I am not very expressive when it comes to verbal. I just did all the talking in my head.
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You probably could not tell if a type 5 liked you or not.
Largely, we deal with people and day-to-day things in an objective way. This means not allowing our personal feelings reflect upon how we treat someone.
Direct assaults into our interior are the only way to find out.
Two methods come to mind.
1) "Please, honestly tell me what you really think about me." Say it in a serious way, so they know you're being serious and want a serious answer. If the 5 likes you or is neutral, they'll give you a positive review. If something bugs the 5 about you, but they still think you're okay on the balance... they might point out the thing about you that bugs them. "You're so chaotic." "It's difficult because you're bossy." Getting a slightly negative review from a 5 is actually not a bad thing if you want to improve your relationship with them. It lets you know what to work on... and once the 5 has aired that grievance, they're likely to cut you some slack in that department since they got to speak it aloud (a rarity for us.)
Then there's the chance we utterly loath you and have to lie about what we think. We'll just try to give non-committal and totally un-detailed answers. "You're okay. Yeah, I like you." So you'll get a neutral review if we really do not like you... though, you'll also get a neutral review if we're neutral toward you. This is where it's hard to tell.
2) Attack method #2 is to try to close distance with the 5, relationship-wise. Invite them to do something only a friend would... or tell a joke that only a friend would tell... do they smile? Or do they just shrug and plaster on a fake smile, waiting for the next opportunity to get away from you?
A 5 will definitely not have a problem spending time around someone they like. I'm not talking about conversation, but being in-proximity to that person and perhaps doing activities together. Fives will try to distance their proximity to people they dislike. So any cues you might get, are going to be literally a matter of how many feet are they away, and for how long are they willing to stay there. Around people they dislike, they'll find more important things to do, than give that person any attention... but they'll give that person attention if they ask for it.
Also... even if a 5 doesn't like someone, that's usually pushed back into the rear of their mind. It's not that important, unless the issue of friendship/relationship comes up.
And I totally agree with the above posts. It's difficult for a 5 to not like someone. That person has to have done something to the 5 that really irked them. By default we either like people or are neutral until we've finished gathering our impressions.
Largely, we deal with people and day-to-day things in an objective way. This means not allowing our personal feelings reflect upon how we treat someone.
Direct assaults into our interior are the only way to find out.
Two methods come to mind.
1) "Please, honestly tell me what you really think about me." Say it in a serious way, so they know you're being serious and want a serious answer. If the 5 likes you or is neutral, they'll give you a positive review. If something bugs the 5 about you, but they still think you're okay on the balance... they might point out the thing about you that bugs them. "You're so chaotic." "It's difficult because you're bossy." Getting a slightly negative review from a 5 is actually not a bad thing if you want to improve your relationship with them. It lets you know what to work on... and once the 5 has aired that grievance, they're likely to cut you some slack in that department since they got to speak it aloud (a rarity for us.)
Then there's the chance we utterly loath you and have to lie about what we think. We'll just try to give non-committal and totally un-detailed answers. "You're okay. Yeah, I like you." So you'll get a neutral review if we really do not like you... though, you'll also get a neutral review if we're neutral toward you. This is where it's hard to tell.
2) Attack method #2 is to try to close distance with the 5, relationship-wise. Invite them to do something only a friend would... or tell a joke that only a friend would tell... do they smile? Or do they just shrug and plaster on a fake smile, waiting for the next opportunity to get away from you?
A 5 will definitely not have a problem spending time around someone they like. I'm not talking about conversation, but being in-proximity to that person and perhaps doing activities together. Fives will try to distance their proximity to people they dislike. So any cues you might get, are going to be literally a matter of how many feet are they away, and for how long are they willing to stay there. Around people they dislike, they'll find more important things to do, than give that person any attention... but they'll give that person attention if they ask for it.
Also... even if a 5 doesn't like someone, that's usually pushed back into the rear of their mind. It's not that important, unless the issue of friendship/relationship comes up.
And I totally agree with the above posts. It's difficult for a 5 to not like someone. That person has to have done something to the 5 that really irked them. By default we either like people or are neutral until we've finished gathering our impressions.
(sx5w6) I'd say the opposite: it is difficult for a 5 to dislike someone. However, strange as it may seem to others, there are many people I interact with, that I have no opinion about. It is not that I don't care, but in these cases liking or disliking seems irrelevant, people are who they are.
And yes: in those few cases of dislike, avoidance is my most common reaction. When contact is inavoidable, interaction will be polite and formal. Passive agression...
Hmmm. When a 5 gets ticked. First, silence. Then, avoidance. All as mentioned above. But I have a short fuse. So if you push me too hard too fast, I will acg out and it will be obvious. Sudden, stand alone events are more likely to act out. Lengthy, drawn out disagreements attract vengeance. Served cold. Very cold.
I always try to get along with people, but in my career I have had most of my problems with co-workers. I work best by myself and their presence is always a bit difficult - even if their personalities don't rub me the wrong way.
There seem to be a lot of people who feel threatened in my profession (legal assistant) and there must be something about me that does it to them. Dang, I was in one job a couple years ago and the other gal who was there couldn't last two days with me before she was telling the boss how incompetent I was (I was learning new office procedures and programs) and acting so superior and in general so hostile toward me I couldn't figure it out. I was asked to leave..
I had another co-worker who disliked me from day one - hostility just dripped from her, but I could never figure out why - maybe because she was another introvert and so would never say anything to me. She gave me the silent treatment. I do that too, but I realized how uncomfortable it is to be on the receiving end of it.
I cope by ignoring the offending persons and saying nothing. I am always wondering why they are acting that way and what the heck have I done?
If I say something direct, it is usually because I have been pushed for months or years. This really only happens very rarely because I am VERY introverted.
MBTI: ISTJ
Enneagram: 5w4
There seem to be a lot of people who feel threatened in my profession (legal assistant) and there must be something about me that does it to them. Dang, I was in one job a couple years ago and the other gal who was there couldn't last two days with me before she was telling the boss how incompetent I was (I was learning new office procedures and programs) and acting so superior and in general so hostile toward me I couldn't figure it out. I was asked to leave..
I had another co-worker who disliked me from day one - hostility just dripped from her, but I could never figure out why - maybe because she was another introvert and so would never say anything to me. She gave me the silent treatment. I do that too, but I realized how uncomfortable it is to be on the receiving end of it.
I cope by ignoring the offending persons and saying nothing. I am always wondering why they are acting that way and what the heck have I done?
If I say something direct, it is usually because I have been pushed for months or years. This really only happens very rarely because I am VERY introverted.
MBTI: ISTJ
Enneagram: 5w4
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39 Posts
It's simple, really.
If I don't like you, i'll ignore you.
If you talk to me, I can talk back like there's no problem. But for the most part you don't exist.
If I don't like you, i'll ignore you.
If you talk to me, I can talk back like there's no problem. But for the most part you don't exist.
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I put iron in my voice if I become annoyed with you. Usually, I remain neutral and silent around people I don't know. I will fight back if I have to, not being a (you know what) when a fight/argument shows up that can't be avoided. Normally, I avoid people that are prideous and vain, showing qualities I dislike. You want to talk and I don't know you? Initiate a conversation and I will respond how I see fit. I try to remain neutral/ good attitude towards all human beings, even if they irk me… (Even is I dislike you, you ask me a question, I'll respond bitterly/help you) (If I really dislike you or ask me something I dislike, you have to convince me why I should do it) So that sums most of it up…
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When I don't like someone I have a hard time making any eye contact with them. I don't like to be false, and I don't like to act nasty with people, even when I don't like them. When I make eye contact with someone, the emotion I communicate is positive and friendly, so if I am not making eye contact with someone, it means I am unable to show friendliness to that person because I don't like them.
5w4 INTP (INXP)
5w4 INTP (INXP)
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If I dislike someone, I won't have anything to do with them. Simple. Why would I waste time being around someone I dislike?
Silence and passive-aggressiveness. And yes, overall avoidance and an attempt to create distance.
And yes, I relate to the nuclear meltdown haha. My 9 balances me out here though, and my w4 and 4 in general makes that energy go inward rather than outward.
And yes, I relate to the nuclear meltdown haha. My 9 balances me out here though, and my w4 and 4 in general makes that energy go inward rather than outward.
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I go out of my way to be polite to you if I have to talk to you. Otherwise, you don't exist. If I sound cordial and formal, I DON'T LIKE YOU. Incidentally that's how people DON'T know I dislike them.
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I typically like most people, despite whatever I say jokingly. However, if there's someone who really irks me, I'll outright tell them. Example: there's this kid on my team who just smoked weed all the time and didn't always try in practice, and I'd yell at him all the time and be very blunt with him. However, if we're in a situation where we need to work together, I'll push all that aside and treat him as a friend. My animosity goes away very quickly, I'm not one to hold a grudge unless someone does something terrible.
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I'm not really into disliking someone personally; people in general simply don't flit across my radar screen unless they've invaded my space or freedom in some way. But in the very rare instance I don't like someone, it can also be because of hypocritical behavior or ass-kissing. When I truly don't like someone, you'll probably notice that I won't talk to you; but then again, I don't talk to a lot of people, so that's hardly a confirmed way of telling if I like them or not. I do have a habit of getting sarcastic with people who try my patience, but ultimately if you want to know that information, ask me outright.
But in the end, you have to ask yourself, why does my opinion of you matter to you?
But in the end, you have to ask yourself, why does my opinion of you matter to you?
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